[talaniman]

I guess you only can look to the promise you made, for better or worse.

[sd1025]

I don't know if this will help but here goes I had a boyfriend who did what your doing to your wife constantly asking and grilling about the past about who I had been with and wanting details about what had hppend he wanted me to admit that I had done something wrong but I hadn't I hadn't slept with that many people but most of them were within a year and a half and I wasn't with them that long they were my friends I cared for them but I didn't want to be in a relationship with them becous I knew they wouldn't be right for me, but the boyfriend couldn't except this so he started to beat me and verbaly abuse me and harass me at work trying to get others to agree with him that I should apologize to him for things that had happened before I met him wich I still believe were none of his business all his questions did was make me hate him and feel disgust at his stupidity in thinking he had any right to know my past that I didn't want to freely give now if you have a problem with your wife's past that is your problem, not hers she was not a slut or whorish to have made a few decisions that wernt that good but were by no meens bad, you will drive her away if you continue this and the way you do it can easily be considered verbal abuse if you call her those sort of names, also be carful that you don't cross that line I have known to many men who have started saying what you have and end up hitting the woman in an attempt to punish them for what they won't apologize for, you don't own your wife, she is her own person and you have not right to treat her in a disrespectful manner if it bothers you that much go to consaling and have a nuetral third party mediate but lay of your wife before she gets fed up with your holyer than thou routine

[s_cianci]

So, prior to your marriage you had 4 sexual partners and she had 7. Exactly what is your issue here? Obviously neither one of you were pure and you both made mistakes. That doesn't mean you should now shove them down each others' throats. You seem to be committed and loyal to each other now so what's the problem? You're probably bruising her pride by suggesting that she was somewhat "slutty" during her bachelorette years. I don't think you need to force her to admit it now or keep rubbing it in her face. That will only build anger and resentment and maybe lead her to become not so loyal and committed to you. I say let it go.

[s_cianci]

I appreciate that you took the time to reply, but your post wasn't all that helpful. I was looking for more constructive answers to my questions that may actually help the situation. Simply telling me "cherish it" does not do that.

I think it would be tough to give a fair and honest response to my questions since you admit that you did not read the post.

Actually I think excon gave you a very appropriate reply. I read your entire post but it took patience, believe me. I wouldn't shock me to learn that most respondents on this thread didn't read your entire post. It helps to keep things as brief and concise as possible.

[wewed100606]

Well, I don't know if you are still paying attention to this post. I am going to reply to it because I have been in your spot and I got over it. My wife will once in awhile chck my postings on here, so honey, I hope this doesn't violate any trust issues we have I am just trying to help a guy out. Love you!

My wife and I had a goofy relationship roller coaster. We dated, got pregnant, boke up, had a baby, raised the baby apart for four years, and were then brought back tgether, married, had another baby, and are still married today.

I will tell you this... I dealth with what you are dealing with and I wish I was only worrying about 7 people. My wife's and my views of "sex" were and really, still are very different. She thought of it as a recreational thing that made her feel good about herself and satisfied some primal urges. She is a very good looking woman (see picture in my avatar) and waitressed and bartended at big "party spot". If there was something she wanted, she took it. If someone wanted her, what the hell, he is pretty hot. It is just the way she is/was. THis bothered me for the longesttime. More than anything I was always threatened by "dying by comparison". I worried she would fantasize of these other guys. TO top it all off, we still hangout very often where she met most of these guys and where some them work and frequent. So, running into them is a regular occurrence. TO be honest with you my mentality was the same as yours for a longtime. I wanted to know why the woman I loved had to be "a slut". Another thing that bothered me was the fact that I know how most of these guys thought of my wife, a piece of a**. I couldn't stand thinking of anyone thinking such a thing about my wife. I couldn't stand knowing tat there might be someone in this bar that is looking at us and saying to his buddy "hey I ed that guys wife, it was ing hot". It hurt me and pissed me off to no end that there were people out there thatthought of my wife as a quick f**k and just a hot piece of a**. I learned that I was thinking about it all wrong. I figured out that she chose me. She picked me. Of all those guys, I was the one she decided was the best. Eventualloy it started to fade a little. THen one day I was thinking to myself, "Tim, what would you do if one of these guys came up to you and said Hey man I screwed your wife". My quick response was beet the ever living f**k out of him and sort it out later, but then I realized those wounds heal. I came up with saying "well I have been meaning to thank you and the other guys for making me look like such a rockstar in the sack, glad to finally meet you". It gave me an odd feeling o power. You know what. I love my wfe. I hate her past, but it made her who she is, and who knows if I would have the woman sitting in front of me today had she not had the experiences she had. People marry hookers, strippers, pornstars, etc. You have to swallow your holier than thou attitude and admit that if she had not done what she had done she might not be who you love now. ANother healing thing for me was one particular song I would listen to and sing over and over. I love the Michael Buble version, it is called "Save the Last Dance for Me". You should either read the lyrics or better yet listen to the song and message. It has honestly let me know just how much I love my wife. It made me adopt the motto of that as long as you love me the most, as long as you can say to me with all your heart with a twinkle in your eye that with me is where you want to be I can forgive and adapt to anything. "Dance with the guy who gives you the eye...but save the last dance for me"

Dude... if you can't be man enough to get over this your are not in love. I love my wife to death, I will always love her and never do anything but hold her on a pedastal... even if I find out she was gang banged by the entire Dallas Cowboys defensive unit, it wouldn't matter to me because in my bed next to me is where she feels at home and comes to every night. It is what she feels now, what she thinks now, how she acts now. If you can tell me you have had the same view on every vice that mankind has to offer ever since you were able to form those opinions you would be either a liar, or living in a cult. People change. There mentalities change. THeir needs change. THeir values change. Just man up and admit to yourself you love this woman no matter what, or this ain't right for me. I wish you the best, and honestly if you can't get over this in a healthy way she deserves a lot better. THE PROBLEM IS YOU NOT HER!

Take it easy bro! Much love!

[hatch]

Hey man you need to trust in the power of forgiveness. Your not wrong for second guessing yourself. Make sure she's done with this stuff and wholeheartedly forgive her for it.

[hurt]

I agree completely

[confusedme]

Have you thought, that maybe she only said too much about her past to hurt you because your past has hurt her.