[smltwngrl]

Why withhold sex when not only are you torturing your man, but yourself too... Why not just ask for whatever it is you want? Maybe there can be a compromise and you do something for him too. (No ultimatums though - that's worse than withholding sex) How angry would you be if the tables were turned?

[s_cianci]

I'll start by saying this ; if you try to withhold sex from a guy until he caves in to what you want from him, he'll just see you as controlling and manipulative and he'll end up getting it from someone else. From a man's perspective that's not a very wise tactic and will almost always backfire sooner or later. If you know any women who are trying it you may want to warn them now before it's too late. Actually that's one thing men really hate ; a woman who is controlling and manipulative, who thinks that the world revolves around her and that it's her way or the highway. I've dealt with women like that in the past and I've seen some get downright nasty and abusive if you dare disagree with them on something or don't think exactly like them on every issue. What a man really wants most of all is to know that he's respected and loved, despite his "imperfections" (which are often only a matter of subjective perception anyhow) and that he can be who he is without fear of having love or affection withheld from him. Do NOT regard it as a lack of love if he does not respond to every situation the way you think he ought to. That's a problem that my wife and I often experience in that she tends to take it personally if I respond to a situation in a manner differently than she feels I should, even though there's no reason in the world for her to do so. Any woman who can overcome this emotional trap that seems to be particular to females more so than to men really has something going for her. Now of course if there are fundamental flaws in his character (if he's a drug dealer or abusive to you, for example), then it's up to you to steer clear of him and stay far away from him. Don't set yourself up by getting involved with someone who clearly has nothing but trouble to offer.

[s_cianci]

well i dont like for a man to baby me too much, but every once in a while i like to be pampered. so do you think i can get away with having an extra man? :D one i would sleep with, care for, be the best woman and give all my love to. the other man wouldnt get to sleep with me, he would be like my personal maid who gives me manicures and all that. im just saying cause if the womans got to take care of her man then im going to need some assistance to prepare my self. :D

That won't work for long as this other man who is like your personal maid is going to want something from you in return sooner or later.

[s_cianci]

After reading everyone else's posts, I have to add my piece about communication. For some reason, a lot of people, men and women alike, are either afraid to flat-out ask for what they want or somehow feel hurt, offended or unloved if they feel that they have to ask for what they want, as though their significant other should just know and provide it automatically. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most men I know, myself included, can't read minds and it simply isn't fair to impose such an inordinate expectation on another person, that they'll just automatically know what you want and need and provide it out of the blue. Actually such thinking is the height of arrogance and is part of what I alluded to in my first response about people who think that the world revolves around them and the only thing that's important at any given time is what they're doing and what's happening in their lives and everyone should cater to them and their needs and nothing else matters. Granted I don't normally reply three different times to the same post but this is something that I feel very strongly about.

[DJ 'H']

After reading everyone else's posts, I have to add my piece about communication. For some reason, a lot of people, men and women alike, are either afraid to flat-out ask for what they want or somehow feel hurt, offended or unloved if they feel that they have to ask for what they want, as though their significant other should just know and provide it automatically. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most men I know, myself included, can't read minds and it simply isn't fair to impose such an inordinate expectation on another person, that they'll just automatically know what you want and need and provide it out of the blue. Actually such thinking is the height of arrogance and is part of what I alluded to in my first response about people who think that the world revolves around them and the only thing that's important at any given time is what they're doing and what's happening in their lives and everyone should cater to them and their needs and nothing else matters. Granted I don't normally reply three different times to the same post but this is something that I feel very strongly about.

I agree - no one is a mind reader and unless you are actually able to step up and be open with your partner then there is no way they are going to know what you want and no way you are going to know what they want.

Pete stepped up and told me he wants me to talk to him about anything. He justs wants me to be honest & open with him. I told him that I had already been honest & open and I would continue to do so. But he did not know that which is why he asked. Communication is the key to any successful relationship. He and I talk all the time, but it does not stop me worrying about telling him things like "I want to go travelling" it is fear and I will tell him, but it's all about how & when? Over the weekend he told me that he has always wanted to move to the coast and build a life away from Wiltshire. I have always wanted to build a life outside of Wiltshire (as I have lived there my whole life and want something a bit more. He said it to me in a past tense - but I piucked up from that, it was something he still very much wanted to do. So I looked at him and said - well if it's something you want to do, then do it. I want you to be happy and if that makes you happy, then why not still do it? I am not sure if he realises I would go anywhere with him (obviosly I need to get some travelling done at some stage before I am 25yrs old (thats my plan) - but I really would go anywhere with him, and I think he knows that deep down, but needs to hear it from me - so I will tell him so, when the time is right.