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cathosaurus · Dec 31, 2007, 02:02 AM

Just curious - is it normal to not once EVER receive oral in a year? I have only given it about 10 times in this year because I feel ridiculous giving knowing I will never receive. I've dropped a few hints and he just shrugs it off.. Is this a sign of something unhealthy or just his preference?

simoneaugie · Dec 31, 2007, 02:08 AM

He might prefer not to. He might be scared to try because he is inexperienced. There are folks who are married and have never done that. If you want it too, tell him that you do. The worst thing he could say is "no, never" then you can make a decision as to whether he is who you want to be with, or not.

Synnen · Dec 31, 2007, 02:13 AM

Some people just don't like to.

Of course, those same people shouldn't ask to RECEIVE without some kind of adequate compensation back--I mean, if getting your feet rubbed with worth giving oral (and believe me, for me sometimes it is!) then by all means.

However--if your partner won't TALK about why, that's where the problem is. How can you have good sex (whether intercourse or just sexual acts) if you can't talk about them with each other?

cathosaurus · Dec 31, 2007, 02:19 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

However--if your partner won't TALK about why, that's where the problem is. How can you have good sex (whether intercourse or just sexual acts) if you can't talk about them with each other?

And there lays my conundrum... I'm not sure we have a healthy sexual relationship in the first place... it's improving, though. He's been depressed and we have not been sleeping together very frequently... and he gets really defensive when we talk about sexual stuff right now. Baby steps.

Choux · Dec 31, 2007, 12:43 PM

Sex is about hot pleasure, not about keeping tabs on this or that... what a downer!! Sex for women is a lot about taking what we want... being turned on, passionate.

I'm thinking that you have a relationship of convenience going here... no more excitement if there ever was... the keeping tabs business is an indication of that.

In that case, I would say your sex life needs revitalization... or... time to move on...

Good Luck!

Fr_Chuck · Dec 31, 2007, 03:56 PM

It is totally unfair not to do something because the other people do or don't do something.

Sex is about enjoyment, if he does not enjoy it, there should be no forcing him to or not to.

harlysdream66 · Dec 31, 2007, 04:08 PM

That anit fair ever ever ever, you need to talk with him ,
Or don't give him it till he tells you why , he won't go down on you
Ask over lunch... Honey why won't you lick me down there?
Watch him choke for once, lol
Ask and you shall receive...

cathosaurus · Dec 31, 2007, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

It is totally unfair not to do something because the other people do or don't do something.

Sex is about enjoyment, if he does not enjoy it, there should be no forcing him to or not to.

He's never said if he enjoys it or not... he just doesn't talk about it.. I would NEVER force someone to do something they didn't enjoy... How could I enjoy that?

Big Sky Butterfly · Jan 2, 2008, 07:39 PM

Sex should be pleasurable for both of you. Was there a point when he was able to give you oral pleasure on a regular basis? Was there a specific event that took place that might have turned him off to it?

kp2171 · Jan 2, 2008, 08:12 PM

simoneaugie disagrees: In principle, you're absolutely right. There are too far too many selfish men in the world to say you're correct in 90% of cases however. I've met so many of them. And they refuse to change!

This is ridiculous... you disagree with him not on principle, but because many others act this way??

So the person who states what is right, when the majority, in your opinion, are wrong, should be disagreed with??

Unbelievable.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 2, 2008, 08:18 PM

It is sort of obvious , if he enjjoyed it, he would be doing it. Many men just don't want to, others had a early bad experience and stopped, some may just not know how and don't want to seem stupid.

But not doing something that is OK with you, because they don't want to do something that may not be OK for them, is not right.
When you start keeping scores, you are on the way to counseling or divorce court.
Soon it will be you only had sex totally 10 times this year, when sex starts being an issue to argue about, or keep scores about, the fun is going to be lost

smoothy · Jan 8, 2008, 10:34 AM

Personally I think its only fair to expect reciprocation from either your husband or wife in exchange for oral. Assuming they have good hygiene and no problems that make for a foul odor.

Hell there is only one week out of every month when that is not on the table. Wife knows when she gets the itch all she ever has to do is ask.

kp2171 · Jan 8, 2008, 10:54 AM

This is what I just don't get...

A guy receives oral and it can be a good "prime" for intercourse as foreplay or it can go to completion. If it goes to the end, then there's probably a refractory period for him... doesn't mean intercourse won't occur... or even has to... but oral to the end for the guy is probably often the end of sex for the time being.

Oral performed on the woman, whether to completion or just to get her "primed" can be a great way to precede intercourse for the man. Shell be more naturally lubricated and hopefully in a great mood, maybe even able to have another orgasm along the way or better set for the first one. Unless she's just too sensitive (and there's ways around that some with positions and a little waiting if needed) oral given to a woman is something a man should approach with excitement.

