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freestylr · Dec 21, 2007, 10:21 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we just had our first child 6 months ago but in the last couple of months I've been getting really close with one of the guys I work with but to a point where I feel strongly attracted to him. Nothing has happened between the 2 of us and he doesn't talk to me like he wants something to happen but in the last week or so he starting to make little subtle hints that he's attracted to me too - he always bringing me food, he calls me, he goes out of his way to see me - and my attraction to him is getting stronger. There's a 24 year age difference between us. I'm about to be 22 and he's 45. My relationship with my boyfriend is great, it couldn't be better. He treats me better than any man has ever treated me. Our daughter was born prematurely and he stayed with me every step of the way and he's a great father. I'm still attracted to my boyfriend, that never went away but I have this urge inside me that wants to be with this other man. I can't find any flaw in this other man to make me less attracted to him except the fact that he's more than 20 years older than me. I never hide anything from my boyfriend but this... I can't tell him. I don't know what to do.

Simple Asian · Dec 21, 2007, 10:33 PM

I am sorry that I still inexperiment to help you

But I'll try my best by saying... you having a perfect boyfriend and a daughter you love... if anything go wrong what going to happened to your daughter... dont make a mistake just because some of your fantasy... sorry to put it that way...

Best wishes...

simoneaugie · Dec 21, 2007, 11:36 PM

If you want to maintain good feelings and a good relationship with your boyfriend, you may need to cut off the relationship with the older man. I think that having several guys to take care of you is the perfect life. Your boyfriend, and the other guy probably wouldn't agree with me.

Have you heard the expression, "I'm married, I'm not dead!" Most people feel attracted to another (while they are with their partner) at least once in their lives. The question is, can you leave a good relationship, to set sail on a new one? Feeling attracted to someone else happened to me numerous times during my first marriage, where the sex was infrequent and bad. Hopefully it's that simple for you.

You may need to find another work environment. You should definitely have a conversation with the older guy (the age difference doesn't matter.) He needs to know with complete clarity that you are very close to your boyfriend and do not intend to split up with him, unless you do. Don't play with either heart.

talaniman · Dec 22, 2007, 08:28 AM

Your feelings are natural, we all get attracted to others while we have a relationship. The thing is while this is natural and healthy, there are boundaries your pushing. The way you handle attention such as this co worker, is learn a simple no-thank, you will keep him within YOUR boundaries, and sends the message that your unavailable for unwanted attention. Set your boundaries, and keep them and enjoy the attentions of others, without acting on those feelings.

Spontaneouslemon · Dec 22, 2007, 08:36 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your feelings are natural, we all get attracted to others while we have a relationship. The thing is while this is natural and healthy, their are boundaries your pushing. The way you handle attention such as this co worker, is learn a simple no-thank, you will keep him within YOUR boundaries, and sends the message that your unavailable for unwanted attention. Set your boundaries, and keep them and enjoy the attentions of others, without acting on those feelings.

I completely agree with this. Your feelings are natural. You're bound to encounter people you are attracted to. Just embrace it! It's okay to flirt, let it boost your ego up, and use it for your relationship with your boyfriend. But you do need to set a few boundaries. If something this guy does seems very forward, you need to refuse it. Let him know certain things are inappropriate considering you have a boyfriend. You don't have to have an exclusive talk about it, just when it happens, let him know.
Otherwise, innocent flirting is completely fine. You're attracted to this guy, you feel he is attracted to you, which makes you feel great, then at the end of the day, you go home, and find the man you love. You don't want to ruin that.

bushg · Dec 22, 2007, 09:10 PM

You know it is nice to have someone other than your mate find you attractive and give you attention, it can also help spice up a relationship a bit. But the biggest turn on is to have something that no other woman can have and your mate has something that no on else can have. Also take pride in the fact that you have morals that will not allow you to be a cheat.
If this man knows of your relationship and he has let it be known that he does not care, or that he is willing to take it beyond a working relationship, that says a lot about what type of person he really is. If he would cheat with you then he would cheat on you.

You are a family look at what you have created together, your baby deserves her mom and dad to be together.