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momincali · Oct 15, 2005, 09:24 PM

If there was an emoticon that displayed someone bowing down doing an "all hail" kind of thing, I'd send it to you. That's awesome. Very happy for you!! You are going to be just fine my man. I'm so proud I could pinch you! :D :D :D

jeffatl · Oct 15, 2005, 11:59 PM

LOL, HERE IS ONE FOR YA!!

momincali · Oct 16, 2005, 11:43 AM

Love it!! :D :D :D

Wildcat21 · Oct 16, 2005, 04:28 PM

Also - makesure to LEAD. Make decisions and stick with them. Again. Learn to say no.

Woman like mean who lead and make deciisons. This also means MAKE plans - you make the plans - if a woman likes you she will lfollow and do what ever even if it's grocery shopping - tspend time with you.

Never ask her to make the plans - especiall yearly on. None of the old "what do you want to do?" crap. "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

jeffatl · Oct 16, 2005, 05:50 PM

What exactly do you mean by "lead"? Do you mean like, take control of the situation? I guesss that is what I take for your post above. Don't let HER decide when we see each other, make sure I make the plans right?

jeffatl · Oct 16, 2005, 07:46 PM

Ok now what? I dropped off some stuff that I got her for her birthday (I made sure NOT to see her). Nothing big, just a cd, a picture frame with a picture of "our" dog in it with her paw print, and a card (not mushy at all). She called me and I didn't pick up, but she said thanks for the stuff and the picture frame "was the best present anyone has ever given her". She told me to call her back when I got the message and ended it with "I miss you". Now what do I do? I Don't want to keep getting played with and I want her to KNOW I mean business. To call or not to call, that, is the question! LOL, I am a MESS huh!

Wildcat21 · Oct 16, 2005, 07:47 PM

Generally yes. Just don't follow woman around like sick puppy. Have an opinion. Don't agree with everything she says - have spine - say no.

Make plans, woman seem to get very annoyed if she always has to make the plans and decide where to go and what to do.

You see this guys where they follow the gal around she makes all the decisions. Wuss.

Wildcat21 · Oct 16, 2005, 07:50 PM

I don't know dude. I wouldn't call her for a couple days - I mean your busy, your broken up .Don't be always available to her now.

A Wuss would call her right back.

I STILL HATE the fact she created on you TWICE and you're still with her. Yuck.

jeffatl · Oct 16, 2005, 07:51 PM

Got you! No more "wuss" for me, that's why I wasn't sure if I should call or not. I want to put my foot DOWN with her.

jeffatl · Oct 16, 2005, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I don't know dude. I wouldn't call her for a couple days - I mean your busy, your broken up .Don't be always available to her now.

A Wuss would call her right back.

I STILL HATE the fact she created on you TWICE and you're still with her. Yuck.

Damn, I wish I would have read that FIRST. I called, but no answer, I did NOT leave a message. LOL, this is getting out of hand... :rolleyes:

Wildcat21 · Oct 16, 2005, 08:03 PM

You need to get your power back from her. She held ALL the cards.

Again, woman are part of your life - not your life. Heart ache happens when you put her ahead of you. Woman you want a romatic should at most be an equal with you - but they must earn that right. It's not being rude, it's just that when you put too much importance in a woman - it puts pressure on her as well.

When you put too much inportance on a woman you become a Wuss. When are important, but so other things in life - work, school, friends, family, hobbies, working out etc.

I ams your your gal is just as bummed out because you've been kind of a Wuss - she doesn't want that either.

Wildcat21 · Oct 16, 2005, 08:07 PM

"Damn, I wish I would have read that FIRST. I called, but no answer, I did NOT leave a message. LOL, this is getting out of hand........... "

Too bad for you. That sucks if she has caller ID. MAJOR Wuss behavior. Yuck.

People want what the ycan't have. She has you. You coming running like a love sick puppy every time she calls. No mystery, no challenge. That's why she cheated on you. She doesn't respect you and takes you for granted. You come running every time she says jump. Yuck.

jeffatl · Oct 16, 2005, 08:19 PM

She just called me back and we talked for a bit about her trip and all. I didn't say squat about us, and ended the conversation telling her "I have to go study now". I am getting over all this BS pretty quick, trust me.

Wildcat21 · Oct 16, 2005, 09:00 PM

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

You don't get it. You shouldn't have answered. You're too available to her.

People want what they can't have. You answer the phone all the time like her lap dog. YOU don't always have to talk with her. You keep blowing it. You don't always have to be there for her. She cheats on you (I am SAURe sher did while she was away) because you always come running back. Yuck.

You're still a door mat.

