[margarita_momma]

Of cource he'll hate you. i hate you for even considering it. why so extreme? just put him in a daycare or like the other gir said a live in nanny

And for those who like to use profanty in their answers..get original...a true speaker does not need to use fowl language to get a point across. :$

This coming from a person that used the word HATE in their last post. Sorry dude but HATE is one of the ugliest words that you can use. Maybe you should take a look at your own post before getting on to others about using profanity

[Jodie88]

I agree with KP on this one. I can understand where the mother is coming from. The child is only one for goodness sake. Its not like he is going to grow up a completely disturbed child because his mother needed to finish her degree for 4 months. I believe the mother knows how this will effect her and she knows she will miss a lot of her childs first steps, words, etc. But I also believe she knows that by finishing her masters, she will be in a much better place financially and mentally to provide for her child. A lot of you people on here have never been in this type of situation so you have no right to judge her as a selfish or bad mother. Go with what you think is right hon. Good luck!

I just don't see it! I can't see how anyone would leave there child. Only one year's old? Is that said because they won't remember? Is that what your worried about? Shouldn't be about who remembers what, it should come from within you that you WANT to see so many wonderful things occur at that age. It's not like they don't have other alternatives and this is the last and best hope for there child. One could compromise with many other solutions. For them to send there child overseas not even close for visiting would just CRUSH me. I could never see it or do it. But that's why we all have opinions and we all do things differently. I think people are faced with this sort of situation more then you think. Maybe not the exact type of situation but very similar one's. People with children sacrifice allot of things that's the choice we made and wanted to.

[Tuscany]

Could you live with not seeing your son every day? That is something that I know I could not do. Perhaps your husband could stay with him or you could get a sitter for part of the day. It can be done. I know a single mom of 4 that works fulltime and goes to school. She does it. It might take some sacrifices on your part, but at least he would be with you.

It is a terrible burden to put on your mother!

[kp2171]

I know my opinion isn't "right"... and as a parent, I understand how tough this decision is...

But where others see a burden on the mother, I see a unique bonding opportunity for the grandma that may never come again... not to mention that there is an aunt who is also wanting to help. There is family present that can love the child. And in the process maybe help her daughter secure a better future for the family.

My wife Didn't see her child's first steps. She was at work. My wife didn't hear the first time he said his first word (ball). My wife wasn't there the first time he made a snow angel or the first time he draw a picture and called it a name. My wife is present in our child's life, but as a working mother she "missed" some moments... at least the technical "first" moments.

Did her seeing him walk for the first time, even though it wasn't the "first" mean less? Does that diminish her memory? Is she less of a mother?

Guess what? There are a lot of people who see your child's "firsts"... your caregivers and teachers... those people you trust everyday to care for your children... they are often the ones who see many of the firsts...

My wife works in the job she does because it gives her great satisfaction and it pays well. She can do this because she knows there is a parent or family member present in my sons care. When we were both working, he was in the care of his loving aunt when not with us.

Is a mother with a child in daycare less of a loving mother?

Should we ban all parents from serving in the military, knowing that for the extra dollars earned it might mean years away from loved ones?

I ABSOLUTELY agree that there are a lot of ways to get an education and that her proposed method isn't the only one, and even not necessarily the "best choice"...

But good parenting does NOT mean sacrificing all for your child. It means balance. It means financial responsibility and healthy family choices that are also based on reason.

I know I need to shut up. I've just seen people put off education and struggle to get back to it. And a semester can fly by so fast...

I guess I'm giving her too much credit for some here. I assume if she didn't care or wasn't concerned shed have done it without asking for our approval or opinions. I assumed that she knew how tough it would be. I assume the mother and aunt are not being put upon.

Maybe I'm assuming too much.

I need to let this go. Said my piece. We agree to disagree. I'm done, I promise.

[ScottGem]

Comments on this postRinacakes1991 disagrees: hate may be a strong word. But there will always be that tension between the child and parent. How would u feel if you were sent somewere so you're parents could live the high life. If you can afford college you can afford a nanny.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

I can't understand how some people have talked about parents "living the high life" and being selfish, etc.

Getting the masters could mean a large difference in salary when they get into the work force. This will only benefit the child as well as the parents. We are not talking about an interminabvle amount of time, either 4 months in the life of a 1 yr old, is not something they will remember too easily.

I'm with KP on this. While I agree that maybe this should have been considered before they conceived and while I think it may be hard for some to imagine being away fromtheir child for that long, especially at that age, I also think that they have a unique opportunity to take advantage of a scholarship that will advance her career.

So, I think its something you should seriously consider. But by seriously consider I mean you need to examine how you will feel being away from your child.

