[Springfalls]

Well at least now you know what kind of person she turned out to be. There's always time and room for improving yourself. Its never too late. Start now if you wish.

She just hungers for your attention. It doesn't necessarily mean she wants you back.
There are people who keeps taking yet has never thought of giving. Those who take too much will eventually fall real hard on the ground.

Focus on yourself now. Don't let her win. I don't know what's really been happening as I didn't read all your previous threads but I can tell, she's one of those who wants to make sure that her Ex is still craving for her.

Go on a holiday. Come back fresh. Don't run and hide. Do your best and prove to her that she lost the great guy in you. So, shine!
X

[VADawg]

Well at least now you know what kind of person she turned out to be. Theres always time and room for improving yourself. Its never too late. Start now if you wish.

She just hungers for your attention. It doesnt necessarily mean she wants you back.
There are people who keeps taking yet has never thought of giving. Those who take too much will eventually fall real hard on the ground.

Focus on yourself now. Dont let her win. I dont know whats really been happening as I didnt read all your previous threads but I can tell, shes one of those who wants to make sure that her Ex is still craving for her.

Go on a holiday. Come back fresh. Dont run and hide. Do your best and prove to her that she lost the great guy in you. So, shine!
x

I'm definitely trying my best to move on and heal, but whenever I get these "messages" through other people it gives me some false hope that she wants me back. I hate it.

[BobsDaughter]

Oh Dawg... How I feel what you are saying. Here's the deal - ready? The next time one of these "friends" passes any message or update, tell them that they are hurting you. Not her. THEY are doing it. Let them know. Ask them to help you forget that unfortunate time in your life. If they are your friends, they will do as you ask.

[Springfalls]

I'm definitely trying my best to move on and heal, but whenever I get these "messages" through other people it gives me some false hope that she wants me back. I hate it.

Why would you stay on and hear more of the messages?
Leave and excuse yourself politely. I was someone else's backup,too(for the last one year out of 4 years relationship! ), Fresh wound,by the way . I kicked him out of the house and made him pay the 'compensation'. He keeps texting me saying 'Im sorry I just want us to be friends'... eeeerrr OK,stop it already. One of those who is trying way too hard to keep scores and too desperately to win pride. Let it go. If she really wants you back and can't help it anymore then she WILL come straight to you and talk it over. Doing it through 'messengers' does NOT count at all. Stupid game!

Don't wait. Don't keep your hope high. Sometimes we gain by letting go ;)
Just CHANGE your cell number or anything about her that you could get your hands on -
Get rid of it. Time doesn't tick for nothing... (it ticks to change the seasons,places,people and sadly/thankfully,hearts).

Don't dwell on the past - doesn't matter who you'll end up with. A waste of time. It slows everything down and blinds you. Give your heart a break... dont fill it up with pent-up 'what if's. I think I'd better stop before I sound like Im about to write a philosophy book.
YOU WILL MAKE IT!
Xx


PS: I still love my cheating ex with my all my heart,though. He is a great man and it's a
Shame that he can't see that in himself. He just has to ruin everything the whole time.
Oh well,he's happily off with the third party now.

[Jiser]

Take the life experience from this relationship and learn! :] Or it was worth nothing, do not regret the past. Be happy and take every day as it comes - there is no time like the present to do something you really want to do either.

[talaniman]

Ignore those second hand messages, and tell them to mind their own business.

[manimuth]

I'm definitely trying my best to move on and heal, but whenever I get these "messages" through other people it gives me some false hope that she wants me back. I hate it.

So, you are still hoping she wants you back?

You are on the right track: No contact, concentrating on healing and moving on and I commend you.

About those who are interested in "updating" you: Like others have said, ignore them, politely tell them that you don't care, etc.

But, since you cannot control other people and the world we live in, this is a good time to learn to master control over yourself. Especially since you said you see her all the time, you really have to muster your strength and courage to steel yourself against these unwanted reminders. It will be hard, being reminded all the time, so do the best you can, take all the steps that are in your control, and deal with the rest as it comes.

