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At my breaking point
I'm just writing, I guess at my last attempt to reach out. I am at my breaking point and I don't understand God's reason for giving me this type of pain. And, honestly I am getting very, very close to throwing in the towel...
I keep getting my heartbroken; I go out with new eligible guys and get rejected. I get compared to my prettier coworker & have hardly heard from a guy that I was beautiful my whole life Even when I was growing up I heard comments about how beautiful my mother is from other people; even my dates/boyfriends; got teased for not being pretty; the whole nine.. I can't take it anymore. I tried to get a nose job, but nothing big has changed. I just get more guys that I don't want to date appraoch me. But guys I like? Still bearly no change. My friends are dating guys & I'm alone & I can't get past one date with guys who I am attracted to. I wake up everyday feeling ugly, and I can't deal. I played with the idea of buying some antifreeze the other day & I'm really seriously considering it because I feel like sh$%. Everyday I just want to crawl up in a corner and I don't even want to talk to people anymore . I'm so embarrassed. I'm too old for this. It affects everything; my finances, my work. I'm just losing my drive to do anything because I don't see the light at the end of my tunnel anymore. I pray but nothing has changed. If God loved me; why would he keep me in this situation? Is his plan for me to be constantly compared to other females and rejected for the rest of my life?Is there supposed to be some lesson in this? If so; I quit; I just quit.. |
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My life is pretty much the same way, but I decided I'm not letting guys not interested in me stop me from living life to the fullest I can. I decided that I might as well put all my effort into working jobs I enjoy, studying things I enjoy and going places and doing things I enjoy.
After a while you can get to the point that you are enjoying life so much that you aren't concerned with if you have a guy in your life or not. I haven't figured it out myself yet. I know what you mean though. I am somewhat outgoing and like doing spur of the moment things. Guys that are set in their ways and have strange idiosyncrasies tell me how much they love me and they don't even really know me. And all the guys that I think I would get along with great and have known for awhile treat me like a little sister or something. Anti freeze isn't the answer. If God loved me; why would he keep me in this situation? Think of it this way maybe someday he will bring somebody extra special and if you are with somebody else for the sake of having somebody you might miss out. |
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Kia, Time for you to take charge of your sexual life and quit waiting for Prince Charming... he isn't out there. Are you assessing each man as a potential husband from the beginning?? That's not working.
To start changing, do the following: Talk to "nerds" and "unattractive" guys everyday, and at the end of the week, ask the one that appeals to you out for lunch. Listen to everything he has to say and ask intelligent questions. If he seems receptive to you, go about seducing him. Share your knowledge of pleasure with him... be a happy, pleasant lover. Now, you have the right focus... you are giving and loving and thinking of someone else. It is by giving that we receive. :) Best wishes on the first day of the rest of your life! |
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You should learn how to be happy with yourself, be self-sufficient. Try putting your effort into everything you do one day, and see how rewarding it is in the end. Sometimes in life, this doesn't come easy for you but neither does it for everyone. You're a beautiful person and don't let anyone tell you anything different. Live life to the fullest because happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. Don't kill yourself, my friend. It's not worth it, and you know that as well as I do. Also, try to see things from different perspectives, be open-minded and be happy. Keep us posted on how your feeling, we all would like to help you out
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Stop looking and feeling sorry for yourself. Not being insensitive. Talking from experience! I looked and looked and felt like crap about myself. Finallly one day I said enough is enough. I don't need anyone to be happy. I am a free spirited fun, easy going girl. And then I met my soulmate. Weeks later. I am a big girl. I am 21 I weigh about 250lbs, I am 5'10 and was always out of place. I met a man who makes me so happy an is more handsom and sexy then I ever thought I would be with! A 5'11 170 lbs kind man with blue eyes. The point is, confidence and self respect will get you further that anything else. And what is meant by the anti freeze comment? Don't do anything stupid. You call e-mail me and I will call you if you feel that hopless. But confidence is the sexiest trait you can have.
