[Michelle Miller]

You sound very selfish. She was good enough for you to sleep with but, you talk about her this way that's effed up. You need to be polite and supportive and find out what this girl wants to do does she want to keep it is she interested in adoption. It is not like she was trying to trap you she was not the only one in the bed. You know how bad you feel. Well think about how she feels. She might of even liked you and thought since you were willing to do these things with her I am sure she thought you liked her. Can you imagine accidentally getting pregnant and the guy was just as in it as you were. You found out you are pregnant now he is treating you like something on the bottom of his shoe. Your right you might or you might not lose your girlfriend. That is not this girls fault either. You are the one who is in a relationship if you loved your girlfriend you should have kept it in your pants. If you had there would be no problems. Do the right thing still go to school. You also need to be there for this girl and support whatever decision she makes. If she wants to put it up for adoption be nice and be there for her and sign the papers. If she wants to keep it be nice to her and tell her you are not ready and you would like to give up your parental rights to the baby. Go to a lawyer and sign the papers. That is if you don't want to be in the babies life. Your going to have to tell your girlfriend because, she will find out eventually one way or another. She will either forgive you or it will be over but, you should have thought about that before you cheated on her. Now go and do the right thing.

Michelle

[Synnen]

You sound very selfish. She was good enough for you to sleep with but, you talk about her this way thats effed up. You need to be polite and supportive and find out what this girl wants to do does she want to keep it is she interested in adoption. It is not like she was trying to trap you she was not the only one in the bed. You know how bad you feel. Well think about how she feels. She might of even liked you and thought since you were willing to do these things with her I am sure she thought you liked her. Can you imagine accidentally getting pregnant and the guy was just as in it as you were. You found out you are pregnant now he is treating you like something on the bottom of his shoe. Your right you might or you might not lose your girlfriend. That is not this girls fault either. You are the one who is in a relationship if you loved your girlfriend you should of kept it in your pants. If you had there would be no problems. Do the right thing still go to school. You also need to be there for this girl and support whatever decision she makes. If she wants to put it up for adoption be nice and be there for her and sign the papers. If she wants to keep it be nice to her and tell her you are not ready and you would like to give up your parental rights to the baby. Go to a lawyer and sign the papers. That is if you don't want to be in the babies life. Your gonna have to tell your girlfriend because, she will find out eventually one way or another. She will either forgive you or it will be over but, you should have thought about that before you cheated on her. Now go and do the right thing.

Michelle

Michelle--he can sign over his rights all he wants to, but that will ONLY mean he has no say in the child's life. He'll STILL be responsible for child support. Signing over your parental rights is generally ONLY allowed if someone is there to adopt the child.

His girlfriend IS going to find out, if only when the child support papers come.

[Michelle Miller]

I said right there in the message I wrote that he needs to tell his girlfriend he will either forgive or he won't. I think if she decides to keep the baby he either needs to be in the child life or not. I have a child from before I got married and if they are suppose to come but, don't. It hurts them when they don't show up. I just think he either needs to make up his mind if he is either going to be a real father or a half hinney one. If he is not going to be there when he is suppose to and pay what he is suppose to then he needs to let them move on with their lives. I am not sure about the parental rights thing. I would think if he was giving up all rights to the child that would also make it where he didn't have to pay child support. I am not by any means trying to help him get out of paying child support. If he is going to act toward them the way he was talking about the child's mother they would be better off with out him in their life. I many times wish my sons father had signed away his rights. Anyway I think he needs to do what's right.

[sprewel1614]

"Ahh, but the decision to drink to excess was a conscious decision. By the way, the courts have rejected the premise that being drunk is an out for committing a crime."

The decision to drink does no entail the decision to lose ones rights. If this were so, no girl would ever get away with charging a man with rape due to her intoxication. How can a person consent to sex if they can't think logically. The sober person should be aware of this before they decide to have sex with the intoxicated party. It clearly can't be analogous to a drunken person committing a crime because of the nature of the incident. There was another conscious party actively carrying the event forward, one that should have had the awareness to prevent the event from taking place.

"If the female in this situation had posted, I would be just as hard on her. She has consequences for her choices too."

I disagree. While I'm sure it is very difficult on her, I feel that having a choice puts her above his situation. It seems to me that if he could endure an abortion to make this go away, he would. Since he can't, the situation is even more bleak from his point of view.


I'd like to add: Because this girl carries the responsibility of pregnancy and you really don't have the ability to decide whether it continues, you need to accept that this baby will be born. Your life has to change now, because however this baby came to be, it needs to be cared for properly. You might have a lot of negative feelings towards the mom and a great sense of loss, but you need to look at this from a different perspective if you are going to get through it the right way. Your perspective needs to be centered around the child, which is honestly the most innocent party in this mess. Doing the right thing will take a lot of sacrifice, but being as supportive as you can to the child (and subsequently its mother) will make you a better person in the end. I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to, but it doesn't mean that you can never be happy again.

[ScottGem]

I am not sure about the parental rights thing. I would think if he was giving up all rights to the child that would also make it where he didn't have to pay child support.

