[confused1120]

Well I'm not sure that this is such a common problem but when having sex my girlfriend orgasms before me about 90% of the time. That's not the problem however the problem is that after she orgasms she stops the sex saying that it feels uncomfortable to keep going after she orgasms this can be quite frustrating for me as she doesn't like to give oral and has never offered to do that when she orgasms first so I am left frustrated and unable to enjoy the sex any advice would be welcome.

[Stac33]

Gosh I'd consider myself lucky. You must REALLY turn her on. Maybe she could perform oral on you until you are really close and then you could switch over to sex? Then maybe you could have an orgasm at the same time. Usually it's the girl complaining that her man cums too soon. She needs to try to be more understanding and if you guys keep going until you make it there she may have multiple orgasms. There is nothing wrong with that.

[excon]

Hello confused:

She's faking it. Dump her.

excon

[confused1120]

She's told me before that she dislikes giving oral and she only done it with me a couple of times which I didn't reall enjoy as I could tell she didn't like doing it.

[excon]

Hello again, confused:

Look, I'm not telling you this out of the blue. I HAD a chick exactly like that. She didn't like sex. I don't know what her problem was, but it was clear that she enjoyed NONE of it - just like your girlfriend. Oh, she said she did. She gave a moan or two and then asked me to take it out. What??

excon

[Stac33]

shes told me before that she dislikes giving oral and she only done it with me a couple of times which i didnt reall enjoy as i could tell she didnt like doing it.

That's really too bad. I enjoy giving it as much as my husband enjoys receiving it I think. You'll have to decide if this sex thing is important to her at all. If you aren't sexually compatible that will just be hard on any relationship. She sounds like she needs to be more open if she doesn't like doing some things that you would like. Believe me, if she would just enjoy giving you oral you WOULD like it. Maybe she doesn't know how so she's insecure?

[mseik]

Women are physically capable of having nearly unlimited back-to-back multiple orgasms. Of course, not all do. However, some women become hypersensitive to touch after they orgasm, and--not knowing your girlfriend or all the other stuff only you and she would know--I wonder if this might be a possibility. If this were the case, she would feel a compelling need to stop stimulation as the sensation would be too intense. Just as many men experience hypersensitivity to touch after orgasm, so do women.

The good news is that subsequent orgasms tend to take longer to achieve, so once that sensitivity has died down and you can touch her again, that second orgasm would probably be the one you'd want to have actual intercourse with.

In other words, if you can bring her to her first orgasm without intercourse, wait for her sensitivity to subside, get her aroused again and then have intercourse during the longer period it will likely take her to reach her second orgasm, that is a distinct possible solution.

If, on the other hand, you suspect she is faking just to end the sexual interaction, then that's a whole other realm, one that only you can determine and work out--or not--depending on what the two of you decide.

[Fr_Chuck]

I have to agree with excon somewhat on this one, her stoping after one orgasms is just strange, While she may be hypersensitive. But things do sound a little strange

[Choux]

I don't think she likes the way you act in the sack... she doesn't want to be bothered with you at all!

Time to have an honest discussion with her... what's the real story??

[confused1120]

I understand why you guys think she is faking it however she often initiates sex and says she enjoys it so I have my doubts as to that being the reason.

[Robibango]

You are a very lucky man. Ladies like that one only have to be taught the right way. Always keep her into the moods and by the time you reach orgasm if you continue having sex she will probably have had twenty times and be sure she may never run away from you.

[mseik]

I understand why you guys think she is faking it however she often initiates sex and says she enjoys it so i have my doubts as to that being the reason.

Hi Confused,

As I mentioned in my last post, you might try--through direct and honest communication with your partner--finding a solution by exploring the possibility of multiple orgasm.

Find out how long it takes after her first orgasm for her to not be so sensitive and go from there.

Many women's orgasms are different depending on the stimulation... penetration, direct stimulation of the clitoris, "g-spot" orgasm... and the response may be different for her as well. Why not find out? Do some exploration.

Finding ways around this issue is going to take time, creativity, and effort on both your parts, but that could be half the fun!

[talaniman]

She is through before you huh? Be creative, she has hands, and breasts, try them both. Matter of fact, knees, thighs and buttocks should be tried also.

[Ash123]

Problem: Girl orgasms first.

Solutions:

-Since she's so orgasmic you can enjoy exploring and know it will always result in fireworks when you choose. See what does not make her orgasm. And linger over it.

-Also, you can reach orgasm via her breasts, or manually.

-If she has an orgasm, try holding inside her but not moving - then slowly begin to move.

-She may need a little lube after orgasm. So, let her know you will help with that too.

Enjoy and report back.

[kp2171]

So she could be faking or not.

