[roundmonkeylover]

HEEELLLP,

It all started seven months ago,

My girlfriend who I loved very much was suffering with clinical depression and having suicidal thoughts. Everything I tried to do, made things worse, she got irate at me and then hated herself. She said she loved me, but clearly couldn't deal with being in a relationship and wanted out so we split.

We stayed close friends, we never gave each other space and when she lost her flat I offered her to stay at mine. We then developed a surrogate relationship, which turned non-surrogate every time I started discussing moving on. We both were lonely and it was convenient. We always had close intimacy, hugs and cuddles and slept closely in bed.

But caring for someone who is depressed is hard and all the care attention both brought me closer and took it's toll. She constantly maintained that she couldn't be in a relationship while she was on the antidepressents.

I started taking antidepressents, about four months ago.

Three months ago, her feelings had begun to change. She now saw me as her soulmate and only a friend, which hurt a little, but sensing the opportunity to move on and knowing she was doing better I decided to take a job down south in london.

After moving everything changed again. She came down to see me (and other friends but mainly me) every couple of weeks. At first the distance and separation worked for me and I started to only see her as friend. But then we decided to go on a break away, we had gone away before and nothing had happened so I thought it would be fine.

We spent 10 days together, at first we just mates, then started having sex and then things got a little too complicated. It did just feel like sex and not love and I was fine... I thought she was too. I told we had to move on and we couldn't go back.

When we got back though there was chemistry, we went out with friends and she got drunk and very friendly with me (slightly embarassingly). Everybody kept telling me I should go back out with her as we good for each other.

A couple of weekends later she came down and told me she had feelings for me , she was confused because she still couldn't be in a relationship, it would be perfect because we were already best friends but if was the one surely she would be sure by now. We decided not to talk about it and had two wonderful days ending with a passionate kiss!!

Right this is where it starts going wrong... (well even more so)

I go back the next week, because my dad wanted to talk to me about something. It turns out he's thinking of leaving my mum because 'he's had enough'.

Strike One.

I go see her and she starts crying all over again, telling me she's jealous of her friend whos' recently married and now pregnant... but she's not ready and it wasn't fair on me because I wanted those things with her (not right at the moment I must add). She says because she's not sure and doesn't want to be with anyone at the moment she couldn't be with me.

Strike two.

I said I needed just a little space to move on and function by myself again. Two weeks later after a bit of a bitter exchange of actions (I read her emails to a guy asking him out) she starts seeing the other guy... is all smiles and happiness and said she just wants stop thinking about me and move on. I know my actions only have sped this up.

She still wants me to be her best friend though!!

Strike three.

This is all too much... although it turns out the GP who had prescribed me the antidepresents didn't think I was suffering enough so only gave me a placibo dose so the drugs I've been taking for four weeks have done nothing.

Can you get four strikes..?

I've now been diagnosed with Bipolar type II, am being offered councilling, can't do my dream job that I moved to London for and am back living with my parents.

Just to get two final kicks in she decides to announce her dating has moved on to a proper relationship via Facebook (didn't even text) and I've now found out (and the only one who knows) he's having an affair and cheating on my mum.

I feel totally alone, have lost my best friend and love of my life, parents on the brink of explosion and mentally I'm well totally lost it... what the hell do I do now?

[Emm Lura]

Well sweetheart, just breathe...

Deep breath in,

Deep breath out...

Feel better? Probably not much. Just want to distract you a little. Ha ha.

Well I understand what you are going through. When it rains it pours huh? I recently was diagnosed with bipolar disorder II. It's no fun honey. But they prescribed me lamictal and I am starting to feel wonderful about life. Things have also been going terrible for me too. Relationship problems, work problems, car problems and especially family problems. (Boyfriend and I always argue about stupid things, my employees don't want to do the job they're getting paid to do, my car just blew a hole threw the engine that is the size of my fist, and most of all, my crack-addicted alcoholic mother has been trying to kill herself via throwing herself in front of cars)

What I'm telling you all this stuff for is to let you know you aren't alone. Here's a little hint for you sweetie, don't ever say that things can't get any worse, because they will. Always say, things can only get better. It's the truth. All of those problems I had mentioned above, are solved.

I believe things will be better very soon. I'll be here for your support.