[Q1212]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and we love each other a lot. Usually I go see her most nights at her house or she goes to mine. Sometimes I feel like when I get to see her she couldn't wait to see me and gives me a hug or kiss and some days I get there and feel like if I didn't call her and ask if I could come over I probably wouldn have seen her. Like she don't like me anymore. The other day I was asking her about stuff and I found out that she said she doesn't feel like she is attracted to me anymore as a boyfriend and more as a best friend. She thinks that she is like this because she has been really stressed out lately. And she said she wants to figure it out and not break up. I think that its because we aren't in a romantic atmosphere. We either go to her house and hang and watch a movie or something but we are never alone over there. Someone always seems to be in there with us. And when we go to my house we do that too but we are more alone but we don't ever get a house to ourselves. I really don't know what to do to get her to like me again and be attracted. The space thing isn't going to work I don't think. I think she just wants to see me and get past it. And if we ended up breaking up I will be heartbroken. I feel like she is the love of my life and I don't ever want to lose her.

Any advice on what I can do?

[George_1950]

What is your age and her age?

[Q1212]

Im 18. She's 16.

[chris08]

Just a typical 16yr old who's still growing up and wants to have fun and have lots of friends and doesn't want to settle down. Can't blame her really can you? Also there's a lot of pressure on her at that age, with Education and things like that. Maybe she just needs a lot of support at the moment? I've been there, done that, got the T-Shirt etc. I was 18 too. Stay in touch with her, wait until she's older and more mature.

[George_1950]

Are there some things that the two of you like to do? At your point, it is a normal thing for an older guy to have a younger girlfriend. I don't mean to offend in any way, but you are both young; you have a lot to learn, and can expect to have many years to learn about love and about heartbreak. Love is an adventure, especially romantic love. For a young person, it is a journey without road signs or a map. All you know from one moment to the next is that it feels either good or bad; things change and you don't know why. When I am in your situation, I like to go to the library, or the internet, such as you have done here. Please have an 'open mind' about what you are going to read; you are growing up and you must be willing to try to listen to what folks are saying without just disagreeing and walking away.

[Q1212]

I'm not asking her to settle down or anything. I love her more than anything and I just want to keep our relationship and have her attracted to me again. Its not like I'm planning to ask her to marry me soon. If I did it would be a like 4 or 5 years or something.

[chris08]

That's the thing, you can't make her attract you. I know how you feel, believe me. You'll be surprised how much giving her space works by the way. Just don't make the mistakes a lot of people make, by pushing and pushing her, because you'll lose her forever probs.

[Q1212]

So you think that I need to give her space? How long? And Christmas is coming soon and I got to see her then.

[chris08]

Well she's confused me now after re-reading that she's saying she doesn't feel attracted to you yet she doesn't want to break up? That just doesn't make sense. It may help if you go out somewhere together, out the house, just you and her. And talk. Or it may help if you leave her alone until the new year. But it sounds like she's too confused with what she wants. Give her a card and present if you have too... then leave her to figure out what she wants..

[Q1212]

So you think I should what take her out somewhere nice and talk or just not see each other for a while?

[George_1950]

Well, there you are with no road signs and no map. Welcome to romantic love. Whatever you decide, watch and assess what your girlfriend does, not what she says. And whatever happens, don't get mad at her, just take responsibility for your own actions and do the right thing. I am certain you can do this.

[Q1212]

I got you man. This is just so diffiucult. But her and I will get through this.

[George_1950]

Atta boy; I know she is beautiful and you want to look into her eyes, but watch what she does and do not take the fakes. It's your job to figure out where they are.

[talaniman]

Most younger guys have very unbalanced lives, and tend to see their g/f's way too much. Especially a 16 year old just getting her act somewhat together. Back off a little and pay attention to other areas of your life. The danger of making her your universe, is that you neglect you, and what makes YOU happy. She can't do that for you.

[Q1212]

So he's saying see her but not like everyday? What about talking to her on the phone the days I don't see her? Is that OK?

[George_1950]

She is saying, give me some room. No calling, OK? When this last happened to me, it became obvious that I needed a coping plan, a plan to cope with a large loss in what I perceived to be my life. Taniman has just said what I would say: do not make this girl friend the center of your universe. To the extent that this has happened, you need to 'un-do' it. It will make you feel better and much less anxious. For my own part, I realized this past weekend that splitting wood is absolutely no help; my mind has to be doing something, it has to be distracted away from where I placed the center of my universe, my girlfriend. You can do this.

[Q1212]

I'm seeing her tonight for a little bit and we're going to talk about this stuff.