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AngelEyes2885 · Dec 9, 2007, 01:38 PM

I feel like a moron for talking about this.. but here we go. I am 4 1/2 months pregnant. I am starting to gain weight and I am not too happy with how I am looking. My fiancé who I have been with for about 4 years now keeps looking at porn.. I know guys look at porn so I don't need the lecture about it. But it is making me feel horrid about the way I look, not that I look like any of those girls to begin with but I mean I am going to be getting very pregnant here soon and I don't want him to think I am disgusting. I will come up from the kitchen after I put dinner in the oven and its like he just waits for me to go downstairs so he can grab the computer and run into the bathroom with it. When he comes back out he makes it a point to have football or something on the computer, but I am not stupid. I know why he has just recently begun to go into the bathroom with the laptop.. c'mon. I just don't know what to do or think and I am feeling sad and very un-sexy! Any help would be great.:(

Kevin_s · Dec 9, 2007, 01:44 PM

2 things.

1. Since you're pregnant, you're not having sex, there's that physical need he may have.

2. Being pregnant is a beautiful thing, You have a child with this man, and if he's not leaving and literally saying anything about you or treating you in such a way to make you feel that way, it may just be your hormones chiming in.

Congratulations on the baby and best of luck!

Kevin

shygrneyzs · Dec 9, 2007, 01:50 PM

First thing, you are not ugly. A pregnant woman feels fat because the life inside her is growing and her body is changing. That cannot be helped - no way else to do this naturally. I often think a pregnant woman is a beautiful woman - she is carrying life - no man can do that, can they? It is a shame that your fiancé is looking at porn - did he do that before your pregnancy? Does he say mean or hurtful things to you? Does he make snide remarks about the weight gain? What did he think would happen to your body, once you became pregnant? It is just too darn bad that some men cannot be pregnant just once in their lives. Their attitude would change.

You will just have to sit him down and talk to him. Tell him how unappreciated his actions make you feel. Talk it out. Don't hold your feeling in. Ask him what justification he gives for viewing porn. Porn, to me, is the fantasy. How many women can ever live up to that? How many men ever realize that (I know some do and I am not digging at all men, just some).

stonewilder · Dec 9, 2007, 01:56 PM

Those hormones will get you every time! Men are not always very receptive to our feelings so you need to tell him how you feel. You said he waits for you to go down stairs before he grabs the computer and off to the bathroom. Maybe it's not so much that he is being sneaky as it is he see you gets all worked up and knows you're going to say not now, so...
I'm sure he thinks you are beautiful, he's just honey!

leti1980 · Dec 9, 2007, 02:37 PM

Ahh I know how you are feeling I was tiny before I was pregnant 7stone and was 14 stone just before I had her. I felt horrible but my boyfriend always said he loved the way I looked because I was having his child. I am sure that your partner is the same, and I am sure you look lovely.
Good luck leti

leti1980 · Dec 9, 2007, 03:07 PM

Ha ha it sounds loads to me. I doubled my body weight ha ha. But I have lost 5 stone now.
And angel eyes you will be fine.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 9, 2007, 03:16 PM

First great news on the new baby, I know you must be excited, and being pregnant and gaining a little weight is just normal part of having a baby, and the father of the child should love the experience. On the porm perhaps a little lecture since most guys don't look at it, and of those that do some just a little, a lot of porn is not a normal thing for a man, unless it is part of the sexual relationship he has, since there are many relationships that are not main stream. And if he is ashamed of looking at, it, then he should be ashamed, and if he is using it as a masturbation tool, it is even worst, since he still has a partner there with him.

It sounds like he is having issues, beyond the porn that has more to do perhaps with being a father, sounds like time for some deep talks about your relationship with him now and in the future

talaniman · Dec 10, 2007, 10:13 AM

Don't let your mind play tricks, you are not alone. I think all pregnant females go through this, and it's a passing thing. Give your guy a break, he has his needs too. It will be okay, just take care of yourself, and the life you are bring into this world. You are a QUEEN.

cerisa · Dec 10, 2007, 12:18 PM

Some men get even more excited about your beautiful pregnant body. It is beautiful, and you may feel sexier as you progress. Have you seen the Christina Aguilera cover on magazines this month? She is definitely pregnant, beautiful and proud of her body, hope you do the same. As for your boyfriend, tell him to stop fantasizing, you are right there. Sex is wonderful all through pregnancy. Ask your doctor about the last few weeks.

lovely6185 · Dec 10, 2007, 12:36 PM

First of all being pregnant does not make you ugly. Pregnancy is a beautiful natural way of life. Yes now your probelly getting big, but its a baby inside you not food. As long as you do small little excersies you will loose the baby weight. My friend just had a baby and she felt the same way. Anyway if he wants to look at porn let him don't make you ugly at all. If your worried about that I think you should tell him about it. See why he is doing it and talk it over. If you are pregnant with his child you should be able to speak your mind and tell him how it makes you feel. I told my boyfriend of 4 years how porn made me feel. He said it's a fantasy something you cannot have almost like a video game that is not real. There usually is no attraction to the "porno girls" just usually watches it because they are hard and don't know how to control themselves, lol. So stop being worried, and keep your head up. Congrats on having the baby!!

