Check out some similar questions!

txlonglegs_69 · Nov 28, 2007, 11:45 PM

My wife has left me and wants a divorce. She now has an apartment and is coming in to the house and getting her belongings. Which I agree on her getting her personal things. However can she just come in get what she wants when I am not here? I am not sure if she will gather up everything and leave me with nothing. Can the locks be changed? She is has left me. I reside in Texas. She says she will file for the divorce. I don't want the divorce due to it is a sin unless she is had an affair. She has told me she will file. Need to know my rights to the belongings of the house. She also said that she doesn't want the house. So I can keep it. She can't afford it as it is. Please help

charlotte234s · Nov 29, 2007, 12:02 AM

Until a LEGALLY BINDING settlement is agreed to, she has full access to the home and belongings, and if you lock her out, she can press charges. Just because she no longer stays there does not mean she isn't entitled to the belongings or the apartment, it is half hers through marriage. Since she said she doesn't want it, it means that when the divorce is final, she doesn't care of you keep it.

Why do you not want to divorce? Obviously the marriage is unhappy. I don't think God wants people to live unhappily for their whole lives. Just my opinion though.

oneguyinohio · Nov 29, 2007, 12:24 AM

You need an attorney! Also, if the house is in both of your names, I think she has every right to do as she pleases. I know of one woman who smashed everything she did not take and the guy couldn't do squat. If she has told you that she wants a divorce, you have every right to file first even if you do not want the divorce, but to protect yourself financially... she left the house, but that doesn't mean that you will get off without having to pay her for her half of it... whatever equity there may be... your state may let you site irreconsilable differences, or an annullment if there are no kids... I believe she can even come in if you change the locks if the house is still in her name as joint property until you file and get some protection...

Perhaps an attorney can better advise you on what to file to restrict her from the house in your absence. As far as divorce being a sin, you can interpret the bible any way you please, but if you have ever told even a little white lie to make someone feel better... then that too would be a sin. Is one sin worse than another? Someone once told me that a person can go to hell for lying just the same as anything else. I think there are a lot of misconceptions about divorce and marriage. Many years ago, back in biblical times, there was no legal record of marriages or divorce. Today's marriage and divorce documents are money making instruments used by the legal and governing institutions as instruments to generate revenue. If our society wants separation of church and state, why not believe that what you do in our legal system does not impact the religious portion of your life.
You can also look at it as though you are honoring your marriage which was a commitment between you, your wife, and God until death do you part. Well, the death of that commitment has taken place and therefore the marriage has also died. All of the paperwork is totally separate from that, and is only a requirement of the state.

charlotte234s · Nov 29, 2007, 06:51 AM

Sorry, she has the legal right to her things and to come and go as she pleases.

Giving poor reputation just because you feel differently about an answer, when it was not offensive or meant to be rude, and did not give improper information is abuse of the rating system and will get you in trouble, so don't do that.

Ew, besides, I thought newbies, because they abuse the rating system so much, were only allowed to give neutral reputation points. What the heck?

ScottGem · Nov 29, 2007, 06:58 AM

Comments on this post

txlonglegs_69 disagrees: I just disagree on the grounds that she has left me I have to have rights of some kind

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

You may not have liked Charlotte's answer, but its still the correct one. Until a spearation or divorce agreement is in place she has access to the marital home. So you need to consult an attorney as to what your rights are.

charlotte234s · Nov 29, 2007, 07:02 AM

Thanks scottgem.

NowWhat · Nov 29, 2007, 07:30 AM

Okay, I am just going to start by saying that I do not know the legal side of this, but...

I would change the locks. Allow her to come and get her things as long as you are there.
Obviously, you aren't getting along, or you wouldn't be getting a divorce. Who's to say she won't come in and either take everything or destroy what she doesn't want.

This may be a legally incorrect answer, but I would protect yourself.

ScottGem · Nov 29, 2007, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by NowWhat

Okay, I am just going to start by saying that I do not know the legal side of this, but....

I would change the locks. Allow her to come and get her things as long as you are there.
Obviously, you aren't getting along, or you wouldn't be getting a divorce. Who's to say she won't come in and either take everything or destroy what she doesn't want.

This may be a legally incorrect answer, but I would protect yourself.

I'm sorry, but you should not be posting a legally incorrect answer. If he were to change the locks knowing that his wife was looking to pick up her things, he could be damaging his side in the divorce. This could have serious ramifications. The CORRECT way to protect himself is to take a FULL inventory of EVERYTHING in the house, with indications of what belongs to the wife, what belongs to him and what may be jointly held. Then, if the wife takes anything other than her possessions, he has a record of them. Another CORRECT way to deal with this is to consult an attorney who can advise what else he can do to protect his rights. This could involve filing a court order restraining the wife from entering the home without him present. In such a case he might be able to legally change the locks at that point.

