[hbpmwu]

So I came across this forum when I was searching for "why girls are so complicated" on Google... yeah I had a really bad day today and really needed advice, I hope you guys can give me some feedback on that!

So a little bit history of myself:
I'm 18, a college student right now. Nothing extraordinary about me, I talk and socialize like regular guys; I get along with girls pretty well, but when it comes to relationship, I become different, like I totally suck at it.

***************
Everything starts when my college life began. So 1 day I met a girl on campus, she told me that I look really familiar. I didn't really recognize her, but since we both came from the same country (we both immigrated to US), I guess we might really met before, so we just exchanged contact information just in case. We started talking online, and after some background comparison, we were both surprised to find out that we were in the same class in elementary school for 2 years. Yeah that's a really rare coincidence. At first, I saw her as a regular old friend and we just hang out once in a while. But after some time, I felt that something had changed. I started to miss her, and I started to ask her out more often; and it seemed not only me, she started to ask me out more often too. I felt that I started to like her, and I felt that she might like me too. Like, we warmed each other's hands when it was freezing cold, she slept on my shoulder when we were having classes together, yeah it just makes me feel that we're getting really close together.

On the last day of school before winter break, we stayed together for the last few minutes before we left. I gave her a beanie as a christmas present, and out of my expectation, she had a chirstams present for me too. It was a box filled with little origami turtle (she said turtle because it's challenging). Finally, I told my feeling about her. She was totally surprised (and she said it too), and told me that give her some time and she'll give her response later.

Well today, while we're talking online normally, she suddenly mentioned she had made her decision: she doesn't want to be involve in any relationship. I just FREAKED out. I had never expected something like that from her. All the time I thought we like each other was apparently wrong, according to her. She said "we like each other, but our 'like's are not the same at all". So she just told me not to wait for her, since she won't regret her decision. Omitting a lot of argument, I eventually reached the point that I made a grip of myself and stopped being unreasonable (which is really rare). She said she wanted to keep the relationship we're having right now, and I finally agreed, and told her to forget everything I said.

Yeah so for now, we're friend again. But I seriously doubt that I can withstand this kind of relationship anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. What should I do?

p.s: sorry I didn't realize I type so much, I guess I just suck at summarization -__-

[simoneaugie]

Her feelings for you aren't what you would like them to be. She wants to stay friends. You had very different expectations of where the relationship was going. She did not make you have the expectations. What is really great is that you have a true friend who is honest.

If you need to stay away from your relationship with her, tell her. Give yourself some space and some time to re-group. Talk to her later.

In the beginning of your post, you mentioned that you did OK with other guys but you suck at relationships (with girls.) I hope you're not basing this on this one girl. Meet more girls. Relationships are meaningful things shared by friends. Sometimes it turns sexual and seclusive, but it's still your friend.
Simone

[Chery]

In our lives, we will be confronted with many friendships, many rejections, and many joys. But also a bit of pain. Not just in personal relationships, but in jobs and other goals in life and we just have to learn how to deal with them. This is all part of being human and growing. Don't let the first rejection bring you down, benefit from the friendship and you will get more self-assurance in each relationship as you go along in life. We all go through it and we all survive it somehow - depending on how we learn to handle rejections of any type is what makes us stronger. I guarantee that many more young men your age are going through the same things in life and you will all get over it, and will reflect on these times 20 years from now and might even laugh about it. simoneaugie is right - true friendship can be better than fake love any day and you both can benefit for life.

Good luck, and Happy Holidays to you dear. Keep us posted.

[mafiaangel180]

It might be hard to stay friends with her because you like her. In my opinion, I would be her friend (text and email that sort of thing), but I wouldn't really hang out with her until you are over her.

[talaniman]

It's a big red flag you handle rejection so poorly, and would argue over how someone feels because of what your own expectations are. When a female says no thank you, then be gracious, and bow out. Your so lucky she didn't treat you like the jerk you are. She took the high road and accepted your behaviour, and still offered her friendship. Nothing left for you to do but, get over yourself and learn a valuable lesson, and move on. It may be hard for now to accept her offer, but in time maybe you will.

[ilovcali]

I don't completely agree with Tal which is rare. I think part of her reaction may stem from the fact that maybe you dropped how you felt at the wrong time. And maybe you did read her right, and that is why you reacted so badly. All of us have made that mistake at some point, just learn from it.

Usually when a girl is unreasonable with me, I walk away and cool off. In this case, she maybe not be unreasonable, she just isn't giving you what you want. You don't want to say something stupid in the heat of the moment.

If you cannot be her friend, walk away. Continuing on while you are both on different pages of the book, will lead to more problems later on. Stay away from her for awhile, for your benefit, and also for the benefit of your friendship with her.

Let the drama, and that is all it is, subside. Things will be better in the long run.

--cali

[hbpmwu]

Thanks for the response everyone... it meant a lot to me :]

Oh I'm not naturally bad at talking to girls. I am fine hanging out with both guys and girls. But when it comes to love relationship with girls, I just become suck. Actually this is not my first rejection, it happened two times before. Those two times were different though, since I tried to develop a love relationship without the basis of friendship. This time, however, I never expected I would like her until we became really good friends. I guess it hurt extra much this time because I had great expectation.

I understand I handled the situation really bad this time. It's a really harsh lesson, and I hope I won't commit the same mistake next time. Also, my friend told me that I was being too impatient. Maybe I was impatient after all? Maybe I should've let this relationship built up naturally at the beginning?

Anyway, it's too late to change anything now. I guess you guys are right: it's the best for me to keep distance from her for awhile until I can get over her. It's going to be tough, but I'll try my best. Yeah, when I woke up this morning, everything still feels like a dream. I still couldn't handle the fact that she rejected me. It's just so... surreal :[

Thanks again for the response... and have a nice break!

[George_1950]

I think she's a coward and a punk. She knew how you felt and encouraged you, and when you told her how you felt, she acted surprised? Baloney. And then she drops the axe online. She has absolutely no heart and no class; you are much better off without her. I'll say this again: she knew she was leading you on, and she was waiting for you to tell her. Your situation shows the need for coping strategies after the relationship has ended, as well as strategies while the relationship is in its infancy. hbpmwu: you need to have learned something from this so that you don't repeat yourself.