There have only been a few times when giving oral to a woman that it was not particularly pleasing to give, and that is a rare moment... outside of the partner not being clean, healthy, and safe, why some men see this as a burden is beyond me.

That said... just as some women hate giving oral (weve seen that on the threads here), I was great friends with an older guy who... don't know... lets call him "old school", and he was older... he absolutely loved women and he loved sex when he was younger... and it wasn't in some trashy way. There actually was almost a childlike amazement and excitement with him about it. But I know for a fact he never performed oral, nor did he ever think it was right for a woman to do the same on him. Not as foreplay, not to completion.

But I think if you are willing to take, you'd better damn well be willing to give. A little "quid pro quo" goes a long way to keeping things right.

kp2171 · Jan 8, 2008, 10:59 AM

Oh... and I agree, if he's had no success giving you oral before, that can be part of the mental block too. What one woman preferred orally, the next HATED... she needed completely different pressure and timing... so the idea that he might need some "instruction" and maybe a few "wins" giving you oral is a legit point... but I don't know the history of whether he's been able to get you there when he has performed on you...

smoothy · Jan 8, 2008, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by kp2171

there have only been a few times when giving oral to a woman that it was not particularly pleasing to give, and that is a rare moment... outside of the partner not being clean, healthy, and safe, why some men see this as a burden is beyond me.

Ouch... boy does that drag up an ugly moment from many years ago before I got married. Man the oder that came from that orifice from an otherwise clean woman can still make me gag to this day... I swear that odor is permanently burned into my olfactory sensors. Just as strong as it was that day. Almost puked, no didn't go through with it then, and nope never saw her again. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW:eek:

In 17 years of marriage I've never even once caught a whiff of anything that smelled that foul.

cathosaurus · Jan 8, 2008, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Soon it will be you only had sex totally 10 times this year, when sex starts being an issue to argue about, or keep scores about, the fun is going to be lost

For background: He has NEVER given me oral - not once, not even tried. I have given to him, though.

Regarding what I quoted above... We're are on track for having sex 10 times a year right now. I hate it. I am miserable and feel unwanted. It wasn't like that at first. It used to be 10 times a week! We've talked about it. He says this happens with every woman he dates (after 6 months he loses his drive). He told me my talking about it so much wasn't helping (he is embarrassed). So I haven't said a word in 3 weeks about it and low and behold - I haven't got any for three weeks.

smoothy · Jan 8, 2008, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by cathosaurus

For background: He has NEVER given me oral - not once, not even tried. I have given to him, though.

Regarding what I quoted above.... We're are on track for having sex 10 times a year right now. I hate it. I am miserable and feel unwanted. It wasn't like that at first. It used to be 10 times a week! We've talked about it. He says this happens with every woman he dates (after 6 months he loses his drive). He told me my talking about it so much wasn't helping (he is embarrassed). so I haven't said a word in 3 weeks about it and low and behold - I haven't got any for three weeks.

Get him into therapy... I seriously doubt you are that bad in bed (but I have actually known women bad enough to put you off sex)... after all you have willingly given him oral. I seriously believe he has issues, you need to find out if they are mental or medical.

If he's a boyfriend ditch him, he's got a lot of baggage, real heavy baggage... if he's a husband give that a try first.

cathosaurus · Jan 8, 2008, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Get him into therapy......I seriously doubt you are that bad in bed (but I have actually known women bad enough to put you off sex)....after all you have willingly given him oral. I seriously believe he has issues, you need to find out if they are mental or medical.

If he's a boyfriend ditch him, he's got a lot of baggage, real heavy baggage...if he's a husband give that a try first.

He's a live in boyfriend... He's told me multiple times I'm the "best he's ever had"... usually after we're done haha. He's promised me he'd go to therapy, but hasn't, and when I bring it up it turns into a fight. I'm so exhausted.

smoothy · Jan 8, 2008, 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by cathosaurus

He's a live in boyfriend... He's told me multiple times I'm the "best he's ever had".... usually after we're done haha. He's promised me he'd go to therapy, but hasn't, and when I bring it up it turns into a fight. I'm so exhausted.

His answer speaks volumes. He either does it NOW or you will be suffering with more of his same behavior. And its NOT going to get better unless he does something. Life is short. Everyone deserves to live it with someone that really cares about their partner and are willing to do what it takes to get the most out of life.

If he really gave a damn about you and how you feel he would already be in therapy. He's proven he only thinks about himself and what he wants. In more ways than one.

HerB4Me · Jan 9, 2008, 07:49 AM

Cathosaurus, sounds like I have the opposite problem to you.

Recently my attitude towards married life has completely turned 180 degrees. I've been a bad and selfish lover for the 2 years I've been married but I swear to make amends now.

From now on it's going to be about my wife's pleasure first and then mine (if she feels like it). You should buy a book like "She Comes First" or something similar and let him read it. It opened my eyes and changed my perception totally.

I was soooo naïve about female sexuality before reading this book.