[margarita_momma]

I just don't see it!! I can't see how anyone would leave there child. Only one year's old? Is that said because they won't remember? Is that what your worried about? Shouldn't be about who remembers what, it should come from within you that you WANT to see so many wonderful things occur at that age. It's not like they don't have other alternatives and this is the last and best hope for there child. One could compromise with many other solutions. For them to send there child overseas not even close for visiting would just CRUSH me. I could never see it or do it. But that's why we all have opinions and we all do things differently. I think people are faced with this sorta situation more then you think. Maybe not the exact type of situation but very similar one's. People with children sacrifice allot of things that's the choice we made and wanted to.

I agree that one could compromise with many other solutions. Parents have a lot of different views on ways to raise their children. I am not saying she is right but it is ultimately her decision. I for one could never leave my son with my mother (let's just pretend for a second that she was a good caring mother that stayed around and wasn't a meth addict). I am just saying that if she can handle being away from her child for that length of time, that I don't believe it will effect the child later on in life. He will just have a lot of pictures to look at of him and granny hanging out in Europe when he gets older. You never know, maybe grandma is happy about getting to take care of her grandchild for a little while. ;)

[leti1980]

Well I think only you could tell if he would be OK with your mum. And if you think that you doing this will help with the finance of your family maybe its right. I could not do this myself but that's not to say you are wrong for wanting to do it.
One question though how do you feel you would cope being away from him for 4 months? Would it affect your studies? Leti

[kburk1]

Do not listen to Rinacakes. That was just so completely uncalled for. My daughter is 2 now and I was a stay at home mom for 10 months and then went just part time until a month ago when I went back full time. I couldn't stand the thought of being without her for 4 months, but we all have to make sacrifices. That is your biggest sacrifice, being without him and vice versa. If it is only for 4 months and he is with your family and you talk to him on the phone and he hears your voice, he will still be getting the love and attention he needs while still knowing who you and your husband are. If there is absolutely no other alternative, then I say do it. It will be hard, but for the long run of your family's financial stability and security, you need to finish your college education. Especially if you get a scholorship and it is nothing out of pocket.

[talaniman]

HMMM, maybe grandma (and grandpa) could visit for an extended period, and be there while your away. I did this when my daughter went back to work, and it bonded me and my grandson for life. Couldn't hurt to ask her.

[s_cianci]

Very bad move. Your son comes first, before any scholarship to do your master's or anything else. If you can't do both then your education takes a back seat to being a parent. I'd love to continue my education but having a wife and 2 kids simply doesn't allow me to do that at this time.

[ordinaryguy]

I agree with KP on this one. I can understand where the mother is coming from. The child is only one for goodness sake. Its not like he is going to grow up a completely disturbed child because his mother needed to finish her degree for 4 months. I believe the mother knows how this will effect her and she knows she will miss a lot of her childs first steps, words, etc. But I also believe she knows that by finishing her masters, she will be in a much better place financially and mentally to provide for her child. A lot of you people on here have never been in this type of situation so you have no right to judge her as a selfish or bad mother. Go with what you think is right hon. Good luck!

I agree. It's not like she's proposing to abandon her child for life or turn him over to the state. Unless grandma and auntie are hopeless addicts or something, I really don't see it as a big deal.

Hi I need an opinion

Well, you certainly did get a variety to choose from.

[grammadidi]

I was a single mom many moons ago with 2 children - one with special needs. However, I went to school days and worked nights to pay for their care. I did this for 2 years. It IS possible. If you can afford to fly your baby to Europe for 4 months and back again, then you should be able to afford care for him. There are also subsidies for low income families available. What school will you be going to? Do they not have a day care program? Then you can still drop by to feed and cuddle when you are not in classes.

I do think that it would be wonderful to be able to have your baby with family instead of strangers. Is it possible that one of your family members would be willing to come and stay with you for some or all of the time until your husband can help out?

I can see why you have come to the thought of placing your baby with his grandmother, and under normal conditions it will not have any long term affects upon him. However, many changes so early in his life, especially changes which do not promote bonding with you - his mother, CAN have serious and lasting effects. One of these is Reactive Attachment Disorder. I think the risk of something of this nature is very slim, particularly if your son is receiving loving care with someone who can meet his needs on a regular basis.

I think it would be awful to lose your scholarship, and I do feel being with family would be preferential for the baby. However, total absence from his parents is not the most practical solution. Try to find other options, such as I have suggested earlier. If you need to find out information on low cost care and/or programs available near you, please provide us with the name of the school and the general area in which you live.

I can see you are trying very hard to ensure your baby has the best - otherwise you would not have posted here or even considered sending him to your mother.

