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tammy49 · Dec 14, 2007, 08:58 AM

I am 49 yrs old and widowed my new boyfriend is 44 and never married we have been seeing each other for seven months but began talking a little over a year ago one day he says things that leads me to believe he will move me to his state this is a long distance relationship and then the next it is different. I know he is not hiding anything I have met his family he is a friend of my family, I have went on the road with him since he is a trucker. Just how long do I give him to commit to something?

Caralyn · Dec 14, 2007, 10:01 AM

He's afraid of something. Maybe committing would be too much pressure and responsibility for him. Do you have children? He might be concerned about taking on a family. You have to talk things over that is the only way that you will ever discover what it is that is holding him back.

tammy49 · Dec 14, 2007, 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by Caralyn

He's afraid of something. Maybe committing would be too much pressure and responsibility for him. Do you have children? He might be concerned about taking on a family. You have to talk things over that is the only way that you will ever discover what it is that is holding him back.

I have two children who are grown. All of his family really likes me and he says he loves me I just don't know how long to wait I know he was hurt twice before very badly that is why he decided not to marry, but now he is always telling me he loves me I just don't know what to do

Caralyn · Dec 14, 2007, 10:20 AM

I think he might be the type that needs a bit of a push. In the meantime you could work on trying to convince him that this is it for you and that you really would like to settle down with him. This might not sound too nice.... but don't make things too comfortable for him. He might have come to like things the way they are and is happy to go on like this. But if it isn't what you want, if you want more, then start holding back on some of the comforts. :)

talaniman · Dec 14, 2007, 07:58 PM

You want it now, and he isn't ready yet, be patient and find out more about him like how to have honest communications. I say you still don't know each other well enough right now.Sorry you need more time together. 7 months and you want what?? No Way.

ordinaryguy · Dec 14, 2007, 09:17 PM

What's your hurry? Seven months is way too soon to be obsessing about "commitment". He sounds like a very prudent and level-headed fellow to me.

Caralyn · Dec 15, 2007, 02:20 AM

tammy49,

Sorry, but you may have to accept that he isn't the committing type. If you can accept that, you can still have a very nice relationship. But long distance? It's going to be tough. You can't push a guy to take you on and move you to his state after only seven months. It just isn't realistic. Maybe if you back off a little he'll miss you and begin to think seriously about what it would be like to take a few more steps forward.

talaniman · Dec 15, 2007, 08:15 AM

I think you should be getting to know him better and have fun doing it. Your still in the dating stage after all and moving to fast, or putting to high of an expectation on this still new DATING experience will run him off, or end in disaster. Your both old enough to be smarter about rushing into things, and if you are patient, you'll know and he will know, when its time for the next level. Do this right, and have no regrets later.

s_cianci · Dec 15, 2007, 08:30 AM

What exactly is it that you want? I wouldn't push too hard too fast. You and he may have different ideas about what you both want. You'll have to decide whether you're happy with things the way they are. If you aren't then you need to make a decision about what to do. You can decide to continue seeing him on his terms or forget about it and seek out greener pastures.