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J_9 · Jan 2, 2008, 08:53 AM

If the doctor blows it off... find another doctor. Plain maybe, simple... not always... Necessary, yes.

While I have no experience with children like yours, and I am sorry you are having such a terrible time, I will give you an example of why finding another doctor, one who will listen to you as a mother, is so important.

A friend of mine has a daughter with ADHD, she was put on a new medication, actually the medication is an old one that was used for high blood pressure, but is now being used for ADHD. Well, Sara (9), the daughter, started taking the meds... she became tired weak and lethargic. She began sleeping 12 hours a day and that gradually increased to 23 hours a day. Yes, she was only awake one hour a day. Her beautiful auburn hair began to turn gray.

The doctors tested her for anemia, then mono... eventually they began testing for leukemia. The mother stated all along that she thought it was the medication, but her ideas were refuted by the doctors as this medication carries very little if any side effects.

This went on for almost 8 months. Mother eventually did her own research via myself and the internet. She found another doctor at a local children's hospital, took the info that she had collected on the medication and Sara was immediately taken off the med as her blood levels showed that she was near death. Within 24 hours Sara was a healthy vibrant child of 9, acting like every other 9 year old girl and fighting to go to bed, when it was just days before she fought to stay awake.

As a mother you do have the best instincts and you should find a doctor who will listen to your instincts.

I don't know if you have contacted your local chapter of NAMI, but they may be able to help you find someone who is right for you and your son.

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness-The Nation's Voice on Mental Illness-Formerly National Alliance for the Mentally Ill

Foxy459459 · Jan 2, 2008, 10:22 AM

Good luck to you, my prays are with you and your family. Just please don't ever give up on your son.

amberstar · Jan 3, 2008, 06:02 AM

Hey Guys, I Had A Short Meeting With Kc's Mst Counselor Yesterday I Gave Her The Info On Rad And She Was Stunned To See Kc Looking Back At Her From These Pages. She Agrees With Me That He Needs Further Evaluation And More Extensive. She Is Going To Help Me Set That Up. Thank You All For Your Support, And Lolwe Already Switched Dr's Because Last One Was A Pill Pusher. Maybe This Dr Will Listen But I Have A Strong Feeling He Won't. On A Brighter Side Kc Started Back To School Yesterday Had A Really Good Day Mostly High Marks On His Point Sheet. I Know It's The Honeymoon Phase But I Am Going To Enjoy It As Long As I Can. Take Care All

startover22 · Jan 3, 2008, 09:47 AM

Grrreat Amber, really I hope you, KC, and the doctors get down to the bottom of this. Enjoy the great behavior, and lots a hugs to you and your family!

Foxy459459 · Jan 3, 2008, 10:18 AM

Im so happy for you all, good luck to you and please keep us posted. Im sure that something good will come out of all of this. Things will get better, and there is light at the end of the tunnel...

grammadidi · Jan 6, 2008, 09:41 PM

Amber, I am glad to hear that you are getting some support from KC's counselor. I hope that you will not satisfy for anything less than a referral to an Attachment Therapist... someone who has specific experience and knowledge with attachment disorders. I cannot stress this enough.

Please keep us posted. If you need any support or information from me on RAD or Attachment issues, I will be around. Please read the book I recommended. It's very inexpensive and will give you lots of very easy things to work on until you get what KC needs if he does suffer from an AD. You might be able to buy it second hand, too.

I think you are a real good mom, Amber. It's great that you are willing to learn and consider things out of the norm and it feels like you really have a good understanding of kids with emotional problems.

