[denice]

My Husband is Dying and I feel so alone. I have a handicap sister also which I take care of. My brother is trying to help. I want to say thanks. But I will cry too much because I will have to say it out loud. I have tried to tell my daughter. She thinks he will be here for a few years and I am worried about nothing. I have not told my son everything. Because he has two altistic children, and that's a lot. Me and my husband know his time is short. We talk a little when he is not to tired. I let him talk to me. I thought about going to go and get some antideppresent. To maybe help me though this. What do other people do. I see some stand strong. DO they cry when no one is around.

[dogpoundbrenda]

Denice,you need to talk to someone,no one is a rock all the time.I'll pray for you even thou I am not a christian I do think God hears everyone.If you fall apart what will become of your sister,so if you don't do it for yourself do it for her.I think you should tell the immediate family about this and don't shoulder this burden alone.

[Clough]

What is it that your husband is dying from? An antidepressant helped me to get through the suffering and death of my mother about ten years ago.

[oneguyinohio]

Some people cry when no one is around, and others don't. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. Sometimes a good cry is what helps a little. Other people find help through counseling with religious leaders or bereavement counselors. You are certainly dealing with a lot of issues, but I would let the family in on it, though it won't be an easy thing. Your daughter who thinks Dad will be around for awhile, might be experiencing denial or hoping that things aren't all that bad as a way for her to cope with the situation. I would also let your son know. He has an involvement as well, and if it were me, I would want to know so that I could be involved no matter what other things were going on in my life. You don't have to shelter other people from your feelings. You have every reason to cry when you talk about such an emotional thing. Let others in, and share with them.

[jrebel7]

Denice, I posted the following on your first post so will send it then comment at the end of this on this current post:

Denice, you will find a lot of warm hearted, loving people on this site. Please feel free to share feelings, ask questions, whatever your needs are, there will be someone ready and willing to be here for you. If you are uncomfortable sharing in the open forum about certain questions or sharing of feelings, you always have the option of private messaging. Just wanted to share that since I noticed you are a new member. Don't feel shy to ask for emotional support. We all need one another. You can private message anyone, just go to their profile or if someone replies to your post, just left click on their name and you will see the option to PM. If no one responds immediately, just remember that most have jobs and some have children, grandchildren and so are not available at the exact moment you post but please, don't give up. We will answer, usually within the same day. Our hearts go out to you and we are here for you.

Denice, please know that "they", "I", "we", not only cry when we are alone but when we are in the car, in a store, outside. Bless your heart. It sounds like you have your plate full and feel so alone. You are not alone. Many will be here for you.

Please don't be discouraged at slow response from us. Give us time to respond. Sometimes, we need to think through what we want to say before typing. Just know that many are going through similar situations and some have walked in your shoes so to speak and can offer great support to you. You are not alone. I do not know what your faith belief is, but I believe in God and his son Jesus Christ and His word. If we have put our faith in Him, He promises He will never leave us nor forsake us. Take heart in that promise. There will be others posting soon. Just know you are not alone Denice.

[Clough]

Please just share with us. We will go at your pace.

[jrebel7]

Denice, I notice that you are now offline. I hope you can sleep tonight and we will be here for you tomorrow. Good night. I will be praying that God wraps you in His comfort and gives you much needed rest tonight.

[Lady Kalliope]

My Husband is Dying and i feel so alone. I have a handicap sister also which I take care of. My brother is trying to help. I want to say thanks. But i will cry to much becouse i will have to say it out loud. I have tried to tell my daughter. She thinks he will be here for a few years and I am worried about nothing. I have not told my son everything. becouse he has two altistic children, and thats alot. Me and my husband know his time is short. We talk a little when he is not to tired. I let him talk to me. I thought about going to go and get some antideppresent. To maybe help me though this. What do other people do. I see some stand strong. DO they cry when no one is around.

Hi Denise I am Lady Kalliope, no I am not going to tell you that what you are going through will get easier, but I took care of terminally ill patients for 8 years, and it was exhausting for me. With all you have on your plate, you may need antidepressants, but most of all you need friends, and family around to support you. If you need to talk I am here for you, you may think I'm nuts but Ive been there many times over, and I would like to help you in this dark time for you. Brightest blessings to you and your family

[Clough]

Originally Posted by denice
I see some stand strong. DO they cry when no one is around.

In public, I stood strong when my father was going through the process of dying as a result of cancer. When I was alone, I would cry very hard.

[jrebel7]

Denice, I will be checking my computer throughout the day periodically to see if you have posted. I will have to leave at 5:00 to feed my mother at the Nursing Home and get her to bed but will check again on my return a few hours later. From the posts I have read, there are several others anxious to hear from you to help you also.

Please do consider being very open with your family. You are trying to protect too many people. That is an awful heavy load for you to carry. You may be surprised how healing, opening up with them, might be for you and for them. Until later then!

[s_cianci]

I'm very sorry for your situation. What you're experiencing is quite normal. You may want to talk to your physician about a short-term, low-dose antidepressant or something similar to help you cope while the situation is at its most intense if that's what you feel you need. Be honest and forthright in communicating with your children and whoever else is impacted by this situation. It will get better with time.

[denice]

I was so upset jerry is starting to turn green. I know he has liver cancer. No one told us. We just knew. But when signs show there ugly face it is hard. Five years ago my mother committed suicide she had parkinson very bad. That took me almost two years to get some of my life back. Then a year and a half ago my best friend died liver cancer. Then my sister went down stairs and said do not call 911. She came back up two days later. But she is not the same person I think she had a stroke. She is so mean and hateful. We are going to move so she can not find us. So I have very little family. It was nice to write it to someone and everybody that wrote back thank you so much. If I can I am going to get something to help me. I had something for two weeks when my mother passed away and it helped a lot. I will let everyone know how I do again thank you all so much. I know it will get bad again and you all will be here denice

[Clough]

I am glad that today was better, Denice! We are here and would like to be of support for you!

[jrebel7]

i was so upset jerry is starting to turn green. i know he has liver cancer. no one told us. we just knew. but when signs show there ugly face it is hard. five years ago my mother committed suicide she had parkinson very bad. that took me almost two years to get some of my life back. then a year and a half ago my best freind died liver cancer. then my sister went down stairs and said do not call 911. she came back up two days later. but she is not the same person i think she had a stroke. she is so mean and hateful. we are going to move so she can not find us. so i have very little family. it was nice to write it to someone and everybody that wrote back thank you so much. if i can i am going to get something to help me. i had something for two weeks when my mother passed away and it helped alot. i will let everyone know how i do again thank you all so much. i know it will get bad again and you all will be here denice

We will be here Denice. Knowing you have people to share your problems with here on the site when things get too hard, is such a blessing. There are so many good people here who care from deep within their hearts. Caregivers tend to deplete themselves of every thing they have before seeking help. Take care of you. Best to you!

[Clough]

And, a very fine and caring post by jrebel7 above! We are here for you Denice! It would be helpful if you would just continue to keep posting responses on this thread to other responses that have been added rather than starting a whole new thread. I just happened to notice that you had posted again, and requested that your post be attached to this thread.

This place doesn't operate like a chat room.

If you wouldn't mind, would you please let us know approximately where you are located and when you might be online here again? Maybe we could coordinate it so that we are all online at the same time.

Thank you, kindly!

[denice]

Well I am back. Jerry is doing OK for all the changes he has been though. They said his copd has gotten worse and now he has nodules in both lungs. He can no longer hear me but he hears other voices and thinks it is me. He is very confused. I think he has cancer of the brain.
Our best friend died a year ago of this. And this is how jerry is acting. I know his time is short.
I did tell my brothers. And my handicap sister can stay in fl. They will take care of her. Until I am better. I am going to tell my son tomorrow that will be the hardest of all. Well will take later going to make some tea.

[jrebel7]

Denice,
Thank you so much for the update. You have been going through so much. It is times like these that really make me look at life with more depth. I would love to live in denial at times but sadly we have to face things square on.