We ARE sure about the parental rights thing. There are dozens of threads here that have discussed the issue. There is also a sticky note about it. It was also discussed earlier in this thread. The bottomline is that courts will NOT allow a father to relinquish parental rights to get out of child support. Generally TPR is granted only where there is someone waiting to adopt or the parent represents a danger to the child. Please make sure of your facts, before giving inaccurate advice.

[talaniman]

Talaniman

"If the female in this situation had posted, I would be just as hard on her. She has consequences for her choices too."

Sprewel1614

I disagree. While I'm sure it is very difficult on her, I feel that having a choice puts her above his situation. It seems to me that if he could endure an abortion to make this go away, he would. Since he can't, the situation is even more bleak from his point of view.

I don't think the fact she has a say over whether she has a child or not, puts her above the situation. It does give her an added responsibility though, as raising a child without the father is going to be rough, and his child support will never cover enough of the cost for raising a child. That's why I don't care about either, so called parent in this case, only the innocent child.

[Michelle Miller]

Amen that is what I was trying to say. I was just trying to tell him how he could do the best thing for the child.

[Starrviolet]

Hi,

I am in a real dilemma. I made the stupid mistake of having a one-night stand with a local girl. The girl in my opinion is a loser and is the kind of person that would want a child to fit in with her single mum friends. She doesn’t work, scrounges off the government and generally has little going for her. I was very drunk and we had a one night stand, never to talk again. 3.5 weeks later I get a call from the girl saying she is pregnant and wants to keep the baby.

I almost feel I was used to get her pregnant.

I have a life, a wonderful girlfriend that I adore. If I was to lose this girl I am not sure what I would do with myself. I have begged the girl to think about this properly and have advised an abortion.

I can't understand why she would want to keep a random persons child?

Someone please help me, I can't lose my life over this. I am only 22 and had so much going right for me and I worked so hard to get everything right.

Now I am going to lose my childhood sweetheart. We have been together since we were 16. We are best friends and happily in love.

I was in a paraletic state when I made this mistake and would never do anything to hurt my GF.

This girl lives locally to me and I am worried she will destroy my life. She has nothing better to do with her time.

Someone please help me. This can't be happening to me.

Well you sure sound like someone who wants to point the finger of blame here! You are the one with the girlfriend whom you say you love sooo much yet you allowed yourself to screw some other girl. Doesn't sound like an award-winning boyfriend to me. I'm tired of hearing people blame their actions on being drunk... like who's fault was it you were drunk in the first place? YOURS. So now this girl says she is pregnant.. Who do you think you are telling her to get an abortion? Because it will ruin your perfect life with your girlfriend? No Im sorry honey, you are the only one who ruined that.. Its not the girls fault nor that innocent baby she is carrying. As far as if it is your baby or not, you will have to wait until the baby is born and do a DNA test.. and if the baby is yours, you should take full responsibility for it and stop being a selfish little kid... and if its not yours, then I guess you can continue living this lie you are so willing to keep from your girlfriend, that you got drunk one night and forgot all about her and screwed some girl.. thats what it all comes down to.

[sprewel1614]

"I don't think the fact she has a say over whether she has a child or not, puts her above the situation. It does give her an added responsibility though, as raising a child without the father is going to be rough, and his child support will never cover enough of the cost for raising a child."

She's not above the situation, what I mean was she was above his situation due to her options. For instance, she has to option to send it up for adoption, abort it, she could leave it with him et cetera... To me options were always beneficial in a situation. Anyway, I agree that the kid matters much more than either of these two in this situation and that's the main concern.

[ayashe]

The ultimate loser in this? This unborn child. This child didn't asked to be fathered by someone who didn't even mention him/her when begging for help. Seriously, if you are the father (I highly suggest DNA testing) I am really concerned that all your thinking about is how this will effect you. Your girlfriend has the right to know what you have done. You made the mistake, now stand up and be a man, and deal with it. Ignoring it, will not make it go away. This girl didn't and can't ruin your life, you opened that door of shame yourself by not keeping Mr. Happy where he belonged.

[dollface_93]

HAHA, this happened to me, of course me being the girl that ended up prgnant, and he too had a girlfriend at the time, was very supportive, went to all the Dr. appointments broke up with his girlfriend so he could see his baby be born, and has been an awesome father, and we have been friends through out his life (he is 5) makes things so much easier! In fact 2 yrs ago WE started dating, and have the best friendship and relationship! Now don't get me wrong, this won't happen in every situation, but I think you should try to at least be there for her.
I how this sounds harsh too, but I don't care how drunk you were you stuck your in this girl and created life, so you just want to kill the baby now because it is convient for you? NO, you take care of her and the baby! Besides if you cheated on you girlfriend you "LOVE SO MUCH" you don't know what love is bud, because love doesn't
Do things like that! And if you really do think you love her you should tell her before she hears from someone else and makes things even worse for you!
Good luck!

[oneguyinohio]

Unfortuneately, the person who posted this question has not responded at all since the middle of December. Time to let the thread die.