I am doing NC. What about her?

Romefalls19 · Jan 16, 2008, 06:17 PM

Yep.. I will do great some days and not even think of calling... and then days like today, I'm like one text won't hurt.. but I know, one will turn in 4-5 and then I did NC for no reason

ISneezeFunny · Jan 16, 2008, 08:02 PM

Yep. I'm just chugging along. Went to a coffee shop, came home, ate dinner, went to another coffee shop, went to get some school supplies, went to another coffee shop, went to get groceries, did laundry, and now... back at home. Attempting work. Everyday's going to be somewhat of a struggle.

Romefalls19 · Jan 17, 2008, 06:27 AM

That's the hardest part, knowing that for awhile each day is going to be harder and harder. But now, I'm on day 16 of not looking at her myspace, day 10 of no contact, and day 4 of not looking at her bulletins or status updates. They may seem like small steps, but hey at least they are steps

ISneezeFunny · Jan 17, 2008, 06:37 AM

I guess I should pat myself on the back for certain things... I haven't checked her myspace in a while... 5th week of nc... so yeah, I guess I'm doing OK.

I just have setbacks here and there I guess.

Romefalls19 · Jan 17, 2008, 06:39 AM

Yea, the myspace was really hard at first for me... But now I don't even get the urge to check it. I just see things as ignorance is bliss, I can't get upset if I don't know what's going on in her life

ISneezeFunny · Jan 18, 2008, 04:01 PM

Update:

I saw her today for the first time in roughly... 5 weeks. She looks like she lost weight.

I saw her at the gym that I go to (at school)... so I'm not so sure if I should continue to go there. It's not really an excuse to see her, but it's more that I've made gym buddies and have made it a routine to go there during a certain time... and now that school's started back again, what do you know, my gym time and her work schedule are the same. Fate, you suck.

She didn't see me though... or maybe she did?

She was behind a computer, but I think she recognized my voice. Regardless, her "the new guy that's just a friend" was there as well... and he doesn't work at the gym... so yeah.

Regardless, at first, my heart skipped a beat, but then, I was fine. It was like picking at a scab. It hurt a bit to see her, but I wanted to continue looking at her. Nevertheless, I just left.

I thought I'd be somewhat set back, but I feel just fine. I'm fine during the days... it's the nights that kill me.

Delow84 · Jan 18, 2008, 05:02 PM

Its tough seeing that person out and about. If it was me I would just go to a new gym, weighing a routine against seeing her more often, possible with new guy friend.

Nights are evil lol. I am good during the day. But when it gets dark... I just go downhill. So I feel you

ISneezeFunny · Jan 18, 2008, 05:04 PM

I think what I'll do is... continue to go to the gym, but just not rent out a locker. She works in the equipment room, but if I don't rent out a locker, then I won't have to see her. The days she works the front desk... I'll try to avoid her. Yes. This is what I'll do.

The reason I do this is not to see her, but simply because I feel like I should not change my entire routine just because of her. I'm a bit stubborn that way...

Delow84 · Jan 18, 2008, 05:13 PM

Lol sounds like a plan, I was going to offer up something like that as well but I didn't want to get confusing. I'm a stubborn guy too, keep to your routine, don't let her upset your life. Even if you see her, smile and walk on by. She says something to you just be polite "how ya been? well i gotta go and get started, or get home etc" keep it short. Smile big, work hard, and be patient.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 24, 2008, 07:07 AM

Update:

So it's been a few days... I've been out of commission due to a flu. I haven't been anywhere except the bathroom and my bed. It's a bit sad, really.

I know what a lot of you are thinking, "Sneezy, what happened to all those women that first contacted you when you became newly single?"

Don't worry a thing people... they're still there... sorta. I hang out with them every now and then... but I don't see anything really happening. I'm not so sure.

Weird thing is, my ex's friends and co-workers call to hang out with me... just us. At first, I thought... they're calling to find out things about me... but I did it anyway with much caution. I found out that they could care less about my personal life, as throughout dinner, they talked about their life and wanted to know how my classes and such were going. No personal talk whatsoever. So... I'm a bit confused. I see 3 - 4 of her friends/co-workers on a weekly basis for coffee/dinner/dessert.

