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mylifecouldbebetter · Dec 4, 2007, 06:27 PM

Hello.I am 42 years old married with 3 wonderful children.For 19 years it has been up and down.More down than ever.My husband has worked so many different jobs and we have moved 13 times. I feel so horrible at that fact my kids have seen us move,no money at times and asking for food at out church.I keep saying things will change, just hang in there.
I have come to realize it won't and never will as long as I married to this man that I call my husband. I went back to work about 11 years ago. In and out of different ones because we moved so much. I finally came across a great job in the medical field and loved it. I exceeded to Office manager and was making a great pay.Husband Titan;t like that too much.
Anyway, I had to quit.I was taking on so much personal problems with the bills and being evicted from our house, I had a breakdown. I was there for 6 1/2 years. I did find another great job with a great pay.
Husband didn't like that I had so much power in that job and made sure he would make it rough for me. Yes, Another job I quit. Every time I say I can be strong and can handle his ways I break down. I love my children so much I can't stand them living like this. OK, Here I am Unemployed again and I never ever felt like this growing up. I want my kids to know what it's like to go on vacation like I did and to see the world. I want it so much for them. I just feel like this time, I just can't rise from it. My husband was laid off Again and doesn't want to work. I have been looking for work. I am very proud of myself, I have made it in the medical field as a Manager without any experience and proud of it. He didn't pay for the car I got and they repossess it. I need to get out but looking for a good paying job to do so.I need a car and a place to live without him. How does one go about doing this when for years you tried and it brings you back to square 1 again. It's like a viscous circle. Help! Any advise would be wonderful. Thank you.

berrysweetncgurl · Dec 4, 2007, 08:00 PM

From your post it looks like there is only one way to overcome your problems and move forward in life... GET RID OF THE HUSBAND WHO IS WEIGHING YOU DOWN!
Good luck in life you sound like a very smart and put together woman who only has one major problem.

donf · Dec 5, 2007, 09:54 AM

MLCBB,

I know it is just not as simple as the previous poster say it is. Unfortunately, this is something to really consider. I am not a supporter of divorce so it is difficult for me to suggest that.

What exactly does your husband do that forces him to be laid off or have to move?

As to your financial problems, you might want to talk to an attorney regarding bankruptcy. Also, about severing any financial responsibility held jointly between your husband and yourself. Certainly, you do not want to be held responsible with any new debt he acquires. If you manage to purchase another car, do not list your husband as a co-owner, this way the vehicle cannot be used as security for any other debt he acquires.

Talk with your children, find out what they want then see if you can build a plan towards meeting their wants. Not there needs, needs have to handled and cannot be dismissed.

If you can talk to your husband without fear of being harmed, tell him that if he cannot support his family you will have to. If he kicks and screams about it, show him the door and let him know that if he choose to absent himself from your home he is free to go, however you will be expecting his contribution to the support of his family to be started immediately and if it is not, you will take him to court. Let him know that you will seek a divorce and custody of the children.

Next, apply to the State for help. Welfare, as distateful as it may be may be your only way to feed, clothe and provide a home for yourself and the children. Also, if you have to ask the State for help, they may have some legal remedies against your husband.

talaniman · Dec 5, 2007, 03:16 PM

I have to agree with the others, get rid of the husband. You can struggle better by yourself. Good Luck.

berrysweetncgurl · Dec 5, 2007, 07:14 PM

Yes it seems like every time she gets ahead, the husband tears her down... Good Luck... I know it is not as easy as it sounds but make gradual changes and you will succeed in life.

sGt HarDKorE · Dec 5, 2007, 07:20 PM

My family is going through the same thing, we are getting food from churches, have been evicted once and we should be getting the letter anytime for this house we are in now. People are giving money and stuff.

There is nothing to be embarrassed about, I know my mom is a hard worker and is supporting 3 kids as a single parent. My mom's friend told me this, "Your mom is an extremely hard worker and its not her fault, shes definitly not lazy or anything, its just the economy. And she has paid her taxes, and she shouldn't be embarrassed using what her tax money goes too."

And yeah, its hard on the kids just like it is on me, but what you can do differently than my mom if possible, is talk to your kids because my mom is so busy that I see her probably about 1 hour out of the week.

And yeah drop the guy, that's what my mom did too

mylifecouldbebetter · Dec 7, 2007, 02:15 PM

Thank Thank you everyone for all your help! I felt compelled to let all of you know that you lifted my Sprites. It's hard to squeeze in 19 years of harships in to one Column but all of you really understood an dI don't even know you. Thank you and God bless all of you! To answer some of your questions.My husband works in a warehouse and a lot of these jobs are being replaced by machines.But, he is well aware of his departure months ahead of time.to give him enough time to find something else. I just don't understand it. I would work anywhere to feed and shelter my kids. And I have! I have to also thank sGt HarDKorE for his encourgement and his view on the kids.I am worried about my 18 year old son along with my other 2.I did leave once before but the oldest was crying for his dad so I did it for him. I will not do that again. I just can't. I feel like I want to die at times, so I have to keep my ears closed when I hear that from my kids and know they will better off.