Don't hold onto false hope... including hoping for false hope. Don't regret anything in your life because every mistake or failure is an opportunity for self-awareness and self-growth. Every success is also an opportunity for growth. So, regret nothing. You will be a much stronger and wiser man once you make it through this.

Hold on and ride it through.

[LBP]

Never doubt the value of your experiences, my friend. You may think that you've lost out in terms of grades, whatnot, but these things are ultimately transitory. What you have gained here will stick with you for your entire life. The only thing remaining that you can get from this is to improve yourself immeasurably - to such an extent, and so subtly, that in several months or even a year from now you'll hardly recognize yourself. You'll look into a mirror and think, "Who is that handsom and independent young man?" You'll realize that not only are you happier, you're BETTER, and women will respond to that.

By 'wasting' your time, this girl has given you a wonderful gift. Her mistakes, her flaws in character, have emphasized the positive attributes that you possess and caused a redaction in the negative ones. I'm so happy for you because you have no idea what sort of opportunities this woman has given you. Never hate her for what has happened and, more importantly, do not judge all women based upon her actions. Life, as they say, is what happens when you're making plans. Life just got you, buddy! The nice thing about it is that there's always a tomorrow and things will improve if you let them...

[VADawg]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm feeling better now.

I haven't been thinking of the ex much lately, but I decided to just count the days to see how long it's actually been. To my surprise it's been 45 days since I last talked to her. The last time I did talk to her was during our break up phone call. She's sent me messages through other people but I haven't actually responded or talked to her directly. I just can't believe how quickly the time has flied. I also can't believe that neither of us have broken down and called the other. It's crazy.

I never thought I'd reach this point. I don't need her in my life anymore and I feel great being single. I think if she had stayed with me I'd still be this sorry person who follows her every command and has no time for himself. I've realized that it's not bad being single at all. You have all the time in the world for yourself now. It's awesome.

[4answers]

Firstly when people part and feelings were present, it is natural to want to remain friends.

Think about if for a minute:

If you met someone you liked you would feel friendship towards them.
If the emotional attachment to the person increased you would feel love for them.
If the emotional attachment then decreases you will once again feel friendship for them.

Now NOBODY EVER ENTERS INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH A VIEW OF IT ENDING ! If you knew it would end and the feelings would change or go then you would not enter into it. So when others ask her about it, she may well say she wishes you could be friends. That is what she is telling them. I say that again, that is what she is telling them. Its only what she tells you that you can take into account. Don't analise her interactions with others.

EVERY TIME you fall in love, it feels good.
Every time a relationship ends, the feelings go it hurts.

So the choice to make. Never have a relationship, fall in love because the hurt at the end kills.

Or Accept that any and every relationship you enter into has the potential for you to be hurt. Same for her and every last one of us.

As they say that is life: Listen to the song by garth brooks, standing outside the fire.

Now I don't mean to be harsh with that, but it is reality of our human complex relationships. We all are in the same boat. What you need to do is accept that for what ever reason this relationship/connection with this person did not work. The next one for you might work, might not work. Same for her, Same for me, Same for everyone ! We all search for the one person where our love is mutual and will not die.

Think of relationships like going into a shoe shop. (bear with me). You see a lot of shoes that don't look good to you, but then you see a fantastic pair of shoes, exactly what you have been looking for. Excellent, your over the moon with them, you try them on and they seem to fit perfectly. However when you get home you find that in actual fact they don't fit at all, No matter how much you want them to.

So you take them back and put them back on the shelf and beging looking again for another pair, that you hope will be the pair you have been looking for. Etc etc etc.

(Now always remember that the pair of shoes that are not perfect for you might be perfect for another, then again they might try them on like you and find they are not perfect for them).

This is the same for all of our relationships. So all you can do is accept that you were not compatible and allow her to find another compatible person and you to find one !

That's maturity ! (very hard to reach and understand in the light of painfull emotions).

Good luck. Remember we have all been there and probably will be again. The heartache goes with the chance of love. Can't separate the two.