Regardless, I'm doing much better as of right now emotionally... it's just that I'm sick... so physically my body's in the crapper. How's my ex doing? No clue. She contacts my best friend here and there, but after he didn't reply to her e-mail/text/phone call, I think she got the point.

Other than that, I recently found out that being single... is pretty good for my bank account. I'm the type of boyfriend that pays for.. EVERYTHING. I just took a look at my bank statement the other day, and this past month, I spent less than half that I normally do. So... I bought some clothes, got a haircut, bought myself some goodies. I know, shopping being therapeutic is a womanly thing... but I don't care. If buying myself a 37" lcd TV is girly... then so be it.

Romefalls19 · Jan 24, 2008, 07:09 AM

Yea, I hear you about the being a boyfriend who pays for everything, and now that I'm single... I actually shopped for clothes, nice ones that 2 of my good girl friends picked out ha ha... I suck at fashion, my ex was my fashion upkeep, but now I have 2 of them.. Still a little unsure of what to do with my situation.. I am keeping ansy and want to text her just to say hey, what's up.. but I know its wrong

ihatewestseneca · Jan 24, 2008, 07:13 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

update:

so it's been a few days...I've been out of commission due to a flu. I haven't been anywhere except the bathroom and my bed. It's a bit sad, really.

I know what a lot of you are thinking, "Sneezy, what happened to all those women that first contacted you when you became newly single?"

Don't worry a thing people...they're still there...sorta. I hang out with them every now and then...but I don't see anything really happening. I'm not so sure.

Weird thing is, my ex's friends and co-workers call to hang out with me...just us. At first, I thought...they're calling to find out things about me...but I did it anyway with much caution. I found out that they could care less about my personal life, as throughout dinner, they talked about their life and wanted to know how my classes and such were going. No personal talk whatsoever. So...I'm a bit confused. I see 3 - 4 of her friends/co-workers on a weekly basis for coffee/dinner/dessert.

Regardless, I'm doing much better as of right now emotionally...it's just that I'm sick...so physically my body's in the crapper. How's my ex doing? No clue. She contacts my best friend here and there, but after he didn't reply to her e-mail/text/phone call, I think she got the point.

Other than that, I recently found out that being single...is pretty good for my bank account. I'm the type of boyfriend that pays for..EVERYTHING. I just took a look at my bank statement the other day, and this past month, I spent less than half that I normally do. So...I bought some clothes, got a haircut, bought myself some goodies. I know, shopping being therapeutic is a womanly thing...but I don't care. If buying myself a 37" lcd tv is girly...then so be it.

Yeah, I'm hoping they pass that cool tax thing where everyone gets 800 dollars or something... that's going straight to a new TV... Ballin

ISneezeFunny · Jan 24, 2008, 08:21 PM

So.

Minor setback. Talked to a friend of mine... where I found out two things: my ex and the new guy are really actually just friends... however, they're going on a trip together with another couple... and they're sharing a room together.

When I first heard about it, I almost threw up at the thought of it. 10 minutes later, I realized... so what? Granted, if I continue to think about it, I'll probably vomit, however, I'm not going to. I'll be fine.

I realized that I was so consummated by the whole "gotta keep myself busy" idea that I didn't take a step back and thought about what I might have done wrong in the relationship. I was dubbed "the perfect boyfriend" or "the best boyfriend ever" by her, her family, her friends, her co-workers, my friends, etc. But... obviously, something was off.

So I thought. I went back and took a look at the e-mail my ex sent me with reasons we broke up... and here goes:

1. I get jealous.

2. I held her back from some things she wanted to do.

3. We were too dependent on one another.

So I will work on these, along with my own personal goals.

1. As far as jealousy goes, I am USUALLY not jealous until I have this gut feeling that I need to feel jealous... and I trust my gut instinct... all the time. It's never failed me. I was jealous about this one guy... and lo and behold, he became "the new guy" So why wouldn't I trust my gut feeling? Regardless, I will try to NOT jump to conclusions in the future (for my next relationship)

2. I held her back. I scoffed at this... but it's true. I did hold her back... from her friends. The reason being... is because I hated her friends. They were a bit... high school-ish. All they cared about was getting wasted and gossipping... and I wasn't into that. I hate the club scene. My idea of having fun is... watching a movie, going out to dinner, going to a show. I just really don't like getting wasted or going to a club. Just don't. Not only that, her friends... are quite annoying. So every time she wanted to hang out with them, I said it was fine... I just wasn't going to go. Also, she wanted to go on a trip with them... so I told her that it was fine... I just didn't want to go. She's now going on the trip with "the new guy" So... that's what I held her back from. Her friends + the trip.