I know I can do this it's the comments an dthe yelling my husband gives me that really brings me down.I pray a lot an dhope I can get out soon.

Thank you

connie-mom · Dec 7, 2007, 03:47 PM

All I can say is give him an altimatum and let your kids know why you are doing what you are doing! I have young children myself and their fauthers are no where to be seen I have made the dession that no man will bring me down.. but do give him a chance if you feel this way he could be feeling worse any man will feel depressed that they are not supporting their family and just need a slight push to get up off their butt and say yes I can do this!! If he don't drop him fast and get your life back it will be hard but I know you can do it if I can so can you...

sGt HarDKorE · Dec 8, 2007, 11:20 PM

I don't pray much, I really don't no how, but ill pray for you or at least attempt it

Wondergirl · Dec 8, 2007, 11:40 PM

Get your kids into a family meeting with you and involve them as problem solvers. Children can be amazingly resourceful. Make plans with them on how they can help out around the house so it all doesn't fall on you. Hug them a lot and praise each one for specific ways they have helped -- like, "Susie, I am really proud of you for getting all the dishes washed and put away last night after supper."

You've achieved a lot on your own in the past, so I know you will do it again. Be sure to involve in your life social workers, lawyers, librarians, medical people, and whoever might be able to help you. And I'm glad you came here to us too.

Stringer · Dec 9, 2007, 03:20 AM

Life does turn around and change. When I was very young we were extremely poor. My father left when I was five and my sister was 3. Never to be heard from until 13 years later when he showed up and thought that I should be glad that he was 'there now for me and my sister."

My mother received help from social services and from other family members, we made it. The rest was not all a rose garden. And even my first marriage fell apart and I too had two children. But I learned many lessons, especially from my mother. A frail woman, 98 lbs but with a heart like a "TANK!" I got both of my kids after the divorce and we not only survived we succeeded. It took me 6 years of night school to get my college degree and now own three successful businesses in Chicago. Now married to the most wonderful (she is a Wondergirl also) woman God put on this earth. Each of my two grown children are successful and have given me four great grandchildren.

Yes, you can control your own future and as Wondergirl said let your children know that you love them and they will respond with love and that bonds family together.

I remember one time when I was in 1st grade I came home to tell her that the kids were making fun of my old clothes. She hugged my and cried, and said "sweetheart we are not poor we will always have each other." "As long as your clothes are clean, pressed and the holes are sewn, you hold your head up."

mylifecouldbebetter · Dec 9, 2007, 09:08 AM

I can't believe the outpour of all of you. I sit here and tears roll down my face. I guess I needed someone to just tell me that everything will be OK. I really have no one to talk to. I don't want to burden my mother and sister with all my problems even though they know what I am going through. They have been true angels. But, I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I try to stay strong for my kids. I love them more than life itself. I know once I get a job I have a plan.But can't seem to put that in place without any money.

Thank you for your prayers and I will pray for all you for helping me. I am glad there is a place on here where people can voice their problems.I am a positive person and always look at the good but things and people can tear you down bad.I know I need to get out and make it on my own with my kids. My husband watches my every move he makes it so its hard to come on here for help.

Stringer · Dec 9, 2007, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by mylifecouldbebetter

I can't believe the outpour of all of you. I sit here and tears roll down my face. I guess I needed someone to just tell me that everything will be ok. I really have no one to talk to. I don't want to burden my mother and sister with all my problems even though they know what i am going through. They have been true angels. But, I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I try to stay strong for my kids. I love them more than life itself. I know once I get a job I have a plan.But can't seem to put that in place without any money.

Thank you for your prayers and I will pray for all you for helping me. I am glad there is a place on here where people can voice their problems.I am a positive person and always look at the good but things and people can tear you down bad.I know I need to get out and make it on my own with my kids. My husband watches my every move he makes it so its hard to come on here for help.

Personally from just listening to you, I think things will work out fine. You are a good person, you love your children and you gave this all you had and you know that you are strong, but you will find that you are even much stronger than you thought.

When you doubt this at any time just keep repeating what I have said above.

First you will need a plan, get all the information you can about social services, where you will go, what you will need... and who can trust...

At first it is never easy, but doing the right thing never is. Worth it? Only you really know the answer to that question... decide...

I sincerely wish you the very best, you and your children will be fine, I know it.:)