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frenchteen14 · Dec 19, 2007, 03:13 PM

K well I'm gay and my family thinks that being gay is wrong.They want me to get married to someone who is also portuguese or french and start a family.I told my auntie and she was fine with it but she was worried something was going to happen to me.I want to tell my grandma who I absoulutly love but even though I know she loves me I'm scared she'll disown me.I don't want to tell her right away because a lot has happened to her this past year.What should I do?please answer before my b-day.(jan 1)

peggyhill · Dec 19, 2007, 03:27 PM

Sorry your dealing with that from your parents. It takes courage to come out, and it's hard when people aren't supportive. It's good that you have your aunt on your side. I would give grandma a break, especially if she is having a tough year. How old are you? If you're still in school and all, I would wait a while before telling her.
Does your family's objection stem from religious beliefs? I ask because while some religions denounce being gay, most ministers whom I have asked about the subject tell me that God loves all people regardless. Although the religion considers it a sin, the ministers have said that God "hates the sin, but loves the person" and we should do the same. Now I am NOT saying that I believe that about the sin part, but that is the response I have gotten from some religious people. I hope that your parents look at it in that light, if that is the case.
Are there any support organizations for gay teens in your area? We had a club at my high school. It was just a good way for kids to get support and advise on growing up as a gay teen and dealing with telling family, etc.. See if there is anything like that where you live.
I'm not trying to get into a debate on the morality of being gay, although there are some people who may try to. My personal belief is that it is just the way someone is born. But, lots of people have different views, and although I may not agree, I respect them. You have to do what makes you happy. You are under no obligation to marry a girl and have kids because that is what your folks want. They just had one kind of life in mind for you, and now they are being faced with the prospect of no grandkids from you (unless you adopt or something) and they are just disappointed. I hope as time goes by they will accept this about you and be supportive. I hope it all works out for you. Be proud of who you are and be strong.

stonewilder · Dec 19, 2007, 04:37 PM

Remember that you are the only one who must live your life, no one else. If these people truly love you they will learn to deal with you being gay and they will only care that you are happy. Marring a woman and having kids is not a cure to being gay it is only a shield to hide the truth and will only come back and bite you in the butt one day as well as hurting the wife. I know it's much easier for me to say to just be who you are... I'm not gay. I did see how unhappy my son was trying to be "straight" and it's just not worth the unhappiness of trying to be something you're not and never will be. I'm glad your aunt is OK with you being gay and I do understand her fears. I have those fears too for my son. I wish you the best of luck.

Jackaroo_Trigger · Dec 21, 2007, 01:33 PM

I agree if they really love you they will stick by you. I am in the same situation myself (I think, I know they say you young and you may change as you get older) my parents think its is really wrong to be gay. Its their opinion not yours, its your life not thiers!

Fr_Chuck · Dec 21, 2007, 05:04 PM

esp older people and those with strong religious values often have trouble with this, but normally they will deal with it and still love their family members. But again, yes they could disown you ( what ever that means in your culture) But each of us have to deal with the things in our life,

TitaniumG · Mar 20, 2008, 06:01 PM

I suggest you check out my response to a gay Christian who thought he wouldn't go to hell.I suggest even if it is your first time, to pray and ask the God up in heaven(who is real),to forgive you and help you to get over this sexual sin.I am not judging you. And I don't want u to take this as experiment,and by the your family is extremely right.