3. We were too dependent. I'll give her that... sorta. I'm a really independent person who doesn't like to depend on ANYONE for ANYTHING. I don't even like group projects in class or at work... I'm quite resourceful and I can usually get anything done on my own. However, I did depend on her for happiness and just that... "feel goodness" Ne-Yo said it all... "I'm a movement by myself...but I'm a force when we're together"

So there. I gave this relationship my all. And... I guess I shouldn't have. Usually, you're supposed to pick up the pieces that you had and move on... just this time, I have barely any pieces left. Regardless, I'm doing fine.

As far as my sickness, I'm doing MUCH better. Hope everyone's doing great.

ihatewestseneca · Jan 24, 2008, 08:38 PM

Yeah, upon reviewing my performance... I guess you really aren't supposed to give it your all, but then I think, how can that be? I loved her so much. But yeah, I guess I made it all about her... even if she was needy, she's told me when we were together that she wants to be with me all the time, and she would get upset if I wanted to hang out with friends or whatever. So yeah, she's way too immature for what I brought to the table.

Anyway, Sneeze... I would try not to think about it, she's using that guy to make her not think about you. (just like my ex apparently) You said before that he was a tool, and I think most rebound guys are tools, the kind of guys where they say they'll do anything the girl wants after a month. This is probably just an "off" day for you. I know my day was... couldn't get my mind off her, but tomorrow will be better. And I'm glad to hear you're feeling better.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 24, 2008, 08:44 PM

God bless you seneca for reading all that mess. I didn't expect anyone to.

Well, It's not much of an off day... or maybe it is, and I'm just that much better that it's not too bad. I don't know much about the new guy. Just what I heard from her friends, my friends, and some people in my class that know him. In their words, he is "sketchy and has cheated at least 3 times on his girlfriends"

So. Yeah.

talaniman · Jan 24, 2008, 09:34 PM

I guess you really aren't supposed to give it your all,

For all the potential pain, and misery, we may have to go through, I believe that you have to give as much as you got, to make a relationship work. If not, why bother. We can still keep things in perspective, and be healthy, and balanced, but if its not worth the risk, it ain't worth the effort. The biggest regret you can ever have, is not giving it your best shot. That sucks as much as being dumped.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 24, 2008, 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The biggest regret you can ever have, is not giving it your best shot.

I'll give you that. I know that if I didn't give it my all... then I wouldn't be able to look back on it and think, "Damn...I did a good job. it's her loss"

ISneezeFunny · Jan 24, 2008, 11:52 PM

So. I can't sleep. It's a problem. I have to wake up at 7am for class. It could be because I found out that my ex will be sharing a bed with the new guy on her trip. It could also be the fact that I went online (student network) only to find who? That's right... my ex. And who else? New guy... on at the same time (shows you how long you've been on).

One side (her... and what she's telling other people) tells me that they're just friends. While other things (evidence... the way they act together) tells me that they're more than friends. Regardless, I am to get over it whichever way it is and act like it doesn't bother me... but it does. Drat.

wot2do · Jan 25, 2008, 02:22 AM

I don't know if this helps but I share a bed with this girl friend of mine when I stay at hers or sometimes we go away together - nothing happens - we been friends for 8yrs or so now though. Sometimes they just like company and get lonely - doesn't mean funny business going on - although to be honest I 've always wanted to sleep with her... Umm my point is no matter his intentions she can still be telling the truth.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 25, 2008, 05:35 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

So.

Minor setback. Talked to a friend of mine...where I found out two things: my ex and the new guy are really actually just friends...however, they're going on a trip together with another couple...and they're sharing a room together.

You were doing good, and it's just a little setback, you will be OK though :)

This is what I would suggest, do not have your friends tell you anything about her. Cause you didn't need to hear that crap. Remember ignorance is bliss. :)