[dreamguy]

Hey, why are you guys always afraid of false hope or losing face???

VAD, i bet she is waiting for you to make the first move. You are a man, at least show her that you are serious about this, being in half-way is not a great idea. Suggest her about the getting back idea. Do it playfully like " what if we get back together?" Or "last night i dreamt about us holding hands, getting back together"... If she loves that story then there you go! THere is nothing to lose and nothing wrong to know something.

Make the first move like your family :D I'd looking forward to your good news :D YEAH

It's still not safe for him to make the first move. He runs the risk of being set back to square one in the healing process. He cannot afford to risk undoing all the progress he's made. He shouldn't put himself in a position where he's vulnerable to be rejected again.

[lmnotok]

It's still not safe for him to make the first move. He runs the risk of being set back to square one in the healing process. He cannot afford to risk undoing all the progress he's made. He shouldn't put himself in a position where he's vulnerable to be rejected again.

Who said he CANNOT afford to risk undoing all the progress he's made?? THat what YOU assume him to be, not what HE can or cannot do.

[Jiser]

I wouldn't bother. I am not sure who dumped who, but if she ended it then she should be the one making the effort not you. If she's too scared or worried then its her lost not yours. Plenty more people out there in the world, to worry about one.

[VADawg]

It just seems odd to me how whenever I go over there, she flirts with me and makes sure she looks her very best. She goes out of her way to dress her best for me. Why would she care if she didn't want to get back together?

I'm just confused about the whole thing. Maybe going on a date with a new girl will make me feel better (which I'm doing on Sunday).

[dreamguy]

It just seems odd to me how whenever I go over there, she flirts with me and makes sure she looks her very best. She goes out of her way to dress her best for me. Why would she care if she didn't want to get back together?

I'm just confused about the whole thing. Maybe going on a date with a new girl will make me feel better (which I'm doing on Sunday).

My ex flirts with me too. She's gone so far to volunteer information about pain in personal parts of her body & about her menstrual cycle. Seems kind of odd that she would still talk to me about that stuff if she only sees me as a friend at this point. As far as I know she doesn't talk to her other guy friends about that stuff.

If she has a new boyfriend then she should be talking to him about her physical ailments with her private parts. Some of the mixed signals are very strong. I think exes do that sometimes without even being consciously aware that they are leading you on.

Why would she go out of her way to look her best when she sees you? Hmmm. Maybe force of habit on her part. Has she always looked her best when you two were dating?

[VADawg]

My ex flirts with me too. She's gone so far to volunteer information about pain in personal parts of her body & about her menstrual cycle. Seems kind of odd that she would still talk to me about that stuff if she only sees me as a friend at this point. As far as I know she doesn't talk to her other guy friends about that stuff.

If she has a new boyfriend then she should be talking to him about her physical ailments with her private parts. Some of the mixed signals are very strong. I think exes do that sometimes without even being consciously aware that they are leading you on.

Why would she go out of her way to look her best when she sees you? Hmmm. Maybe force of habit on her part. Has she always looked her best when you two were dating?

My ex talks about that kind of stuff with me too. I went over there the other day and she was talking about how she hasn't been able to shower because of an operation she had but not to worry because she washed her vagina. She even talked about how she pleasures herself. It was just odd. She doesn't talk like that to her other guy friends either... and she even said that. She said she can trust me with anything.

Honestly, at first when we were together she cared about what she looked like. As time went on she didn't put as much effort into it because we were used to each other. Now she's putting in the effort again.

[dreamguy]

Well that's a good sign then that she's questioning whether a permanent breakup was the right decision. Sounds like you are playing your cards right. Keep up the good work. Hopefully in time she'll crack.

[VADawg]

I've posted a lot on here about signs my ex gave me and it finally happened last week on Thursday. I'm really happy and hopefully we can work through things this time. I've healed and thought long and hard about this for months. No contact really did work even though I fought with people about it.

But anyway, I want to ask something

Since she's the one who broke up with me and asked me back, should I wait for her to make all the moves like kissing for the first time and all that? We've met up twice since getting back together and we've only hugged and she's kissed me on the cheek. I want to go all the way, but I don't want to rush her into anything.

[MissingHim2Much]

Wow that's great to hear. I don't really have an answer for you though. I'm just 3 weeks into my breakup and I've been doing no contact too. How long were you brokeup? How long did it take for no contact to actually work? If you don't mind me asking.