AngelEyes2885 · Dec 11, 2007, 11:12 AM

Thank you all very much for all the kind words.. it is very nice to hear... I hope that soon I will see myself the same way. I am more and more excited about everything each day and you have all helped a great deal with my feelings toward my belly. Thank you again!

cerisa · Dec 11, 2007, 11:22 AM

Good to hear Angel, now be sure to rub cocoabutter onto your belly and breasts to help avoid stretchmarks. Take good care of yourself.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 11, 2007, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by Kevin_s

2 things.

1. Since you're pregnant, you're not having sex, there's that physical need he may have.

2. Being pregnant is a beautiful thing, You have a child with this man, and if he's not leaving and literally saying anything about you or treating you in such a way to make you feel that way, it may just be your hormones chiming in.

Congratulations on the baby and best of luck!!

Kevin

Where did you get the idea they are not having sex? Pregnant women do have sex.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 11, 2007, 03:02 PM

Talk to your boy friend. IMO he should not be sneaking around watching porn and masturbating and not be having sex with you. Let him know how it makes you feel. If he continues despite your feelings, he has a problem.
Let him know that you can have sex all through your pregnancy, there is no reason for him to be doing that if you are willing.

Richie the man · Dec 11, 2007, 03:06 PM

If that's you in the picture then I can assure you that you are not ugly, if you feel uncomfortable about your body now I can assure you your not the only one.
When you see yourself grow bigger you become worried, but all I can say is after giving birth eat healty and take regular excerise and you will return to yourself with a few weeks.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 11, 2007, 03:12 PM

You grow during pregnancy, that is normal and there is nothing ugly about it. You are growing a precious baby.

enigmagnetic · Dec 11, 2007, 04:45 PM

A woman literally, physiologically, radiates during pregnancy, especially during the first 6 months. I as a male, would say that one day I hope to have the ability to have a wife that is carrying my child. I think there would be no greater sight on earth, until I hold the child in my arms. Don't sweat it, he's just being a guy, but you do have to communicate with him about it. It's important that he knows how you feel. I'm surprised he isn't jumping on you, I heard some of my guy friends whose wives have gotten pregnant saying that it was like christmas as far as assets go. Maybe he is afraid he will hurt you or the baby. Just talk to him.

AngelEyes2885 · Dec 11, 2007, 08:29 PM

Just because I am pregnant doesn't mean I am not having sex.. which is why I don't get the whole porn thing..

Homegirl 50 · Dec 11, 2007, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by AngelEyes2885

Just because I am pregnant doesnt mean I am not having sex.. which is why I dont get the whole porn thing..

I don't get it either. I had sex all through my pregnancy, my husband was very attracted to me then.
I heard about this from a lot of younger couples. How old is he.

kp2171 · Dec 11, 2007, 08:58 PM

No you are not ugly! You are very cute.

Glad you are still having sex. Sex during pregnant is healthy and natural.

As for the porn... please talk to him. Yeah, its probably a fight in the making... all you need to do is let him know the truth.

Guys are visual monkeys... sexually explicit pics aren't about your not being beautiful. It's a voyeur instinct.

An example. I can see my wife naked almost any part of the day. I know when she showers and changes clothes, and if I asked for a flash, shed likely oblige me.

One of the sexiest things I've seen, though, is when she's showered with the door ajar... so I can "peek" in. now I could go sit in the bath and she wouldn't mind. Hell, I could get in the shower with her... but sometimes that "not supposed to see it but i can" instinct is pretty strong.

Likewise, I've seen her changing clothes when I've been in the backyard through her bedroom window. I think she half meant me to see her, but still... somehow there is a primal charge tied to seeing something you aren't supposed to.

Now... concerning porn or other explicit stuff... I think its an extension of the same voyeur desire. Doesn't mean you need to put up with it. Doesn't mean you should just leave it be.

For ex... I've taken a few sensual pics of my wife... and did some processing (photoshop) to make some pretty neat artwork. It wasn't raunchy. Really tasteful, and, I think, sensual. I don't think she got why I wanted to do this at first. I think she felt exposed. But shed always loved sensual artwork of women, and I was able to get her to see that my vision was not unlike her preferences.

The point, which I never get to quickly, is that I know I can't tell you to take his actions lightly. Maybe its nothing. Maybe he will go overboard. But I think most mens fantasies concerning voyeurism is really not a blow against you.

Again, that doesn't mean you should put up with it. There can be a point where the fetish takes away from your relationship... and that energy should be directed toward you within reason.

But as for the "am i ugly" part... c'mon. You know you aren't.