Hugs, Didi

amberstar · Jan 18, 2008, 06:05 AM

Hi guys, here we go again, his behaviors at home are not so bad, just back talking a bit. But as of Tuesday he has been suspended from school, because he didn't like what as for lunch he decided to terrorize the school again, I have no idea as to how to handle this anymore. We have tried extra chores we have tried talking(HA) spanking isn't an option anymore because he fights too much and I wind up getting hurt in the process... litterally this will hurt me more than you). For the next couple of days he WILL be missing lunch food seems to be the only thing he responds to anymore. There are no more toys to take away. Advice on this one would be ever so appreciated and needed. He is at home until Friday. Lord give me strength! :|... oh and the dr said RAD is possible he has actually studied in that field but he also says that there is adhd and bipolar and the RAD may be underlying somewhere. He didn't seem like he was wanting to investigate further.

startover22 · Jan 18, 2008, 09:11 AM

Amber, sorry sweet heart. I am feeling for you and him right now. I know its hard for you, and I could only imagine how confusing and upset he is for doing all of these things.
Have you thought about grammadidi's thoughts on attatchment therapist? I wonder if it may be time to switch gears all together and start over...
Jesse will have nothing to do with the state, he has been let down way too many tinmes to be able to trust that they do any good. So, maybe you just need to take another aproach... a different type of doctor and see how that goes. That is what we are doing, we are taking him to someone who will listen to him and not just sit and test him as being just another foster kid. Anyway, my heart is going out to you and the family. Much love and lots a hugs sweet!

grammadidi · Jan 19, 2008, 10:44 PM

Amber, please... try to get the book "When Love is Not Enough" by Nancy Thomas. It is VERY short, incredibly insightful and will help you to understand what works and what doesn't work as well as why this is so. These kids need different kinds of responses to situations. Talking, doing extra chores, even spanking will FEED into this disorder and potentially put you in more danger. It is available at Amazon (click here), and I am sure your local bookstore would order it in. You will see that the techniques used in the book are also extremely successful for children with Attachment Disorder, ADD, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder and even Tourette's Syndrome. For less than $20.00 I feel it will change your life.

I believe I said before that it is very common for these kids to get lost in different diagnosis; the most common ones are ADHD and Bipolar. RAD is complex, and the older your son gets, the less likely you are to be able to help him. I cannot stress this enough... please listen: you NEED to find an attachment therapist or one who is VERY familiar with attachment disorders ASAP! The chances of you helping your son decrease as he gets older. Your boy is right on the edge. It will not be impossible to help him, but the success rate is very low in teens. I tell you this NOT to scare or discourage you, but so that you understand how very important it is to get him the proper treatment NOW.

I would suggest that you call your doctor and tell him that you want a referral to an Attachment Therapist as soon as possible for an assessment. Stress that you do not want just anyone, but someone who is very familiar with RAD and other Attachment Disorders. I'm glad your doctor claims to be familiar with RAD, but it doesn't really sound like he KNOWS much about it. Sorry, but that's the way I feel based upon first-hand experience. Many people who were involved with my daughter claimed to know what RAD was and how to treat it. They didn't. Push for what your son is entitled to - quality treatment. Also, remember - and don't be afraid to prod the doctor with this - IF your son has RAD his siblings AND you are in danger. This danger increases as your son gets older, and even more-so if he is also bipolar. Here is a good page from an excellent site about Finding an Attachment Therapist. You could even print it and give it to your doctor as well as your son's therapist. Ask your son's therapist to help you find someone, too! The man that created this site literally saved my life.

It is my thought that your son probably intended to be suspended because he wanted to be at home with you. If you feel that fits, then I can help you find some documentation to take to the school. If someone from Student Services (or whatever you have there) is willing to read it and speak with the teachers involved with your son, they will be more aware of the situation and will find more suitable ways to deal with these types of situations that will be in his best interests. Every time he acts out at school and 'wins' by being suspended – he actually loses. Oh, there is soooo much I could tell you about all of this! J

If you have anything that you need help or information with in this regard, please ask!