jeffatl · Oct 16, 2005, 10:39 PM

Damn it, you're right. I think the thing that I have realized over the past few days is I am too unsecure with myself NOT to have a girlfriend, and that is a BAD thing. I think the thing I need to realize is, I don't NEED someone, I should WANT someone. I have had a girlfriend (not the same one) since 9th grade, and I NEVER really take time in between. I have NEVER gone out to find a girl, they always just seem to find me. I think that this break up will be good for me in a lot of ways. I think this is going to show me that I don't NEED someone, and I should leave it up to ME to make ME happy, not someone else. I don't know exactly what it is, but I know that this is going to really boost my confidence (if I don't go running back into a bad situation). I need to show myself, not her that I am a strong person that can do things on my own. I want you to know that I have NEVER been a lapdog for this women until she broke up with me. I have broken up with her a few times but we always came back to each other. This is the first time that she broke up with me. I let this break up be the death of me, but the good thing is, a new me is coming out. I think even though I keep doing "the wrong things" it is good for me to learn from all of this crap so I teach MYSELF what to do. I don't think that there is any piece of advice that I can really use. I keep coming on here looking for validation in MY choices and MY actions, and that's not right (of me). I really appreciate all of the support, but I think that I need to see things for what they are, and not what I want them to be. The only things I have learned is, I am who needs to make me happy, and I can't let myself be happy ONLY when I am with someone else. I think in a lot of ways that is why she broke up with me. When we broke up she said she still loves me, and she is still in love with me. She said that she needs to make herself happy and find herself, and after all that if we think we another try, we will. I thought that this was a BIG excuse and started looking for "answers" to why she really broke up with me. People make mistakes, I made them too. But I think that this break up will be good for us at the end, not nessisarily as us as a couple, but us as individuals. I need to be a man here and not question everything I am doing, and just do it! (TM Nike). I know that things will not get easier for a while, but I think this will be good for me.

Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 08:56 AM

I am who needs to make me happy, and I can't let myself be happy ONLY when I am with someone else.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!
I think in a lot of ways that is why she broke up with me. When we broke up she said she still loves me, and she is still in love with me. She said that she needs to make herself happy and find herself, and after all that if we think we another try, we will. I thought that this was a BIG excuse and started looking for "answers" to why she really broke up with me.
DID YOU CHECK OUT THE PROS AND CONS YOU HAD??
People make mistakes YUP, YUP, YUP!
, I made them too. But I think that this break up will be good for us at the end, not nessisarily as us as a couple, but us as individuals.
I need to be a man here and not question everything I am doing, and just do it! AS LONG AS YOU RESPECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS..
(TM Nike). I know that things will not get easier for a while, but I think this will be good for me.

You see, it's takes two to have a relationship, but only if you can stand yourself first. If we can get up in the morning and look positive at ourselves in the mirror, then it will make the rest of the day a whole lot better. What I did when young was to keep a ledger, not a diary, of things I did on certain occasions. After a few years, I reviewed them, and really had a good laugh at some of the stupid actions. This also showed me that I did grow up (a lot) and helps me understand the mistakes others around me make. It helped me to not be too judgemental now and in the future (I hope). Although Wildcat does make it hard sometimes, but that also helps my blood pressure :p . Now back to you, keep us posted and Good Luck.

Wildcat21 · Oct 17, 2005, 09:43 AM

I deal in tough love because genrally I help people in relationship crisis. They need to change NOW! The ones who get hurt are the ones that made all the massive mistakes. They are the ones who surrender profess unconditinal love and push their lover away.

momincali · Oct 17, 2005, 10:38 AM

Jeff, take a deep breath. Now exhale, that's the important part. Without the exhale, you can't take your next breath. I think WildCat may NOT be completely right on this one, you didn't look like a wuss! It's okay that you had a brief phone conversation with her. You chose to call, you lead the conversation and you ended it when you were ready. To me that sounds like a man in in the driver's seat, not a man who is playing games or hiding behind his fears, instead, you were friendly, polite and composed. That took guts and maturity. Yes, your ex does seem like the kind of girl that when given an inch takes a mile. And you've heard the saying "if you can't convince em, confuse em.." she might have thrown in that little I miss you at the end of her phone message to do just that. One minute she's purring like a kitten and making you feel needed and wanted and the next she needs her "space" and "time" away from you and she's trying to get it by hurting you. Relationships, dates, all that stuff is supposed to make you feel good. When you reach the point that you feel that you need to wear a coat of armor and carry an AK47 just to get through the day with someone, then it's time to leave. I don't think it's a good idea to be friends with your ex, especially when you are trying to piece your life back together, but that's not to say you can't be polite, you know, if you see her, wave hello, if she calls you once a month, be yourself and hang up when you're ready to do it. When and if you decide to have "the talk" with her there's no need to be cold just to come off like commander in chief. Be polite, keep your emotions in check and if she goes off on you, don't return fire, just walk away smellin like a rose while she looks like a knucklehead. Power games don't work, you both lose. Not giving in, taking the lead, all that is okay to a point, but not if it's going to make you look like a control freak. If you have to behave so aggresively with this girl just to keep the upper hand and not give her any control, then why bother spending ANY time with her at all. When you do meet another girl who has really caught your attention (and believe me she's out there waiting for you), you'll see that 1. She's not your ex, so don't treat her like it and 2. You won't have to be in constant control because you'll learn that relationships worth having are a partnership, not a dictatorship. If all else fails, act your age, not your shoe size... :)

Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I deal in tough love because genrally I help people in relationship crisis. They need to change NOW! The ones who get hurt are the ones that made all the massive mistakes. They are the ones who surrender profess unconditinal love and push their lover away.

Hi Wildcat..
I love potatoes, helping people when I can, good music and some men but not unconditionally, therefore I'm human. The only unconditional love I have is for my child, that's the animal and mother in me, which is the only issue I will not surrender anything for. You forget one crucial thing, without experience in love, hate, hurt, and joy, one does not get a balanced outlook on life, no matter how much advice one gets.

Wildcat21 · Oct 17, 2005, 11:25 AM

I fully agree - but heartache is avoidable. Most men and a certain % of women do not understand how it works.

The only unconditional love you can give is to your kids.

You do that to you partner and for some reason they tend to abuse and use you and leave.

A lot of people who come here and other sites are desperate and needy. Bad for business.