But to advise someone to do something that could come back to haunt them is NOT helpful advice.

NowWhat · Nov 29, 2007, 08:12 AM

Actually it depends on what state you live in. In some states, you can change the locks once a spouse has moved out and expressed that they will not return.
So, depending on what state this person lives in, it could be very legal to change the locks. Because the property could stop being community property once the couple is separated.

charlotte234s · Nov 29, 2007, 08:13 AM

Basically, she has the same rights as you have.

1) access to the house at all times, come and go as you please
2) ability to do with what you please items that are 100% legally yours
3) access to and use of all items jointly owned as a married couple.

charlotte234s · Nov 29, 2007, 08:14 AM

It stops being joint property when they are LEGALLY separated, and as far as this person si concerned, he doesn't want a divorce, so there's no legal anything happening, she has just moved away, and she said she doesn't want to live there or own the home itself, but she obviously is returning to get her things.

NowWhat · Nov 29, 2007, 08:18 AM

That is debatable in some states. In some states, community property stops being "community" at the date of separation. That could mean, in some states, the date they decided to call it quits or the date of the breakdown. Which I would guess would be the day she moved out and signed a lease to where ever she lives now (which would be a documented date). Some states will look at the separation date as what is filed with the courts.
So, it would be nice to find out what state this person lives in.

charlotte234s · Nov 29, 2007, 08:21 AM

True, if that's the case, it may be that the husband has the right to change the locks, but, I doubt that is the case here.

I'm guessing the TX means this person lives in Texas.. and I looked up info about the law there... it says

Texas is a community property state, and living apart does not make property you acquire separate property. For example, your salary doesn't become your separate property until January 1st of the year in which you file for divorce. For more information about property division in a divorce, see Dividing Up Property in a Divorce: Community Property vs. Equitable Distribution.

Texas Divorce & Separation

There's the site.

ScottGem · Nov 29, 2007, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by NowWhat

Actually it depends on what state you live in. In some states, you can change the locks once a spouse has moved out and expressed that they will not return.

Please cite ANY law in any state that allows for this. From my experience a change of locks would only be allowed once a separation agreement is put into place.

NowWhat · Nov 29, 2007, 08:39 AM

3. Changing the Locks.
If you are going to remain in your residence and your spouse has voluntarily
moved out, without expressed intention of not returning or has been ordered to
move out, change the locks immediately upon his or her departure. Do this despite
the fact that your spouse may have personal effects in the house. Failure to heed
this advice may cause you embarrassment, loss of property, and other problems.

This is what I found from a Houston, Texas attorney's website. Recommending that locks be changed...

http://www.nicholslaw.com/CM/Article...ng-divorce.pdf

ScottGem · Nov 29, 2007, 08:47 AM

While that isn't a law, I'll accept it as advice from an experienced lawyer. I still think documentation is a better option especially if the OP doesn't want a divorce.

asking · Nov 29, 2007, 09:36 AM

I'd like to add something here. I agree with ScottGem about making a list of all your possessions.

But what's really bothering TxLongLegs is not knowing what she's planning to take. I would recommend that he engage her in a conversation about this to put his mind at ease. Do not argue with her about moving out, about the divorce, or anything else, as it won't change her mind to tell her she is sinning, etc. Save that for another, separate conversation.

Do tell her that you are upset about her coming in when you are gone and taking things-- BECAUSE you don't know if she's going to take your stuff or take things you think she should leave. Using the list you made (and which she can add to), work out an agreement about what is hers to take and what isn't. Then help her move that stuff out of the apartment, without acrimony. I know this will be incredibly hard for you right now, Tx, but it will solve this particular problem. I think you have a right to live in peace without wondering what's going to be missing every time you come home from work. This is a hard time for you and the extra stress is bad for you and, ultimately, for your wife as well.

Do not change the locks or escalate the conflict in other ways if you can help it.

If there are items that you can't agree on, make sure to list them and both sign the document saying you haven't agreed on them. You can work that out later, perhaps with a mediator. Whether she takes them or not, you'll have a record that you didn't agree for them to be gone (or she will), and you will perhaps be able to get things back. Or maybe she will come back. But right now you need to deal with your anxiety about your home being dismantled unilaterally. She will appreciate your reasonableness and it will make everything else easier.

Your being upset about this is totally understandable. Just focus on dealing with that right now. Good luck!
Asking