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hiddensecrets11 · Dec 18, 2007, 05:35 PM

my boyfriend manages to relate absolutely everything to sex. I know he has a really high sex drive and gets horny all the time and easily gets sexually frustrated. This worried me in case he was purely with me for sex, so I made him wait, we have just started getting a bit more physical with the odd oral sex. The thing is I'm still worried he may be with me for sex, its always on his mind, if we are out and about shopping or whatever he will just randomly come out with "your so hot you make me horny all the time" or if we are out clubbing he would say "come back to mine and ill show fun". The thing is I've never been in a relationship before so I'm totally inexperienced, I wouldn't know if he was taking advantage of me. Is it normal for lads to think about sex so much, I'm probably over paranoid but I often think once we start every time I see him he will want sex, he's not said that but he is sex mad after all. My friends said it will wear off after a while but I'm not sure? Sometimes he makes patronising comments like you wouldn't know what that was, or your not ready for me to come in your mouth etc, and although I think he may be trying to understand I can't help but feel a little embarrassed at my lack of experience.

basically all I want to know is it is normal for him to sex on his mind like all the time, and whenever we talk he somehow usually manages to wangle sex into the conversation. I don't know what I feel or think or what to do?

friend4u178 · Dec 18, 2007, 05:57 PM

How old are you two?

hiddensecrets11 · Dec 18, 2007, 05:57 PM

20 he is 21

friend4u178 · Dec 18, 2007, 06:06 PM

Well first of all yes it is common for men of this age to be thinking of sex all the time. However I don't think it is right for him to continually bringing it up in conversation with you. And as far as him making patronising comments to you that is not acceptable and you should tell him so. It sounds to me like he is goading you into having sex with him.

BOTTOM LINE If you aren't ready don't do it. If he can't love you for who you are and without the sex until you are ready then he doesn't deserve you anyway.

hiddensecrets11 · Dec 18, 2007, 06:12 PM

I just can't work him out, its not that I'm not ready as when we kiss passionately I can get horny and would take it further but its him that's like your not ready for that yet. But then he makes comments like how's the lingerie hunt going etc etc. I can't work him out. He says he will always be a gentlemen with me and respect my views, but its hard because I know how much he wants it, so shouldn't I respect his views and at least compromise? He's such a nice guy in every way he's so thoughtful, genuine, caring, warming, happy etc etc and has good looks and intelligence which isn't the be all and end all but its good, and I don't want to lose him over him being horny a lot if this is natural, I keep thinking to myself well he must like me to be with me otherwise he would find someone that will give it to him straight away, but I also don't want him to take advantage of my lack of knowledge in a way that I would expect, its tricky, I guess ill just stick at it for now and see how it goes!
Thanks for your super fast replies really helped me!

friend4u178 · Dec 18, 2007, 06:22 PM

So your saying that he stops it and won't let it happen? Maybe he is all talk and isn't as experienced as he says , just a thought.

Xrayman · Dec 18, 2007, 06:27 PM

Mm he sounds a little rude to me. Stick by your guns.

Choux · Dec 19, 2007, 12:51 PM

He is making a verbal assault on your personhood and setting you up so you will accept all his favorite sexual practices(probably seen in porn). He wants to treat you like a toilet.

He is one selfish manipulative guy; only bad things can come to you from knowing this guy for even one more day... no, one more hour. How are you going to get over the shame after he abuses you?

Best wishes, trust you instincts always,

Synnen · Dec 19, 2007, 12:58 PM

Make him a bet.

Bet him that he can't stop talking about sex, period, for one week.

*I* will bet that he loses.

He's playing games with you. If he won't just sit down and have an honest and frank discussion with you about the thoughts and feelings and expectations that each of you have about sex, then NEITHER of you is ready to have sex.

How can you have good, honest, fun sex when you can't talk about it honestly and with trust?

talaniman · Dec 19, 2007, 07:47 PM

Can't you just tell him to cut it out? Don't let your inexperience keep you from expressing your uneasiness when he crosses your boundaries. Speaking of boundaries, set them and keep them. Inexperiences does not equal disrespect. He carries on this way because you let him. Trust me he ain't all that, hormones or not. And he ain't that cute to say anything he wants.