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optimrkt · Dec 27, 2005, 11:46 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for about three and a half years. I love him very very much. We have recently been talking about where our lives are headed and if they could be heading in the same direction. I have been going through a list in my head if it is realistic or not... and I need advice!

I am still up in the air about wanting children and he absolutely does NOT want children. Period. I don't know if I am going to end up wanting them or not and I would hate to stay with him and find out I do, or leave and find out I don't. Either way I think I would regret something.

Then there is the marriage thing. I am in my early 20's. He is late 20's. Do you think it is just too soon for ME to be thinking about getting married. I know it may be natural for him, but for me? I can't tell you how much I love him and part of me would say yes in a hearbeat, but I don't want to do it too soon and have it end up in a bad situation. There are other things that make me think that I just couldn't quite commit to that level, but we'll just start at that. :(

RickJ · Dec 27, 2005, 11:57 AM

I had to stop reading at

Originally Posted by optimrkt

he absolutely does NOT want children. Period.

Stop considering marriage with him until the two of you are in full agreement on this point - whether for or against.

jduke44 · Dec 27, 2005, 12:01 PM

I would seriously think this over before you make any moves at this point. Some people feel they want to be married and have kids by the time they are 30 (my wife was one of them). There really isn't any rush. You sound like you are unsure with what YOU really want let alone knowing how you feel about how he is thinking. He is in his mid-20's not wanting kids. Does he want to be married? His thoughts may change later and decide he wants kids, just not right not. After you figure out what you want, think about whether he is compatible with those feelings. If they aren't then you have to decide if you are willing to wait for you and him to be on the same page. I didn't desire to be married and have kids until I was around 28. I knew though that kids would come with marriage (especially with my current wife) so I had to get on the same page or move on as to not string her along. I hope this helps. I am sure others will come along with some advice. Good luck on your decisions.

mr.yet · Jan 8, 2006, 05:21 AM

A thought crossed my mind reading your post, Does this person really care about you? Do both of you help each other, try to understand each other, or do you alone feel this way? Two people must must care for the other for any relationship to work. Yes I am married, we work out any problems by talking to each other, it is a 50/50 relationship.

Sit down and have a heart to heart talk find out want on his mind.

Just a thought.

fredg · Jan 8, 2006, 05:42 AM

Hi,
I am 63, been married now for 28 yrs (second marriage). First ended in divorce after 7 yrs. I was 24 when married the first time.
It is much, much better to wait until you don't have all these doubts.
Sure, there will nervousness when getting married, and wondering if I am doing the right thing, but should be not as much "questioning" as you seem to have right now. At the beginning of getting married the first time, I was sure it would last a lifetime; didn't work out that way!
Personally, I wouldn't consider marrying him if he says "no children". Even if you aren't sure if you want any or not, you might decide you do want children later. If he sticks by what he says, it will be too late.
I'm sure he is a wonderful man, because that's why you love him. But, he isn't a "family" man. Most married couples want a family, especially in their 20's or 30's.
I do wish you the best, and hope it turns out OK.

talaniman · Jan 8, 2006, 02:05 PM

I've been married more than 30 years and believe me you aren't the only one with fears or questions.Sit down with your b/f and talk about your fears and hopes for the future.Comunication and trust are the cornerstone for any relationship as you both must help each other through any hard times or anything else that life will throw at you.Talk with and be honest with one another builds the basis for good comunication as you both will have to grow together and love and support each other!:cool: