[Sarah Jader]

Hi,

I am dating someone and believe they are gay as they have effeminate moves with the wrists and lisp - (only 10% of the time), outside that he is quite masculine, he also has run out of a store once where there was a gay man serving him (or was this his social anxiert disorder as he says), but he has also run away from other social distresses which are no linked to being gay i.e. queing at a night club, he has NEVER had a girlfriend, and feels uncomfortable talking about his past relationships - I have questioned him and he says he is not!. but I don't seem to believe him as I can't understand why a man would have these characteristics if he is not.

Can you gay guys out there in denial be honest and shed some light here?

[Fr_Chuck]

And all blacks are gang members and all Indians own motels right,

For heavens sake what a sterotype of opions. Most gays are not even noticeable from anyone else, and many men may have hand movements and the such you would consider gay because of culture or habits.

Please learn that people can not be judged by looks. Unless you see the two men kissing in the mall of course.

[stonewilder]

Ok I'm not gay and I'm a woman but I do have something to say. I'm guessing you are his friend? He may very well be in denial but if you are his friend be a good one and don't push him. It's grate to let him know you are OK with it if he is gay but coming out is a hard and emotional thing to do. Most gays that I have talked to never wanted to be gay and tried very hard to be straight. He probably doesn't want to be gay for fear of being disowned by his family or having his friends turn their back on him. There is plenty of reasons he may be in denial (if he is) but what ever the reason let him figure it out for himself when the right time is to come out and admit it. If people looked down on us for being straight like so many look down on people for being gay we would all understand why a person might be in denial.

All right I missed the part about you dating him. If you feel he's gay then why are you dating him?

[Wondergirl]

I'm guessing being gay is not his "problem". He could have social anxiety, as he says. There could be other difficulties such as ADD or OCD or even a touch of autism.

If you enjoy being with him, make him as comfortable as you can by doing things that both of you can enjoy.

[talaniman]

Instead of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions, find out what the facts are, and accept what he has told you, and move on, or apologise.