Check out some similar questions!

helpme1954 · Nov 30, 2007, 12:11 PM

I am going to ditch the man I love tonight because he cannot be trusted. I know he will eventually go back to his ex although he tells me he loves me, I know that he loves her more by things he has said and done in all the time I have been with him and I feel sooooo second best and used. This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it needs to be done. There must be heaps of you out there who have had to compete with an ex and ended up feeling worthless knowing it's only a matter of time, please tell me how you coped. Love to you all and I really need you now x

kiki_doki · Nov 30, 2007, 01:37 PM

Hello 1954, I can't say I have ever been in the same situation personally but I wanted to show some support (",) you sound like you need an ickle bit! I think only you really know what to do in this situation, what's right for you in your life. I would think its very problematic to keep mentioning the ex, some men do it without knowing but others do it to make you feel insecure and jealous. Which ever reason I think he needs to get her out of his system before he has a relationship with anyone else.
Good luck, and let us know how it went.
Kind regards, Kiki

helpme1954 · Nov 30, 2007, 02:03 PM

Thank you, I am sitting here at the moment waiting for him to arrive. He phoned earlier and sounded like he was so looking forward to seeing me. He always is likethis when he feels I am distant. Why is it when you want him to remember you at your best you looked tired and washed out? I will let you know how it went, please prayI have the strength to do this otherwise I am a lost cause. X

Farmerjohn692000 · Nov 30, 2007, 02:06 PM

Well my wife compares things I do to her ex who really screwed her over. Things she says to me and stuff and how she says your just like him. TO be honest with you just go day by day, and you will learn to cope. It won't be easy but you'll get by. And in time you will find someone who loves you for you and will always put you first. So no worries. If your really unhappy, breaking up could lead to many things that will make you happy

Chery · Nov 30, 2007, 02:10 PM

It has been my experience that any guy we get on the rebound is not always the best for a longstanding relationship.
First, he will be doing a lot of comparing, while blindly keeping her on a pedestal even though his imagination about her is greater than what she really is like.
Second, you will get tired of trying to please him and be in competition with a ghost. This does not give either of you a chance to really get to know each other.
I would suggest a break, and let him deal with being alone for a while and come to the realization that what he has now is either better than what he had or not. At least then you will know where you stand and can go on with your life.
I hope for you that you did not waste valuable time, but if so, it will be a lesson learned - NO REBOUNDS, and NEVER trust a guy who cheats on another woman with you.
Both of the above make for bad combinations.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

The break will do you good and the next move will be his to make.

kiki_doki · Nov 30, 2007, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by helpme1954

Thank you, I am sitting here at the moment waiting for him to arrive. He phoned earlier and sounded like he was so looking forward to seeing me. He always is likethis when he feels I am distant. Why is it when you want him to remember you at your best you looked tired and washed out? I will let you know how it went, please prayI have the strength to do this otherwise I am a lost cause. x

I think its called murpheys (sods) law (",) make the most of what you got and you do what feels right to you...

BMI · Nov 30, 2007, 02:25 PM

Good luck Kiki, it must behard but totally understandable for someone in your position. You deserve someone who is for YOU only:)

Chery · Nov 30, 2007, 02:31 PM

I think it boils down to us not really wanting to be alone, and are willing to accept anything but that.

Once we can overcome that with a journal, hobbies, self-reliance and respect, things will look a whole lot better. Men are just as scared of being alone as women.

Again, good luck.

kiki_doki · Nov 30, 2007, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by BMI

Good luck Kiki, it must behard but totally understandable for someone in your position. You deserve somone who is for YOU only:)

I don't know whether its this haze that surrounds me (the flu) but I read this (BMI above) and felt overcome by emotion and thought yeah he's right... then the haze disappeared and remembered this is not my dilemma lovely!. BMI read the initial question...
Was there some major mix up that I have aided? Or is it just misunderstanding? LOL:p

And whatever happened to pearl jam?

BMI · Dec 1, 2007, 08:13 AM

OHHHHHHH Brother!!

I'm sooo sorry KIKI, I scrolld up to find the OP and guess I didn't go up far enough! I guess if you ever ask a similar question this would be my response:)

Happened to Pearl Jam? They are still... around... I... guess? They have helped me through many a tough girl situation and I think it time to start a good re-listen:)

Sorry bout' the mix up!

kiki_doki · Dec 1, 2007, 08:37 AM

He he he... all is forgiven (",)

jrebel7 · Dec 2, 2007, 12:29 AM

Originally Posted by helpme1954

I am going to ditch the man I love tonight because he cannot be trusted. I know he will eventually go back to his ex although he tells me he loves me, I know that he loves her more by things he has said and done in all the time I have been with him and I feel sooooo second best and used. This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it needs to be done. There must be heaps of you out there who have had to compete with an ex and ended up feeling worthless knowing it's only a matter of time, please tell me how you coped. Love to you all and I really need you now x

Best advice I can give anyone competing for another person's love:

Never accept being second! Anyone in a relationship deserves to be respected and put first above past loves. If they aren't in the past, this person should not be in your present.

When you compete for someone, no one wins. It becomes a battle of winning, losing, power struggles, and control. We all have loves from our past and some remain strong in our hearts but we make a break for whatever reason. We make a choice. We choose to put those in the past and keep them there and move forward and give respect to those in our lives now. If that is not what is happening, I believe the person is toxic to your self-esteem. Hold your head up, knowing you deserve to be put first in a relationship, respected and loved for who you are. Being of good strong character and having self-respect, will give you more peace in your life than having someone in your life for whom you always feel distrust. Easy words to type, difficult choices to make. My best to you in your decisions.