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 Originally Posted by Kia
If God loved you? God loves you. The problem is not if God loves you or not because there is no question he does. The question is why do you not love yourself? It is not God that is keeping you in the situation your in right now, It is yourself and your own personal thoughts that are keeping yourself in this situaiton. Yes, There is always a lesson. We are in a school of life here. It is all about learning, progressing and you will do that once you learn how to change the way you think. Instead of blaming God for all your troubles you need to look deep within yourself and realise that your out look in life and your lack of faith is what is keeping you from growing from any experience in this life. As far as needing a boyfriend, or needing a partner. Why are you in such a need for approval from other people? Other people of this world has no right to judge you but it seems like your doing a good enough job on your own, with your own personal judgements on yourself that is causing this heart break. Instead of blaming God, Why not get him to lift you up. Ask for his guidance. Pray daily for revelations and meanings for all of this. What about doing things in your life which will help you realize that the only person that is causing your pain is yourself and your thoughts. You are your own creator and you can create better things. As far as people making comments about other people and not yourself so what. What should you care about what others think, or what you may think others think. There are many ways of learning how to change your situations. Or your way of thinking. You need hope and I am telling you that instead of looking at past experiances and just look at today. Stop thinking about what other people might thing and look at things with your own mind and heart and start reaching for the sky and make changes that will effect you positively. I also believe in counseling. It is very important anytime in your life that you feel a heavy load that seeking out counseling is very important especially right now. This will help you release are your troubles plus find solutions that will help you make a brighter and happier future. Prayers are with you and hope this helps. |
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I will have to agree with several of the ones above, you have to first learn to be happy with yourself, not relying on what guys or others say or think about you.
Next of course God does not always even want us to have a specific partner, and for many he has them a life alone to better serve him. And what type of guys are you looking for, and if you are looking for those to like you on looks alone, then you are picking the wrong guys. But if you really feel this way, you need to get some good Christian counseling, since this is not the way we deal with our problems. Next you seem caught up on your looks, do you know the most homely girl gets a partner not on looks but on their personality, if you find a boyfriend only on looks, there will never be a lasting relastionship |
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Its not that I "need" approval; its just that I can't seem to escape realizing/being reminded that I don't get it like other women. I grew up watching my mother get it; my friends get it, and other random women get it. But I don't. Yes; those women all say you shouldn't care about what pther people think of you; but I feel its easy to say that when the majority of the time you are getting admired for your beauty. A few people who don't notice; don't count to you.
But, when you hardly ever get it; it just magnifies the issue; at least to me. It hurts. Thing is; I'm trying; I'm so trying. That's why I decided to meet up with a new guy recently, because I was feeling "good" about myself. Last week, I made a decision to not let things affect my emotions; because I am very fragile I know. That same week, my coworker kept asking everyday about my female coworker that the guys seem to think is the hottest thing walking. Every time I saw him I got " where is she?" When she came to my office; suddenly the two guys were all in there pretending like they came to visit me. When she left; it went back to asking where she was. It just starts to get a little insulting after a while. Then I write a lettter to a guy I have been in love with for years,and he hasn't called; and yesterday I met up with this very hot guy who I have been talking on the phone,IM ing for 2 weeks almost everyday. At the end of the night he says" it was nice meeting you" and did not send me an IM at all today. The point I'm making is that how in the heck can you build new self esteem when you feel kicked in the teeth in the same way as soon as you start trying? Its like I don't know how to escape. It may seem trivial to some people; but this pain has belonged to me all of my life. Its like I'm branded with it or something; or it won't let ME go. That's why killing myself runs through my mind a lot. I pray and ask God to just let something work out for me; so I can at least get a start in felling better; but then this stuff happens I don't know |
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Your problem is that your focused on always finding somebody and always clinging on guys that your hardly know. You need to learn that being single is a positive experience. You need to stop being so dependent on a relationship with a guy.
You probably missed that point with Fr Chuck but it is so true. You are at a point in your life that you need to stop chasing guys, and stop being so desperate and actually learn to love yourself and do things for yourself and learn to be happy with yourself and one day when the right moment is there. That right person will find you. |
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Yep JH's and some other replies reminded me I also have found that the years I did have a boyfriend I was never happy cause they always wanted to control me, always questioning me and telling me I should have just gone to the store down the street and the laundramat up the street instead of going to the store and laundramat at the bottom of the hill etc...