Hugs, Didi

startover22 · Feb 6, 2008, 03:40 PM

Hey Amber, you have been running through my thoughts, and I would love to hear how you are and how the family is doing! Hope to hear from you soon sweet! Hugs!

crazy-mambo · Feb 8, 2008, 10:17 PM

I don't know if you've heard this before and sorry if I'm repeating something someone has told you a million times already
But his diet may have something to do with his behaviour
As in how much sugar he takes in, his body might be on overload because he can't handle as much as other people
So maybe steer clear of lollies, cordial, sweet things and give him fresh fruit, veges and a balanced diet

Good luck and I'm sure if you stick by him like you have been you'll pull through

grammadidi · Feb 13, 2008, 01:23 AM

Originally Posted by crazy-mambo

i dont know if you've heard this before and sorry if im repeating something someone has told you a million times already
but his diet may have something to do with his behaviour
as in how much sugar he takes in, his body might be on overload because he can't handle as much as other people
so maybe steer clear of lollies, cordial, sweet things and give him fresh fruit, veges and a balanced diet

good luck and im sure if you stick by him like you have been you'll pull through

I'm sorry, but I think your answer is a bit 'off'. I am a huge proponent of altering diet to alter behaviour - specifically the Feingold Diet. However, I don't think that diet creates the issues seen here. This young lad has sexually abused a sibling, is violent and abusive to adults and talks of self-harm. In addition, the behaviours began when he was quite young. This is much more complicated than a diet issue, however, taking him off food colouring and food additives would be a great start.

Hugs, Didi

Rudycat · Feb 15, 2008, 12:57 PM

When my nephew was around 9 years of age, he became ill with some sort of neurological disorder -- symptoms similar to ADHD and Tourettes Syndrome. My sister and her husband immediately sought medical attention, and he was seen by several top psychiatric specialists, who put him on a myriad of strong drugs (I'm sorry, I can't remember what they were now). Soon, his symptoms worsened. This otherwise sweet little boy soon became violent, started running away from home (sometimes in the middle of winter without shoes). His behaviour became increasing more bizarre, perplexing and scarey. This went on for about a year. The doctors were unable to adequately diagnose what was wrong with him. After what seemed like an enternity, my sister made a decision to ween him off all medication completely, without the doctors approval. She later learned that she could have been arrested and jailed for taking her son off his prescriptions without the doctor's approval. At any rate, after several weeks without all of the medication in his system, his behaviour started to turn around. Gradually, all symptoms subsided, and he turned back into the sweet boy she loved and knew before the initial onset of whatever it was that was wrong with him in the first place. All prior symptoms disappeared.

We, the family, believe that he may have had some sort of transient neurological issue, which became exaserbated by the use of heavy duty anit-psychotic drugs that he was prescribed. Probably, if left alone, his initial, pre-medication symptoms would have resolved on their own. The medications probably made his symptoms worse, instead of better. The brain is a highly complex organ. I believe that doctors are over-prescribing drugs, particularly to young, growing brains. This is our family story. I hope something in it may help you.

Good luck to you and your familyl. God Bless.

amberstar · Mar 18, 2008, 03:27 PM

Hey guys sorry been out of the loop for a while. Update... KC still aggitated at school, we recently moved and the school he was going to refused to let hi finish the yr due to his behaviors. So I am thinking this is a good thing new surroundings new people Kc has a clean slate. Boy was I wrong worse than ever here at this school. I started working and have had to leave my job 4 times because of his behaviors. We held a meeting last Friday... one part of the meeting members I guess you could call them agreed KC should be in a regular class w/out the title... 6 months ago I would have agreed. I do not feel he will be successful in these classes. He gets out of control when someone asks him to do something he does not want to do and feels that is his best option for getting out of it. This has become such an issue w/ the new school. They have made a seclusion room just for him, instead of calling me out to the school all the time they will put him in there until he is calm and 10-15 minutes after he calms down... unless it takes them longer to get him there due to him refusing or fighting. In that instance he will be in there after he calms down for as long as it took them to get him in there. Thank you all for your continued support and advice.

startover22 · Mar 18, 2008, 03:51 PM

Amber, I wonder about you all the time! Thanks for coming back to let us know, so what is your next step going to be and have you gotten a bath tub or a latte lately? Have you done anything to let yourself unwind a little to let some of the stress go. This is not only about your son, but there are many more people that have to deal with this, other kids, his dad, grand parents and friends and other family. I wonder if there is just a step above that you can take. I really don't know what that may be, but I am willing to help you out in any way possible to get at least a little back on track. :)
I do know though that there were a few pieces of advice while you were gone and I wonder if you have thought about any of them...