[piko04]

I got back with an ex... but he's now an ex again. We were broken up for 3 months and he came back... unfortunately we got back into the relationship toooooo fast. 3 months wasn't enough. We were broken up for a reason- NOT because we weren't meant to be- but because our relationship at the time was NOT good and things needed to be changed... I believe that you CAN change things about relationships... every good relationship needs to be worked on. During the 3 months I just dwelled on the fact that I still loved him and wanted him back... I didn't take that time to reflect on what was wrong and what I needed to change about myself and also what needed to be changed in the relationship. He didn't change anything either. So when we got back together we just continued the same relationship... and we broke up 7 months later for the Same reasons. I'm not saying don't get back together or whatever... I still think my ex is the one... but this time around I'm really taking the time to reflect back on the relationship and am fixing what needs to be fixed.. if he and I don't get back together, I will at least be a better girlfriend for the next guy I date. Anyway sorry for the rambling. Just take your time, reflect on why you guys broke up, and figure out what you need to change about yourself and also what she needs to change because you cannot have the same relationship as you did before.. or else it will lead to a breakup again.

[oscaratalegra]

Congratulations, my advice just don t make the same mistakes again. Pray and read the Bible

[VADawg]

Wow thats great to hear. I don't really have an answer for you though. I'm just 3 weeks into my breakup and i've been doing no contact too. How long were you brokeup? How long did it take for no contact to actually work? If you dont mind me asking.

We were broken up for 5 months. She called me about a month and a half in and I felt I was healed enough by then to talk to her. We talked sparingly from there on and we started to hang out as friends again. She started giving me signs like hugging, touching, and all that about a month ago. Then it happened.

Seriously, just stick with no contact though. It gives you time to heal and time for them to think of you. Just don't go into it thinking you'll get your ex back, because that's what I did initially. Eventually I realized that it was for me and me only and getting her back was just a bonus.

I won't make the same mistakes again either. I know what the problem was and that was me not showing my emotions enough. I've already done that more since we've been dating again.

[s_cianci]

Absolutely not! Since she's the one who did the breaking up the first time and subsequently asked you back, you've got to take the bull by the horns and grasp the power in this relationship and don't let go. You make the moves when you're ready ; you see her when it's convenient for you ; if anything she says or does makes you feel uncomfortable, then you back off for a while and date others. You put yourself in the driver's seat and stay there. She handed you the keys when she asked you back so take them and proceed accordingly.

[VADawg]

I'm at a point in my life where things are just so hectic. I'm doing so much crap and sometimes I just want to come home and sleep. Because of this, my phone calls to my girlfriend are usually always short and uninspired. Plus it seems like I have nothing to talk about when I'm like that.

[nicespringgirl]

Completely fine, you don't have to please her and do anything that would make her happy all the time. Love is about given and receiving, not always taking!
She should understand you that you are too tired and it's very normal that we all get tired after long day of work.
If she doesn't understand then that is her problem. Have talked to her, what did she say if you are not calling?
P.S. I am not sure if I want a man calling me everyday, I would think he is a little bit clingy.

[GlindaofOz]

Yes! Definitely. I actually prefer to not be called everyday I find it intrusive in my schedule. However I would let your GF know so that why she doesn't take the change in your behavior to mean that you are planning on breaking up with her

[mckenzie134]

Longrelationships can require a call each day.

[Clough]

Longrelationships can require a call each day.

Only if one of the people is very insecure and has an immature attitude and understanding about and in the relationship, and so needs the reassurances of the other person on a daily basis. People who are mature in their relationships realize the needs and wants of the other person. They know when they need to back off. Spending quality time on the phone or in person with another person is preferred.

[Clough]

Completely fine, you don't have to please her and do anything that would make her happy all the time. Love is about given and receiving, not always taking!
She should understand you that you are too tired and it's very normal that we all get tired after long day of work.
If she doesn't understand then that is her problem. Have talked to her, what did she say if you are not calling?
P.S. I am not sure if I want a man calling me everyday, I would think he is a lil bit clingy.

Excellent comment!

[VADawg]

For the past week or so my girlfriend hasn't called me at all. I've had to do all the calling. I've tried to make plans to do stuff and she's been making up excuses. I really don't know what's going on because I did nothing wrong. Things seemed great the last time we met up. I haven't seen her since Sunday and I kind of miss her, and she is supposedly busy all weekend. Even when I called her earlier today I heard her groan in the background like she didn't even want to talk. We talked about her staying over night at my house on school nights and today she said she was just joking around. It seemed like she was serious back then... but now it's a joke? Yeah...

I've been nothing but good to her. I don't get what her problem is. Sometimes I wonder if she's just keeping the relationship going because we're going to the same school in the Fall and I'm offering to drive her everyday. I don't know why she'd act distant because she's the one that wanted to get back together 2 weeks ago in the first place. I don't know what to do.