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George_1950 · Jan 20, 2008, 10:30 PM

Thanks for the update, man; and if you can just go NC and take care of yourself for the next few weeks, you will see things in a different light, just give it some time.

jasondbel · Jan 21, 2008, 06:12 AM

That is a dumb analogy

s_cianci · Jan 21, 2008, 06:23 AM

I think I'm going to get out of town for a bit in February. Get my mind off things.

Good idea. Meanwhile, do not blame yourself for any of this. You cannot take responsibility for someone else's feelings or actions. We all make bad choices from time to time. Sometimes we choose bad jobs, bad cars, bad friends and even bad spouses. It seems like in this case you chose a bad wife. That doesn't mean that that choice has to haunt you for the rest of your life. Just see it for what is it, a bad decision, and learn from it. Then get out of it, just like you would quit the bad job, trade in the bad car or whatever.

aboleth · Jan 25, 2008, 03:07 AM

So, please send me to the corner with the dunce cap. She asked for help fixing her laptop, because it had a virus. Virus turned out to be a keylogger. Unfortunately for me, I found the log output...

She's basically Cybering with other guys oin the internet. Local guys too... Dammit I didn't want to see that stuff... Totally breaks my heart... I love her so damn much, and I don't know how I'm going to get over this constant heartache...

*sigh*, back to no contact and not being a dumbass...

Nick

George_1950 · Jan 25, 2008, 05:28 AM

You can remove the cap after 24 hours; did she set you up or what??

talaniman · Jan 25, 2008, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by aboleth

So, please send me to the corner with the dunce cap. She asked for help fixing her laptop, because it had a virus. Virus turned out to be a keylogger. Unfortunately for me, I found the log output....

She's basically Cybering with other guys oin the internet. Local guys too... Dammit I didn't want to see that stuff... Totally breaks my heart... I love her so damn much, and I don't know how I'm gonna get over this constant heartache...

*sigh*, back to no contact and not being a dumbass...

Nick

Now that's a real bummer, but reality hurts, and I think that was her point. Cruel, but effective. Yuck! :( :mad:

aboleth · Feb 4, 2008, 04:50 PM

Ok, this is day number 8 of no contact. Removed everything in my life that reminded me of her. All the pictures, all the stuff on the web, even the stuff we had saved in the basement from the wedding. It's all gone now.

I still think of her, but not so much now. I'm actually starting to enjoy my freedom, and getting out a bit more. For all of you that said that time helps... you're right... It does. No contact works as well.

When I first decided to try out the no contact thing it was because I was hoping she'd miss me and call. Now I'm realizing more and more that it's for me. It's so I can feel better and manage my pain level through this difficult time. She hasn't called or texted me, and I don't really feel all too bad about it. That phone call or text message would just set me back... I want to move forward. If she were to call, it would go to voicemail, and that's that. I've been through way too much to let her get ahold of me again. It's to the point that I don't think I'd be able to take her back. She's done some really cold and mean things, and I don't think she has it in her to be the woman that I need in my life.

So, I'm going to get out there and look for an "upgrade" at some point. Someone who fits better. My wife and myself were always friends. The 7 years we lived together we were BEST FRIENDS. I don't really miss the sexual or intimate relationship as much as I miss having my best friend around. Right now, we can't be friends - but I'm open to it further down the road, after we've both moved on. I hope we can have a healthy friendship at some point as opposed to a bad marriage. I've just plain come to realize that it wasn't working, and she wasn't going to put in the effort that I was willing to put in. I'm sure she felt the same way about it at times as well.

So, I'm feeling allright. I'm not the happiest man alive, but I feel so much more empowered by taking the situation into my own hands and moving on for myself.

I'll keep you all updated. Thanks for the help.

Nick

George_1950 · Feb 4, 2008, 05:57 PM

aboleth writes: "When i first decided to try out the no contact thing it was because I was hoping she'd miss me and call. Now I'm realizing more and more that it's for me. It's so i can feel better and manage my pain level through this difficult time." Thanks so much for the update. It gets better, though I would wish no one would have to ever go through this.