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wackymb · Dec 28, 2007, 08:09 PM

Hi, this is so embarrassing. But, I am a women that is 23 years old. Well, I am not good on top while having sex. Lately my husband won't have sex unless I am the one on top. I tend to get mad but, try it anyway. I can never get a move down or find my spot. It's also harder to get him to . He tells me that all I need is practice. But, all I can think of while trying is that he is laughing in his head and saying bad things, like I suck. I don't know what to do. Do you think it could be because I am a little over weight? I tell him that I don't have a rhythm. But, he says everyone does. I just don't know how to find mine. And if I do go one way, he starts moving in another direction and messes me up. See I get irritated and that makes me lose interest. What can I do to fix this? I want my man to say Damn that was good when I get done with him. It's making me not to want to have sex anymore. It depresses me. So, if there is anyone else who is having this problem or did and knows what to do... please help me. Thanks.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 28, 2007, 08:17 PM

Not every position works right for every couple, I would also bet if you close the barn door for a little bit, he may be happy with some other positions also.

The issie is partly you are not happy doing it, and it will never work, till you just have fun and not worry about what he is thinking of your trying.

Also he has part of the responsibility to help the movements and to find the spot, you should be asking him why he is not hitting the spot, also there are some rings and other items that can help in finding the spot also.

wackymb · Dec 28, 2007, 08:25 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Not every position works right for every couple, I would also bet if you close the barn door for a little bit, he may be happy with some other positions also.

The issie is partly you are not happy doing it, and it will never work, till you just have fun and not worry about what he is thinking of your trying.

also he has part of the responsiblity to help the movements and to find the spot, you should be asking him why he is not hitting the spot, also there are some rings and other items that can help in finding the spot also.

Thanks. We do try other positions. Believe or not he actually talked me into doggy style. I didn't like it at first but, the second time I did. Sometimes I rather have it that way than regular. Your right though, I need not to think of what he is thinking and just have fun. I will try that next time. Does weight have any role in it though? I'm not a very big girl but, I do have concerns about my weight and the way my husband use to call me fat. Like I don't even want to have sex on even if the TV is on. No light of any kind. Thanks for your opinion.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 28, 2007, 09:20 PM

Of course I am not really good at talking "sex" always have trouble with wording. But for a married couiple it should be fun, lots of fun, and nothing wrong with a dozen different positions ( esp when you are young and healthy enough to do them)

Well I am not into spot lights and mirrors myself, but those that like it, great for them. And not sure about the TV on, if I ever found myself following the show??
But everything from toys, to dress up, to lotions or body paints to different rooms, kitchen front room and so on.
And remember while he may joke, he choose you, Ihave a friend who would never date a girl under 300, that is how he likes them, So your husband likes you because he choose you. And sometimes husbands are stupid, rule number one for wives to remmber, their brain works about 3 seconds slower than their mouth.
Even mine because I often forget to follow some of my own advice

stonewilder · Dec 28, 2007, 09:31 PM

Don't feel too bad, I suck at it too. I blame it on my short legs. It's hard to explain but after my legs are spread over his hips my knees don't have any leverage. It's almost like I'm doing a split and after only a few minutes my knees are burning, so with out some help I have to stop. I think Chuck is right that you have to want to do it 'cause sometimes I can do it fine and other times I can't….. maybe it is all in our head. You might try leaning forward, putting your hands on his chest for leverage and/or having him put his hands under your thighs to help guide you. Also if you get tired you could turn and face his legs. It's not really the same but it is easier and has the same out come as facing him. You could also have him sit on the couch while riding which makes it easier, and again has the same out come. I hate when guys use that, “you just need more practice crap”….. I (we) can't be perfect in everything! :p

wackymb · Dec 28, 2007, 09:37 PM

Originally Posted by stonewilder

Don’t feel too bad, I suck at it too. I blame it on my short legs. It’s hard to explain but after my legs are spread over his hips my knees don’t have any leverage. It’s almost like I’m doing a split and after only a few minutes my knees are burning, so with out some help I have to stop. I think Chuck is right that you have to want to do it ‘cause sometimes I can do it fine and other times I can’t…..maybe it is all in our head. You might try leaning forward, putting your hands on his chest for leverage and/or having him put his hands under your thighs to help guide you. Also if you get tired you could turn and face his legs. It’s not really the same but it is easier and has the same out come as facing him. You could also have him sit on the couch while riding which makes it easier, and again has the same out come. I hate when guys use that, “you just need more practice crap”….. I (we) can’t be perfect in everything! :p

Wow, Thanks. I also have a problem with my legs. If I am on top of him too much, it hurts from my thighs down. I sometimes can't move and have to have him kind of pick me up and throw me off. I don't have very good joints. I will have to ask him to try the couch thing. I think he will go for that. I've been telling him that we need to spice it up. Like not always do it in just the bedroom. Thanks, you were helpful.

simoneaugie · Dec 28, 2007, 11:54 PM

It's good for me to hear all this. I never had a problem with my legs hurting, but they're long and skinny. There have been times when it would not work with me on top. That's when I had to ask him to hold still and be quiet until I figured out what was wrong. If you do figure out what works well for you, enjoy that. If he is still waiting, and you have the stamina, grab the sheets or the pillow near his head, put your head on his chest and stand up a bit. Up and down, in and out, it seems to be a good thing for the guy.

Choux · Dec 29, 2007, 09:01 PM

Now that you mention it, I had trouble with the female on top position, I only tried it a few times. Ouch. I was very tight, though, perhaps that was the reason. I couldn't seem to get the right angle goin'...

Maybe it is a better position for women who have had children?? I really don't know.

At any rate, it didn't hamper my sex life. :)

Different strokes for different folks... (sorry about that cliché with whiskers!)

kp2171 · Dec 30, 2007, 12:15 AM

Hope you are up for some questions...

His telling you that you suck is his stupid head up his arse. Nothing less.

So... he wants you on top? Is this a fetish of his? Can you get off any other way? Can you get off anyway?

Stop thinking about him for a moment... can you get off?

Orally? Missionary? Anyway?

If you had to ask... beg... for anything to please you... what would it be?

And does he pursue that? And do you ask for it?

Personally, I think God has a good laugh from time to time. What feels best to me might get my partber NOWHERE close to orgasm... its just a bad anatomical setup... but his laughing at you is just dumb and sophmoric. He is trying to shift blame onto you, which is just a defense mechanism.

I hope things improve between you two... and that you demand more from him than his childish noise.

George_1950 · Jan 1, 2008, 10:14 AM

You said: "I am a women that is 23 years old." You aren't grown up until you are at least 26, so there's still time. My point here is that age may not be as important as physical condition, stamina, flexibility, etc. Whether one is 23, 43, or 63, 'sex' isn't a rocking chair activity.

Please do not worry about the weight issue; sounds like your husband wants something to hold onto; after all, is he skinny? If so, then for how long?

Maybe what you could use is some videos? The instructional type, not 'xxx', the fakes. They are available. There are web sites with pillows and things as well, so you check them out, get your husband's credit card, and y'all go shopping.

Big Sky Butterfly · Jan 2, 2008, 07:36 PM

I do believe that size/weight can have an effect on the ability to enjoy sex in this particular position. It also has a lot to do with the size of his penis. If you are having issues with flexibility in the hips/legs etc. maybe try the on top position in reverse. In this position, you may be able to have your legs stretched out in front of you, rather than tucked under or in a squatting position and you will be able to balance yourself with your hands as well for better stability.