Hugs, Didi

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I agree with Grammadidi. Tell us where you are living and what school you are going to, and many people here will be able to give you some better advice on daycare, and low-cost services to help you.

Do you have siblings near you? Do you have any family that lives near you? Or really good friends that live near you?

[connie-mom]

Hey listen I am a singal mother who had a child at a very young age and I too had a schollership for school but I gave it up had my child till he was old enough to go to a babysitters for the day and then got a good job asked for help worked my butt of and did it on my own

... I am not saying quit school but there are always different ways to cope with a child and school. I know in your area there are some government helpers who help pay for child care for mother in your situation the only draw back is you would have to pay back I think its 25% of what they help you with

.. but its worth it to stay with you son who at this time in his life learns what ever he needs to live children are like sponges from new born to the age of about 5-6 and then they learn new things like spelling ,math etc 0-5 they learn rutines how to eat when to sleep even for 4 months he will pick up on your mother traits and he might rebel against you and even in 4 months he could forget who you are

Not trying to scare you but when my daughters dad left when she was 1and a little bit he came back 3 months later and she didn't know him nor did she want anything to do with him.

I am not saying your little guy will do the same but a 1 year olds brain can only hold and keep so much that is why we constintly repeat our teaching and rules so if you send him away and he don't see you for 4 months he might not remember you and its to easy to say 4 months but end up taking longer what will you do then I wonder? My sugestion would be look deeper into the government for help and look for other ways to keep you little man and get you hubby to help I bet with some stratagising you both could come up with a plain.

[stonewilder]

You said your husband will graduate next semester and you should start the next. Why can't he take care of the child now that you will be in school? It just seems that between the two of you you could work around your child rather than shipping him off to another country. I'm all for getting an education and might even understand you doing this if your mother lived near by where you could see your child everyday, but thousands of miles away... no! Do you realize the transition your son is going to have to go through and then when he does adjust (if he does) he's going to have to come back and readjust again. His little mind could never comprehend what's happening or why. If anything, bring your mother or sister here to care for him but you really need to get sending him away out of your mind. I can't believe your husband could be with you on this. If you two had your son just a little too soon that is your doing and that child should not have to pay for it.

[Razen]

Hi guys ,

I would like to thanks everyone responed to my question. I think it's become very hard for me to decied. I hope God help me to choose for him and for me the best.

[Razen]

I will descripe for you all my difficulties. I speak english as a secoend language at first. Secoendly my country offer me this scholarship and tickets too. If I lost this scholarship I can't have it again all my life. In my home country the education is not like united state it is awfull . All my life I dreamed to study here. I don't know what to say but people who live in such country they never think how others are thirsty to be educated . Unfortunately, I had many barriers my languge, my poor education in the bacholar and morover my son. I swear it is difficult for me to leave him I believe he can adjust faster than me .with all that sometimes you have the chance for something which you hop for it all your life but you still can't take it

Thank you all for give me the advice and time to read my question.

[connie-mom]

You are right he can adjust faster he would just forget after awhile but would you? Or would you carry the guilt of leaving him.

.. As a singal parent I know how hard it is to do school and raise a child but what you must understand is you can do both all you have to do is ask for the help contact the government and talk to who ever you can eventually you will find something

... its just a lot of talking on the phone and sorry to say begging.. even if you asked your community to help set up a car wash or book reading thing to hand out pamflets to let people know what you are trying to do there is always that chance you will find a carring sponsor who will help you out.

So never give up on you little man or yourself. You can do it just believe in yourself and others out there.

[startover22]

I have one question that didn't get answered here.
At least I didn't notice! Does your mother even know your son? Being so far away have they had a chance to get to know each other?
I agree with J_9's original, first post. I don't think it is too harsh. We as parents have a job to do and who knows he could get hurt being so far away that may just crush you! I say write the pros and cons down on a piece of paper and if it ONLY comes down to money, I say scratch the idea. You can wait till he goes to school and get into school with a student loan like everyone else later! I wonder if you will be sending him to a complete stranger, that is a stranger to him at least? I guess that is what really worries me about this whole thing! Good luck, and it is obvious you care because you have taken every possible opinion and said thank you for it! I also have to ask if maybe mom could just take a nice vacation and come help you instead?

[Ren Radio]

I'm scratching my head trying to figure out how you can achieve a masters in four months (!? ) with a degree in "Information Engineering Management" (!? ) when it took me ten minutes to read your second posting to figure out what in the world you were trying to spell.

Be with your baby. You don't get this time back. There may be a reason that this opportunity will not work for you right now.. and a better one may be waiting down the road.
Everyone here is making on very saliant point: we all sacrifice. We're parents. It's what we do.