Does she orgasm first in all positions... for ex, you from behind doesn't stim the cl!toris so much so unless she is just super wired to have "vaginal" orgasms, and most women I've known aren't, it can prolong sex, perhaps.

Bonus... if you take this approach and she reaches under to self stim, you KNOW she's interested and she's racing you to the finish line.

This simply isn't a common problem. I dated one girl in my life who could always, almost, get off before me... this happened in part because I held back, and also she was just flat out sensitive. I've been with no other woman who could take such strong, direct cl!toral stimulation and get off.

So with her, howd I know she wasn't faking?

Well, for one, she hated it when I came first... not mentally, just physically... messy if no condom, shed not want to continue for the mess, but be ticked she didn't get her fix.

Second, like I said she could take strong, direct cl!toral stim... which usually mean rubbing with a wet finger with more pressure than most women could take. If I didn't do it right or at the pace she wanted, shed more that be willing to finish the job while I was still in her.

Finally, I just know that sex with this girl was important. She wouldn't put up with not getting off with a guy... unfortunately, the last time I was with her I found out shed called me for a "booty call" after shed been sneaking around behind my back. Things didn't go well with the other guy so she called me up to suddenly come over and spend the night. Great sex. Next morning while she's in the shower I figure out what happened. Being used for sex, in that case, sucked rocks. Her stuff was on the porch within the hour.

Getting off topic a bit?

So in this relationship I was mack-daddy-king-of-the-bedroom. I could do no wrong. No other girls were like that, and most were a LOT more work.

So it does happen that you can get a woman whose super sensitive, but I still think I could race her to the line most of the time.

Anyway, what about sexual positions that stim her less? What positions do you do most? Her on top? Missionary?

[kp2171]

confused1120 agrees: different sexual positions could be a good option usually she is on top and she stimulates her self getting me to stimulate her occasionally

Well if that's the case then I think she might very well be having orgasms... girl on top places pressure against her cl!toris/pubic bone and allows her to drive the sensations more. My partner would probably always chose this position if the goal was simply to get off "hands free" couple that with her willingness to self stim and her initiating sex gladly, she's probably getting there.

The bad news is this doesn't solve your problem completely. Seeing who can rush to get an orgasm first isn't really healthy sex. Yes, sensitivity after an orgasm can make it uncomfortable... so what do you do?

Well if you are using a condom you don't have to worry about a "mess", but you still probably want her to be satisfied sexually, right? Especially if she can get off so easily... she's not going to settle for nothing. And you may need a refractory period after orgasm before you can get her there.

So id still think about different positions, and you can try two angles... you get off first and then her, or you get her off first and then you... the third, both together could even happen if you give her "notice" that you are about to.

I've personally always thought girl first is best. Much of the time oral first if intercourse doesn't do the job. So see if she's willing to do one of a few things...

She gets off first in whatever position she wants. Then you switch to a position, like from behind, that doesn't stim the cl!toris directly. If she's too sensitive can going slower get you through it... or waiting just a minute or two after hers before you start... if you can get her to have a multiple, shell probably be more than glad to try some things out.

Or have her hold back on the front side... ask her to wait to self stimulate until you think you are really close, then let her chase you to the end. Most of the time when I've hit orgasm at the same time as my partner, its like this. She hangs close and then chases you down. Sometimes its been reversed... but with a person who can take strong stimulation, she might have no problem getting there.

Hope she's willing to work it out so you both enjoy the experience to the fullest.

[mseik]

I'm going to weigh in here one last time in hopes it will make things a little less confusing/more clear... or I'll just make it worse!

The majority of women (but not all) have an involuntary "gripping" action when they orgasm. It feels like a pulsing or mild spasm, just as men have when they orgasm. What's actually happening is that the cervix is "dipping" into the recently-deposited sperm via muscle contraction to help the sperm reach its destination. This is often not felt by men because they're already engorged and the action may be too subtle. You can, however, usually feel it with your fingers.

Remember that direct clitoral stimulation is far more intense in terms of tolerance than g-spot, vaginal, or other orgasmic stimulation. Women are less likely to recovery as quickly, or to tolerate post-orgasmic touch as quickly, from direct clitoral stimulation.

The myth that you can desensitize the clitoris through vibrators and over-stimulation is a myth. If you'd like to read a fun book, I recommend Great Sex: A Man's Guide to the Secret Principals of Total Body Sex by Michael Castleman.

Enjoy!

[talaniman]

As men we are taught to hold back, so the female can be satisfied, so can the reverse be true in this case? I would have a serious conversation. Any one who is unwilling to please there partner, opens the gates to some big resentments.

[simoneaugie]

She may be suffering from hypersensitivity. Talking to her about it, while you are still both dressed may be revealing. But I tend to agree with the guys here. Something odd is going on. Most women would dump a guy if he did that repeatedly. When a girl does it... who's to say she isn't faking it? And why?