[jaminmonkey]

hey, I met this girl through some very good friends of mine when we were out partying, the end of the night I went back to her house and just sat on the couch and this was the first time we were actully alone, we just talked for hours about everything and nothing, it was a sureal experience because all though I am a confident person and have no trouble with women I've never felt so at ease, never felt like I didn't have to put a show on for this girl, we ended up talking till about four in the morning, at the end we were kissing a lot and we went upstairs to her room, but nothing happened we were so tired we just crashed out.

the morning was fine didn't feel that awkardness I usually feel when I wake up in a strangers home, which to be fair is usually the case from a night out, and she was at that point, still a stranger, we exchanged phone numbers and after a few hours I did text her to say thank you for putting me up for the night and to say I had a really good time, she replied with pretty much the same.

As is the case for me I was going out that night again to party and I texted her about our mutual friends b'day party and if she was going, unfortunately she doesn't get on well with a girl we knew, I told not to worry and it would be cool if she did come, she replied asking if that meant I wanted to see her again, after about an hour of thinking what to do I replied yes (had bad experiances with a past long term relationship) I went to her place a couple of nights after work and again we talked for hours till the early hours of the morning, this to me is unusual cause I never been able to talk to someone like we did night after night, we shared past experiances with relationships and I completely opened up, we both said it felt like we knew each other for ages, bareing in mind this is about a week together.

now she's got a heavy past, her mother left her loads of times through her child hood to be with men and that is a major issue with her, but I also found out the men her mother was with used to quite possevive and controlling.

we started sleeping together and it was fantastic, the best I have ever had and because I was at ease and comfortable my performance was brilliant, now the trouble all started about a month into the relationship, I was falling pretty hard for her and the same her end, we have this connection its fantastic, but her mother told her she was moving to turkey with this bloke she was with and then bang it all started she grew distant, and was obviously trying to deal with her mother abandoning her again, so I took a back seat and gave her space, she's like me she needs to be alone to sort out her head.

now the other thing I haven't told you is she has a kid, a gorgeous 18month old daughter, now I know what you thinking "Get out now and move on" well I've never had a relationship like this0 that didn't take any effort at all it feels perfect.

well I've got attached to the kid and her, well things came to a head when we split up because she couldn't deal with her issues and a relationship so I told her that I would wait for her but we wouldn't stop living i.e. we could see other people... well this was a gesture, I'm not a possesive person, well about three days into our break up we had a heart to heart and well I couldn't deal with it all it was too much I looked at the kid and started crying because I thought to be honest it was over and I have grown really attached to the kid, I know I shouldn't have but it was so hard not to. Well I got text from her saying sorry and that she'd been an idiot and made a stupid mistake, this was to my horror she'd had a one night stand.

well I couldn't be angry with her because I was the one who said not to stop living, fine well we talked and got back together, we had to go to a clinic so she could have a check up, she didn't want to give me anything she had caught of this guy, well that took about three weeks in total with the tests and treatment, she had caught a std, so I have stuck by her through all of this, by this time we got real close and I fell head over heals before I knew what was happening I'm completely in love with her and her kid, which is the most beutifull little girl with an amazing character.

and guess what last week she went to her dad's for christmas she is due back 2nd jan, but she dumped me the day before she went saying I was to possesive, now I have never told her to do anything, or stood in her way when she wanted to do things seperatly, what ever she wears out I tell her she's gorgeous and to be honest never interfered with the whole father of her child, which he doesn't want to know, she loved him for a long time while she was with him and after, but that screwed her up, she told me she has commitment problems and the fact we clicked straight away has scared her and says she said she can't see a future with me, now I'm a firm beliver you can't see a future until its been a good year or so, but I've given her space again but she keeps texting me and ringing and does things like calling me pet names and the three x's at the end of messges which she only did to me when were together, she doesn't do it to anyone else, so I aked her what this meant and she's still saying she doesn't want to be with me, but it's the whole affectionate stuff she gives to me, she keeps emaling me and talking to me like nothings happened, but she has now said we will talk about it when she gets back and things might be different now this is screwing with my head my friends say leave her and move on but I do love her tremendously and a miss her so much it hurts and the kid which has really made me think of having a family later in my life, I was always against it. She's losing friends over the way she's treated me and I don't want that to happen but I'm at a loss I want her back but I'm scared that its either going to finish for good or were going to get togther only for her to finish with me again. Sorry its so long but any help would be gratefully accepted

[nymphetamine]

You sound like a really cool guy. Um girly girls got some issues to work on. If I were her Id see about some sort of counseling to help her through her commitment problems and help her find out why she has this problem. I understand that you feel so strongly about her but It seems like she is playing games with you. Next time she calls you up with the lovely dovey stuff tell her to stop with the pet names and the 3xs( what is that anyway?) because it is really confusing you. Now you did mention that her moms boyfriends were possesive. Perhaps by saying you are possesive she is reflecting them on to you. She needs to talk to a counselor about that also. I wish you luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

I don't know where to start and for sure will not cover an entire list of serious relationship issues and judgements of caring for each other.

First sleeping or possible sleeping with someone you just meet, both of you, not someone you want to take home to mother on either count.

Relationship based on good sex. Get a life, grow up, that is not where it is at, bringing sex into a relationship too fast is the correct way to destroy any real emotional commitment that is suppose to grow.

Friendship is the key and correct relationship between any couple.

"Keep living" if you want to call no committement, meaningless sex with various people and parties that don't fulfill living, you got it all right.

I am not sure to say that you both deserve each other from what you decrribed. Perhaps it is the fact she was looking for a more secure relatoinshiop, not a controlling one, but one of mutual love and respect.

Sorry to come down on you so bad, but your post is purely a description of everything wrong with a section of today's society.

[CaptainForest]

I agree with crankiebabie.

Sounds like she has issues she needs to sort out.

Oh, Fr Chuck...

your post is purely a description of everything wrong with a section of todays society.

And what would that be?

Sex, drugs and beer not your thing eh?

[MGcali]

Well.. man. I can honestly say that it seems very confusing to have someone by your side that doesn't know what they want.

The best thing you can do is to tell her to think about what she truly wants. If she keeps repeating that she doesn't want to be with you then ask her what is the reason behind all the affection she keeps showing towards you. I can't tell you to move on because you obviously love the girl. But what I can recommend is that you stay by her side as a friend until she figures out her issues. Because the bottom line is that every time that you guys get back together.. she'll keep breaking up with you thinking that it'll solve her problems. Leaving you more hurt than you already are.

[J_9]

4 year old thread CLOSED... please check your dates prior to answering.