[Rockabilly1955mama]

I am currently feeling the same way. But what you are doing (the no contact thing) is a good start.
=]

[VADawg]

She left a message while I was at work basically saying it's been awhile and to call her back when I get it. This is her first REAL message since the break up (I've gone NC). Like I've said in other topics, she has sent messages through others but not directly with me. I feel I've healed completely (it's been about 1.5 months since the breakup) and I don't think it would hurt to talk to her. My parents and sisters both said I should. Thoughts?

Once again, I have no feelings for her anymore, and I wouldn't mind being a friend. I'm just not sure what her intentions could be.

[shygrneyzs]

1.5 months is not long enough to have "completely healed" and so I wouuld leave well enough alone and not return the phone call. I think it is too soon to think about being a friend to your ex. It just seems to be too convenient and a spot filler thing. But you have to make up your own mind and decide for yourself. If you call her back, which you probably will, just have your sensors on and be careful not to get wrapped up into something you do not need right now.

[louie1]

If you don't you will always wonder what if!

If you are adament in your mind that you want nothing more than friends then she needs to know, but in the first instance make the call and see how you feel!

[VADawg]

If she does want to get back together then I'm going to make it clear that I really don't want to right now. I really don't have time at the moment myself to get wrapped up again.

What I find interesting about all this is she broke up with me because she had so much going on. Today was the day that she took her ACT test (told me a few months ago this was the date). Kind of odd how she'd call me today of all days. I'm thinking she has everything out of the way so she might want to get back together. Hopefully not.

And I should have said my mom wants me to call. My dad was really angry that she broke up with me and I just told him she called. He said that she's a liar and I should never give her the time of day again. Geese...

[mckenzie134]

This is definitely a hard choice but I think you still like her anddo want to get back with her but I do wonder how long you guys were together for?? / I will tell you now she I definitely calling cause she wants to give it another go there is no dout about that people who dump people call if thy do for he fact thatt they want to give it another go. For exampleyou have to turn the situation around as I always do... If you dumped a girl cause you wernt sure then would you ring her a month later for a chat no you wouldn't I don't think I would. The only reason I would ring was cuse I might bewondering what she is up to and if I am wondering it must mean that she is on my mind and intern here is still feelings there. She definitely wants to try and have another crack with you andthat will be up too you a lot of the timeit depends on the reason for the break up wasit justlove lost or was there someone else. My other ex she left me for another guy and then she rang and wanted me back I had moved on and was no longer interested in me evenn4 yearslater she still will text on some occasions I don't reply I've given her the boot now. And I was happy with my new girlfriend anuntil she dumped me after 31/2 years. That's telling me something I must be doing wrong andhat is relying on the girlfriend too much after a long period oftime. Good luck...

[VADawg]

I called her and it was basically just a friendly phone call. Maybe like 15-20 minutes of us just catching up and bsing like old times. I actually feel better now after talking to her.

She didn't bring up getting back together at all and sounded like she was still really busy. When we ended the conversation she just said to call me sometime and whatnot.

[mckenzie134]

She wants to get back with you by the sound of it she is not going to bring it up because she is scared of your reaction. If she said give me a call sometime that means she is still interested in you and wants to hook back in, I'm not sure ifthats what youwant but she will be sitting at home right now waiting for you to call and the longer you leave it the more keen she is going to be. If you want to get back with her you can invite her over for a movie and if she comes over well you know she wants to be back in cause if she didn't she wouldn't just be coming over to be friends if she wants out she wouldn't want to watch a movie and come over that's for sure.

[VADawg]

She wants to get back with you by the sound of it she is not going to bring it up because she is scared of your reaction. If she said give me a call sometime that means she is still interested in you nd wants to hook back in, im not sure ifthats what youwant but she will be sitting at home right now waiting for you to call and the longer you leave it the more keen she is going to be. If you want to get back with her you can invite her over for a movie and if she comes over well you know she wants to be back in cause if she didnt she wouldnt just be coming over to be friends if she wants out she wouldnt want to watch a movie and come over thats for sure.

Really think so? I really have no interest of getting back together with her but wouldn't mind being friends at this point. But I do think you're right. When she broke up with me she told me she still really likes me and maybe we can get back together in the future. I just don't want to do it again though.

[talaniman]

She wants you to break no contact. Unless you have healed enough to deal with an ex as a friend don't do it.