[crazy_mari]

Ok. I was in a summer program in this college and I got to meet different of other studemts. I talked to them and hang around with them, but then as school started in the fall they changed. We (my friend and I) and them didn't talk to each other anymore. They had their little group and somehow we felt that they were talking about us. Months passed by and they wanted and still want to know what we do. Like, where we are, well they just want to know about us. They even want to hook us up with their guy friends. They kind of like follow us around the campus. So now I'm trying to figure out what do I do? Should my friend and I ignore them? Or act as if we don't care. Help me. :(

[fredg]

Hi,
You are going through what is called "back to school with my own group". You said it in your own words. While you were with them in a different setting, they were nice to you, had you as a friend. But, back at school, it's different, cause they were afraid to be friends, afraid of what "others at school" would think.
The basic thing with teens or younger people, is that they have not yet learned to treat others with respect. They "bow down" to pressure from others, not yet knowing how to "be themselves" and not worry about what others think so much!
The decision as to accept them as friends or not, is up to you. Personally, I don't believe in treating others badly or holding a "grudge". If you want to be with them, then do it.
Don't fall into the "group" trap; people in "groups" are really afraid of what others will think about them; they are afraid to be themselves.
Be yourself, treat others with respect, and don't be afraid of what they might think. Friends come and go. Do you want them as friends? If so, go for it.
I do wish you the best, and good luck with whatever you decide.

[DJ 'H']

This situation sounds a lot like the one I was in when I was at school.

There were 3 different groups - Group 1: low self esteem, no confidence, not very academic and very shy Group 2: Lots of confidence, academic and very sociable wth all, and very down to earth Group 3: Highly academic, rude, bullies and always thinking they are way above evryone else.

Group 3 bullied Group 1 enormously whether it was direct or indirect; they had the power to make people feel really small and worthless and totally insignificant.

Group 2 (which is the one I was in) had a lot of respect for everyone; always tried to socialise and get on with everyone and stood up for all in Group 1. Group 3 always tried to overpower Griup 2 and make us feel the way they made Group 1 but failed miserably.

Outside school it was a different ball game. They wanted to know how you were? What you were up to? But my friends and I just blanked them - what a cheek they hadto be so nasty in school in front of everyone and be nice to us outside school away from everyone.

Now everyone has grown up and gone their separate ways. Each time I encounter someone from my year group from Group 3 they are always so OTT - wanting to know how you are, telling you you look well etc etc etc but all I do is tell them about all the good things in my life and leave at that. I can see they are just being nosey and that they are still the same as they always were. My instincts tell me to do this.

It's down to you - only you can tell if they are worth it or not - but if you decide to be their friend then do let them know how they made you feel by their previous actions - and let them know if they try it again they forget about any kind of friendship with you.

[momincali]

Ok. I was in a summer program in this college and i got to meet different of other studemts. I talked to them and hang around with them, but then as school started in the fall they changed. We (my friend and i) and them didn't talk to each other anymore. They had their little group and somehow we felt that they were talking about us. Months passed by and they wanted and still want to know what we do. Like, where we are, well they just want to know about us. They even want to hook us up with thier guy friends. They kind of like follow us around the campus. So now i'm trying to figure out what do i do? Should my friend and i ignore them? Or act as if we don't care. Help me. :(

I'm a little confused, in summer school they talked to you but in the fall they changed, months passed and they still want to know what you do, where you are and want to hook up their male friends with you guys and follow you around campus?? Maybe they are trying to renew that summer school relationship. Either way, if they are, that's great, you have more friends then you started school with. If not, then yes, you and your friends should just go about your business. Say hello when you pass them in the halls, be polite. But if they are not showing a great deal of interest in you or your friends anymore then don't sweat it. Don't act like you don't care cause that would be untrue, you do care or you wouldn't give this a second thought, but don't go out of your way to snub them or be rude. Keep it real and hang on to your true friends.

[s_cianci]

Decide for yourself whether you want to ignore them or not. Do you want to have these guys for friends or not? Keep in mind that during the summer they may have been removed from their usual clique and that could explain why they so readily made friends with you. Once fall came they may have gotten "back in the saddle", so to speak with their usual crowd and may now be preoccupied with them. My own gut feeling tells me that this is probably the case so your chances of remaining close friends with them are most likely pretty slim. They might not necessarily mean any harm, it's just part of the natural progression of group dynamics and the social order. You don't have to totally ignore them but don't expect too much from them and don't spend too much time pursuing them.