One of my really good friends passed with brain cancer. I had gone over weekly and gave hot oil massages to help with muscle pain which was such a blessed time for me. I hope it was for her. This time you have spent being the caregiver I know has to have taken such a toll on you. It should comfort your heart somewhat knowing that you have shown others what it is like to have staying power even when every fiber of your being want to scream.

I know you stated earlier that you have very little family. Please know that although most of us are what you might call "virtual" friends or "virtual" family, our hearts care just as deeply for what you are going through. I just appreciate the update so much.

People say to live life to the fullest each day and that is great advice. But when we are going through things this tough, it is a great accomplishment just to get through the day, physically, and emotionally. You sound like you are staying strong for Jerry. What a gift that is to him.

Enjoy your tea and breath slow and deep to try to help your muscles and your mind to relax. Please, keep us posted, not on just how Jerry is doing but how you are doing.

Always feel free to send Private Messages if you need to just type and vent your frustrations, concerns, grief. We all need a good strong support base. This site is great for that. Take care.

[Clough]

Thank you for sharing again with us, Denice! You know that you don't have to face these things alone. I can't really add much to what jrebel7 has stated other than you are a strong person and I admire that! What a fine example for your son!

[JudyKayTee]

well i am back. jerry is doing ok for all the changes he has been though. they said his copd has gotten worse and now he has nodules in both lungs. he can no longer hear me but he hears other voices and thinks it is me. he is very confused. i think he has cancer of the brain.
our best freind died a year ago of this. and this is how jerry is acting. i know his time is short.
i did tell my brothers. and my handicap sister can stay in fl. they will take care of her. until i am better. i am going to tell my son tomorrow that will be the hardest of all. well will take later going to make some tea.

This is so close to me that's hard to put it down on paper - but my husband died 7-1/2 weeks ago (Christmas Day, in fact), after 3-1/2 weeks of incredible, unexpected suffering. I never gave up hope until the very end and spent all day, every day, in the ICU. And, yes, I was strong at the hospital and never shed a tear in his presence, never once. I would come home, turn on the shower and pound my hands against the tiles and scream - but as far as the World knew I was okay.

The only advice I have for you is do not allow anyone to say anything upsetting or negative in your husband's presence, no matter how unconscious they think he is. I actually threw Doctors out of my husband's room and on more than one occasion after believing he was totally out of things he would rally and squeeze my hand and answer questions - he wasn't going to hear anything upsetting on my watch.

The first day I was told there was no hope, absolutely no hope, was our wedding anniversary - and when I went in my husband knew me, squeezed my hand, tried to speak, nodded his head yes and no. The staff was amazed, the Doctors came in in disbelief but he pulled it together that one last day. You just don't really know what the patient can hear.

My husband, right at the beginning of his hospitalization, said that when his ears no longer heard me his heart would, no matter where he was, no matter where I was - and I talked to him up until the minute he died... and I talk to him still.

I'm so sorry you're going through this - and there are just no words -

[Alty]

My father died of Lymphoma that spread to his liver, he passed away less than two weeks after he was diagnosed (but he was already in the advanced stage of liver cancer). When he passed on his liver was three times the normal size. For five days after his death I cried non stop, stopped eating or showering or anything, all I did was sleep, cry and scream at God. My son was not even 2 1/2 years old at the time and my mother was also dying of cancer and grieving for the loss of her soul mate (they had a very fantastic marriage). After 5 days of grieving I finally realized that I had to be strong for my son and my mother and I pulled myself together. I did start taking antidepressants and that helped, I also started going to a therapist that specially deals with people who are dying of cancer or have lost or are losing a loved one to cancer. Eventually the pain lessened only to be brought back 6 1/2 months later when my mother lost her battle with this terrible disease. This all happened in 2001, as of today I live each day as if it were my last, I cherish all the time I have with my family and friends. Do I still mourn for my parents? Yes, the pain isn't as terrible as it used to be but every once in a while I'll see or hear something that reminds me of the happy times and it brings a tear to my eyes. I am praying for you and the ordeal you must face, don't be afraid to show or tell people what you are feeling, talking about it will help you heal. We are all here if you need to vent or cry, but don't be afraid to include the people that are physically in your life. God bless.