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Houston21 · Dec 28, 2007, 01:58 PM

Lets start by saying I need an unbiased opinion. I don't want to get bashed here. Ok I dated someone in high school for 2 1/2 years. When we got out of high school we moved in together. I've never loved someone like I loved her. I ended up on drugs and she broke up with me beacause she wanted to get away from that. 2 weeks later she started seeing this other guy. Then 3 months later she got pregnant on accident and then married him because of that reason. My heart was broken because I had to sit back and watch this happen. It's been almost 3 years now since we broke up. I have been dating someone a good bit older than me that has a child too. I don't love her and see no future with her. I think I am just with her to have someone for the moment. I have been off drugs for a long time now and I am doing great. I have def. grown up a lot since then and so has she. Well we didn't keep in touch with each other because neither one of us could handle being friends. She was the love of my life and I think I was her's. She was just on the rebound and then got stuck in a tough situation. We were not over and I still don't think we are. Anyway I sent her a text one night and we've been in touch ever since. That's been a few months now. She told me that she is unhappy and wishes she would never have gotten married just because she was pregnant. She said she broke up with me hoping that I would grow up and get off the drugs. Well I am still in love with her and I think she is still in love with me too. She asked if we could meet one night to talk and catch up. I need someone's opinion. What should I do?

EuRa · Dec 28, 2007, 03:44 PM

First thing first, break it off with your current girlfriend. It's not fair for her to be with you, while you know in your heart of hearts that it isn't going to work. If you can't do this first, you won't do anything correctly.

As for your other problem... I honestly don't know what to tell you. There's some things in life I just don't want to get involved in, and this is one of them.

simoneaugie · Dec 28, 2007, 04:42 PM

Hi Houston, I agree with EuRa. Break it off with the older woman first. You can be alone for a while. Yep, you will live right through it.

Yes, meet with her and talk, but meet in a public place. At the moment, she is married. Your respect of that vow (whether she is happy about it or not) says a lot about you. Be a supportive friend. If she is going to end her marriage, fine. If she ends up not doing so, there is wisdom in not being a cheat.

The two of you may yet have a marvelous relationship. I think, that in many ways, you already do. By not being sneaky, meeting as friends only, she can judge her situation more clearly. And, she can be honest with her husband.

Houston21 · Dec 29, 2007, 10:01 AM

Thanks. Yeah we are just wanting to meet as friends in a public place. She has explained that all she wants is to talk. I am just a little nervous considering it has been a long time and a lot of heart break.

George_1950 · Dec 29, 2007, 10:08 AM

Lots and lots of water under the bridge since she broke up with you. I agree: you need to end your present relationship, and so does she, a married woman. Meeting with her is a good idea, in a public place as has been mentioned. Both of you need to establish your ability to live alone and independently; open a bank account, file tax returns (which you probably have done but has she?), establish good credit, lease an apartment or buy a home; buy a car and maintain insurance, own a life-insurance policy. Good luck.

s_cianci · Dec 29, 2007, 11:57 AM

Sorry, but she's married so she's off limits.

BMI · Dec 29, 2007, 12:07 PM

I think you should definitely go, I mean this could be a wonderful story. 3 years with someone w/o contact and then this happens, sounds like a movie.

Seriously though, if she wants to see you and catch up, AND YOU wish to do the same (I suspect I already know this answer). If she is married and you are with someone than I still feel it is acceptable for you two to talk. The invitation was not for some sexual encounter at a motel, but rather a polite gesture initiated by an old friend whom cares/cared about you.

However, she is off limits physically.

talaniman · Dec 29, 2007, 02:44 PM

While I agree that you should leave your female, I disagree with you meeting a married female, unhappy or not, behind her husbands back. Just as you had to figure your life out, she has to figure her life out, and without any undo influence from you. Lets get real dude, your not meeting to help as a friend but trying to rekindle a flame you put out years ago. That's dishonest. Any contact by you whatsoever distracts her from making a good decision. I feel you know that. Given your decision making so far, the only thing you have gotten right, is to stop using, but make no mistake, you still have a lot to do for yourself. If you cared, you would leave her alone, and deal with your own life. Anything else is stinking, thinking!!

friend4u178 · Dec 29, 2007, 02:55 PM

Yes I agree you should leave this woman your with , not becaue she is horrible or anything but you obviously don't want to be in this relationship , therefore it is only a matter of time.

As far as the other girl , She is married , so OFF LIMITS for now. If you feel there is a future there let her know you would love to catch up when she is single again.

Houston21 · Dec 31, 2007, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by George_1950

Lots and lots of water under the bridge since she broke up with you. I agree: you need to end your present relationship, and so does she, a married woman. Meeting with her is a good idea, in a public place as has been mentioned. Both of you need to establish your ability to live alone and independently; open a bank account, file tax returns (which you probably have done but has she?), establish good credit, lease an apartment or buy a home; buy a car and maintain insurance, own a life-insurance policy. Good luck.

Yes we have both had all of those things...

talaniman · Jan 1, 2008, 10:25 AM

Its selfish to think of going back to someone who is vulnerable at this time. Just as you had a chance to kick drugs, let her have a chance to get her own life straight. You may not be on drugs, but you still have that addict mentality, what you want, when you want it, NOW. That's why your in a loveless relationship, and thinking of another. Get your own act together, and stop screwing up everyone else's.

Houston21 · Jan 8, 2008, 09:41 AM

Wow... ok I asked not to be bashed. Anyway I don't want to screw up anyone's life and I don't want to get into a relationship with my ex until she has figured her life out & is not married. I love her and care about her. We never met because we thought that we should wait. I would love to see her and she would love to see me but until everything is straightend out on both of our ends we thought we would just leave it at talking on the phone every now and then. I just want to make this clear... her husband keeps threatening to hit her... well as he has put it "punch her in her fck'in face". I am worried about her. She is going through a very rough time & I just want to be there for her if she needs me.

George_1950 · Jan 8, 2008, 09:52 AM

About the bashing: this site seems to have little sympathy for cheaters or those getting too close to the line. You wrote: "She is going through a very rough time & I just want to be there for her if she needs me." That is a nice, humanitarian impulse. But, she has to be willing to take care of her business, also; someone smarter than I said not to get between a fighting husband and wife.

Houston21 · Jan 8, 2008, 09:58 AM

I am not going to get in between. Just if she needs to talk to someone. That's it!

Houston21 · Jan 8, 2008, 10:33 AM

Might I add that I live 2,000 miles away from her now... I was only home over the holidays. If I wanted to cheat with her it would be a little difficult.

George_1950 · Jan 8, 2008, 10:36 AM

That depends on your perspective; some would say that to the extent she is talking to you on the phone or by email, she is cheating on her husband.

Houston21 · Jan 8, 2008, 10:57 AM

Even if her husband knows she talks to me?

George_1950 · Jan 8, 2008, 11:14 AM

He consents to his wife talking to an ex? Have they separated?

talaniman · Jan 8, 2008, 05:44 PM

Sorry if you feel bashed, but understand if she isn't calling the cops, that's her business, and you need to let her handle it. If your not telling her that, then your not helping a thing. And if he knows your calling all the time, can that help her in this? Come on, leave this married female alone, because its interfering in her relationship period. Call it what you want, but this ain't friendship. You've already told us your agenda. Do the right thing and get out of her business.

talaniman · Jan 8, 2008, 05:49 PM

Well we didn't keep in touch with each other because neither one of us could handle being friends. She was the love of my life and I think I was her's. She was just on the rebound and then got stuck in a tough situation. We were not over and I still don't think we are.

??

Your words, not mine.