[Kevin_s]

Hey guys,

My girlfriend is telling me she wants a break to see if she if I am the one. We're young, I don't plan on marriage for a while (we're 20) and I just don't understand her idea of couples needing to split up for a while to see if they are the one. She says this is for "us" but I'm thinking its for her.

I want to get through the holidays and then I'm just going to end things so she can have what she wants I guess. Then NC. She is all upset saying she wants to be friends and I don't treat her badly, in fact she says I treat her great.

So why does she need to compare how life is without me to that with me?

*sigh* Women are confusing.

[aiyerrc]

Give her the space... end of story... dont end it with her because that's what you think she wants... let her have the break, communicate only when she communicates with you. Let her make the final decision but don't wait around forever.

Good luck

[talaniman]

Give her what she ask for. The problem is when confronted with this request we worry about the future of this relationship, instead of taking this break to make sure we are happy and healthy, and love ourselves enough to be happy without them. Give her what she asked for, and enjoy your life, and let her deal with her drama and confusion, while you have a great time.

[George_1950]

She's not too confusing in that you think you are going to end things and she's already dumped you. She's probably already got her new guy picked out. NC for you and keep looking around because there are angels out there and you can have one.

[lavenderly]

If she is confusing, I probably am a confusing lady too. Recently I've been wanting to realise whether I am with the right man. I am in my early twenties but my boyfriend is in his early thirties. He wants to settle down but I do not. So the best idea to me, is to take a break and check my own feelings for him.

I can't deny that I am thinking of what I will miss out if I devote myself to him. I will lose all the fun that singles get when I settle down. I am too young to do that, I guess. So right now, I can tell you that you ought to give your girlfriend some time to think, but don't let her go too lose.

Remind her that you still love her, perhaps only once in a day. She will then be assured of your love and will not stray away. In fact, being less available for her might ignite her attraction for u.

Good luck, fren.

[s_cianci]

I'd end things now, even before the holidays. You don't owe it to her to stay with her through the holidays. Let her go and let her realize what she's lost.

[Kevin_s]

I'd end things now, even before the holidays. You don't owe it to her to stay with her through the holidays. Let her go and let her realize what she's lost.

Like, I know she doesn't have someone on the side, or anybody lined up. She and I love each other very much. I think before she makes another big step (like moving in or engagement... no marriage for awhile though) she wants to make sure she can't live without me. I understand that she doesn't want to like get engaged and then realize there's a problem.

But I don't know, I kind of have a issue with getting back with an ex girlfriend if they've been kissing another person and had affection with another person. Like previous boyfriends are her past, but the fact that we had a serious relationship and then she is with someone and then decides she wants us again is hard. And I don't know if she just wants a break and take some time and I'll be distant.

Idk, she was here and we exchanged our gifts and my parents gave her the gift to her and she was actually more affectionate with me then she has been in a month! And we were both talking about this issue when she was here and she was like wrapping herself around me and crying a little and upset.

I know it's not easy for either of us, and she says she needs to do this for us. I just don't know what this is going to accomplish. So she gets single time, I go into NC (or have as little of contact as I can) and she MIGHT come back after realizing what she is missing. Or she doesn't come back. It's a win-win for her it feels like. Only loss is if she decides to come back and I say screw off.

Meanwhile I'm upset because I didn't want this, and I don't want her with someone else (yes I know the flaming will probably commence because of this and possibly my own insecurities) but I do not feel like what we have is special anymore if she went and had the same relations with someone else.

I want to get through the holidays because I want to just end this year on a good note, and then I guess in a week I'll just have to talk to her and figure out what she wants/needs. I don't want to lose this one, and though I haven't vested as much time into the relationship as some of you may have with a partner or ex (I'm only at almost 2 years) they've been great and only the past few months have been rough.

If she loves me and is upset about doing this, then why is she? She's not lying or trying to let me off easy. I've known her a long time and we were really good friends before we started dating. She hasn't lied to me and knows that she can come to me with her problems and I will not place judgement on her and try to help her the best I can.

So what, do I just figure out if she wants a break or a breakup and then just say fine and start NC? I don't want to be an @$$hole to the woman I love... It's not me.

Man. =(

[Kevin_s]

Give her what she ask for. The problem is when confronted with this request we worry about the future of this relationship, instead of taking this break to make sure we are happy and healthy, and love ourselves enough to be happy without them. Give her what she asked for, and enjoy your life, and let her deal with her drama and confusion, while you have a great time.

I am perfectly fine without her, I love myself too much to be dependent on another person. But I am upset that a great relationship is being put to the test. You've always been helpful talaniman. =)

[talaniman]

Thanks Kevin, I appreciate your kind words, and hope you can work through your upset, and be happy with yourself. Given time, I think you will, as we all have had to do.

[Kevin_s]

She seems to think that this is a good thing, and that she wants to make sure I'm the right one. But I don't understand how this is a good thing. It's just heart-wrenching that she's doing this stuff. I never thought she'd do it to me. That's my fault though.

[ISneezeFunny]

Like, I know she doesn't have someone on the side, or anybody lined up. She and I love each other very much.

HAH! Been there done that. You never know. You NEVER know. NEVER NEVER NEVER know.

Sorry. Just being pessimistic. Listen to the people here. They know what they're talking about... they've all been through it.

My ex recently thought that she wanted to take a break to see what was going on. She took some time to "think things through"... yeah, 3 days later, new guy!. this is, by the way, after 3 years. My family, her family, her friends, all told me that she was taking time off to "think"... to give her some space, and to wait, and they all assured me, THERE'S NO OTHER GUY.. . yeah... we're ALL shocked. Every one of us.

Good thing I didn't wait.

[Jimmy78]

Move on you don't need that headache, I gave my ex what she asked for and she got mad saying I was treating her wrong, who has time for games.

[Kevin_s]

Hey Jimmy, this thread is quite old haha. We ended up splitting for good shortly after this post was created. After a while we became cool with one another and there were no hard feelings. Unfortunately she passed away in a tragic car accident on October 26th, 2010. I'm glad that she and I were able to make amends before she passed away. May she rest in peace.

[Cat1864]

Kevin, thank you for the update. I am so sorry about her passing away, but glad you were able to make amends.

We'll get this thread closed so that it doesn't pop-up again.

May those who know her find the peace that hopefully she has.