When I am focused on self sufficient and couldn't care any less about a guy in my life I have much more peace, focus and direction in my life. I look at my friends with their mates and for the most part all I see are couples that have gotten in a rut. |
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First of all I don't think this is about boys at all. What you believe about yourself is what you attract. Also, haven't you heard about self fulfilling prophecies. I think low self esteem started as a seed and has snow balled into something bigger than you can handle. You can't just "think" it away or "talk yourself out of it." I'm no doctor, but I do know something about depression. What you have here is a full blown case of depression. No wonder you can't think straight. You are mired down in your situation and it will be VERY difficult to come out of it without some sort of assistance. It could be situational or chemical depression. Either way, drugs and/or counseling are imperative. I know of which I speak. When your head is above the mire, then you be will able to employ all the positive self talk, self help, etc. that others here have suggested. And it will work. One last bit of advice. Be the person you want to attract. Just be your best self, take care of your health, body, and spirit and your life will all fall into place.
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Hello Kia - you have been having a time of it. You don't say how old you are - but okay. I understand your frustration. Having been a single woman all my life, I can relate. First, I agree with some of the advice here.
Let me see if I can suggest a few things here. You have recently - or I guess for some time now been very hurt by all these rejections. Of course, you feel hurt - it hurts. People are rejecting you - or you feel rejected. God is not comparing you to other females - maybe other people are comparing you to other women - or you are comparing yourself to other women and thinking I am not as beautiful as they are. There is something about your comments that concerns me - the antifreeze yes, and we can talk about that in a minute. But what concerns me is this - you are concerned about beauty - yes and I guess for starters beauty is important to some men and they go for the hot chicks. Not all men are looking for a hot chick or a relationship with a woman just because she is beautiful. Where are you in all this? What do you like in a man? Why is it that the only thing that is going to get you a boyfriend is beauty? You mention these men in your life but nothing about how you felt about them. Nothing about whether you liked guy? Were you able to talk with him. You are not seeing the big picture here - there is more to having a boyfriend than beauty. I mean, if I believe that the only thing I need to find a boyfriend is beauty then hey - what about everything else? Like do I like this man? Do I find him interesting? Can I talk and share with him? What kinds of things does he like to do for fun? Is he kind? Is he a man that has goals? Can I relate to him? Does he make me laugh? Can I see myself being friends with him? Do I like him? And of course he is checking me out too - we are getting to know each other. On some level you are not connecting with people - men are people just like you and me. And for example, you could go out with a 100 women - as friends, nothing sexual - there would be some that you would not like - some that would be boring, others that you would not connect with - and then some that you would say - yeah, she is a nice friend, we talked a lot about different stuff, she seems nice. People have relationships for someone to be close to, to share with, to love, to have fun with - some people want a beautiful person - OK, the point is well taken. Most people are trying to find someone that they like - and beauty is in the eye of the beholder - and that they can connect with emotionally and intellectually. It is who you are to me that means most. You talk about your Mom and your friends that are with boyfriends - they may have more experience than you in meeting people, talking with people, getting out there. You have placed way too much emphasis on how you look - like that is the only thing that matters. I would say that right now your goal is to be friends only - yes, because you are trying too hard and placing your self-esteem at the mercy of other people. Some people may like you - and some people YOU may not like. Somehow you are erasing yourself out in this interchange - it takes two people to decide they like each other, want to get to know each other, want to spend time together. You are not acknowledging how you feel, what you want, - somehow like I said - its all about the other person - its almost like you are not there - that somehow its all dependent on what the other person wants, how he feels, what he likes, its all about him - and where are you in all this? Are YOU choosing guys only for their looks? "I get more guys that I don't want to date". I mean, lets be realistic here - if you are only choosing men that you think are hot - then yeah, maybe you are getting rejected because men sense that you are not choosing them for who they are - but only because of the way they look. And if in fact you are only interested in them because of the way they look - and you have no interest at all to know who they are as people - yeah, you may just be setting yourself up. You may also not be giving these men a chance to know you. People like people who are interested in them - who want to talk with them and so forth. There is so much more to that man than his looks. So men do like you - just not the ones you want. Men do find you attractive and want to go out with you. Men do want to connect with you. You are not hopeless my dear. Men have taken notice of you and want your attention. You need to work on your inner self - your strengths. You are an emotional person and cannot deny your feelings. Your feelings get hurt - and you sound like you have been hurt. Your self-esteem is not at the mercy of other people. Other people do not decide who and what you are. There is so much that you need to learn about yourself and all that you are. You are being so hard on yourself - when really what you need is self-love and understanding. I suggest that you find an individual therapist that you can work with, preferably a female therapist and/or psychologist. The solution is not anti-freeze, it is working on your inner self, your strengths, learning about yourself - and this you can change. You may want to check out some of my other posts where we have talked about why this inner work is so important. Write back and say how you are. Take care. |
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