[beth911]

Well right now I'm 16 and he's 18. We've been together about 2 years now and we talked about marriage before when we started going out but now he gets mad if it gets brought up. He says he's 18 years old and he doesn't want to be thinking about getting married or anything like that. Will he ever want to?

[beth911]

Also... he like never wants to show that he cares much. Like he's afraid to hold hands and stuff

[beth911]

Its so hard for me to understand my boyfriend. I mean when he jokes, I don't know if he's joking or not. I don't even know if he loves me or not. And when I think about it and I look around and see how other guys are like my brother for example, it like they are the same way. I just have no idea how they REALLY feel about things and its like they hide it so good. But my friends who are all girls, or other females I can always sense if they don't really like me or whatever. I just wish I could tell about my boyfriend. But I cant, why is it like this?

[beth911]

My boyfriend almost never really shows it but he says its because of how he was raised. Even his friends call him a "cold hearted" person. Every now and then he shows it but its like he's afraid and I feel sorry for him and like no ones ever cared about him and that kind of seems true... but he doesn't want me to care about him either. I'm so confused... he says he tries to love me but he loves NO ONE. Is their anything I can do for him? Other times he says that he DOES love me

[simoneaugie]

my bf almost never really shows it but he says its because of how he was raised. even his friends call him a "cold hearted" person. every now and then he shows it but its like hes afraid and i feel sorry for him and like no ones ever cared about him and that kinda seems true.... but he doesnt want me to care about him either. im so confused.... he says he tries to love me but he loves NO ONE. Is their anything i can do for him? Other times he says that he DOES love me

You can be there for him and be a friend. His problem expressing how he feels is really bothering you though. He will have to work it out for himself. He has to want to! You can not fix it for him. If it is hurting you, tell him. Breaking up for while may make things clearer for both of you.

[cerisa]

He is playing a guy game it goes... "I am sooooo broken by life,I can not be counted on to give attention, affection, consideration to anyone else"
Rule#1 it is his game, he is the one getting the negative attention
Rule#2 he can at any time be all broken again
Rule#3 drinking and or drugs can be a big part of the game
Have fun with this one, do not expect a lot, you will not be disappointed

[beth911]

Well he quit drinking and drugs for me

[Fr_Chuck]

At 18 amd upi 16 normally it is not time to start talking about marrrigae, but dating and enjoying being together. In 3 or 4r years would be when you start talking marriage after you are out of school, he is out of college or at lest tech school and working on good job.

On the holding hands, some people show things more than others, due ot culture, you need to discuss that with him

[beth911]

When I talk to him about any of this he gets mad and he wond ever say why

[cerisa]

Beth give this relationship some time, you are both very young. You should never settle for less respect, attention and affection than a normal dating relationship though. He may just not know what to say, he needs to make the effort in any case. You don't need to be treated shabbily by a boyfriend.

[talaniman]

I think you are putting too much pressure on the guy to think about what he cannot even deal with at this point in life, and honestly your both to young at this point. If you know he is doesn't want to talk about marriage, drop it and have fun and let the future take care of itself. Your time will come, but its not now, and you cannot force it.

[thereisno4evr]

Guys do not show emotion as much as females do. It is considered unmanly and weak for a guy to show when they are hurting/upset. This is a belife that has been passed down through the generations and one that will probably continue to be passed down through to the generations to come.

Think about it, do you two have fun together? does he protect you? Does he want to hangout with you often? And so on...
If its yes to most of these sorts of questions then I believe he does love you

When he jokes, if he has a smile on his face, chances are he is joking.

[malic]

It's a guy thing. I know that doesn't really help but its true. If it makes you feel any better a lot of guy don't really understand girls. Like most of the time we don't know if girls are playing hard to get or just don't want to get caught, so when they say no we might still be thinking yes. I can always tell if some guy is mad or something, but that's mostly because if a guy shows an emotion other than "i don't care" most of the time it will be anger. Guys are stupid most of the time, but then again girls are too. Just in different ways.

[beth911]

I need a lot of help with everything that's going on. Theirs a lot and its so long of a story that I don't even know where to begin. We have been together for almost 2 years. I won't say the whole story because its way too long but I will tell you bits and pieces. Right now, he thinks I want his friend and I don't. So he's kida ignoring me. I only can talk to him at school and that's it. He wrote a note saying that he feels bad about leaving me but he doesn't want to be hurt anymore. There is nothing that anyone can say or do to get me to change my mind... I already know that no matter what and even if I want to I will not give up on trying to keep us together. Even if I Want to give up on it I won't. I just need some help on trying to get him to understand that I really do love him and I don't want anyone else and I don't want him to be hurt but I want to stay with him forever. I want him to know that I want things between us to be better than they ever were before and us to try to have fun together and get along better and not be misserable together because we both do love each other and we both don't like hurting each other and going throgh this but some how this is how it is... I tried writing all this to him in a note but he said that one of his friends took it from him and that he never got it back. I told him to try to call me if he can and he said he would but he never did, then again he really isn't aloud to so maybe that's why... I tried giving him another note and he said "i'l just lose it" so I ended up keeping it and he never read it. I told him to call me then and that was yesterday. So far he hasn't called. He said he would try though. And when I try to talk to him, he acts like he doesn't know me. I think that since he hasn't read that note he may still think that I want his friend and not him so he may be confused as to why I am talking to him. The day before yesterday, I told him in person that I want him and everything, then we kind of talked for like 10 seconds but then later I went back up to him and he just seemed mad again. This was right before we got out of school that day and then he just kind of walked away from me. The only time he talks to me is when I go up to him and he doesn't really say anything. But he sits next to me in 2 classes and in the 2nd one that we have together, he kept looking at me like he was trying to get my attention and then I kind of looked at him and then looked away and he just said "dont look at me like that"
But I don't know what to do.,. I mean from what I said, do you think if I wait, he will seee I'm not even talking to his friend and start to come back to me? Should I keep trying to talk or wait a little while before I say more to him? What's the best way to get him to come to me?
And he thinks I want his friend because of something that happened a few weeks ago... He said he was talking to anoither girl and was going to leave me for her so I lied and said I wanted his friend and then he said he was just joking about her then he said it wasn't a lie and I don't know what to believe their because he makes things up sometimes to try to make me mad or see what I would do . But then I noticed him ignoring me so I told him that if he didn't want me to give to his friend because I was mad about eveything he told me about that other girl and when all thart was going on he said he didn't want me anymore so he was going to give to his friend. That all made me mad when I was only thinking about it so I said that to him but only becayse of everything he said to me.


I may have giving you somewhat the wrong idea or not enough info on this because its such along story but I tried to make it short.
But basiccaly I want to know how I can get him to talk to me

[J_9]

Wow, Beth, to tell the truth, this post was kind of hard to read. Proper paragraphs and punctuation make it so much easier.

Now, is this the same guy that was drinking and doing drugs?

Hun, you can't make anyone do something they are not willing to do. You can't make him want you.

This post was all about what YOU want... "I want him to know..." Even if I want to give up I won't... " etc.

Relationships are not all about what you want, but what is best for both of you. Right now he does not want to be in a relationship with you, and there is nothing you can do to change his mind. Don't even try. Because if you do, and you succeed, he will harbor resentment or mistrust.

It is very obvious that this is not a healthy relationship and that you need to let him have his space and you have your own space. Lying to a partner is never a wise decision and will ALWAYS backfire.

[beth911]

That's it? I don't get like any real good help? Anyone who understands and knows exactly what to do? I mean, OK, if I want us to dtay toegther but he doesn't, what do we do? He wanted us to stay together before but now its like he thinks I just want to hurt him and I don't. And I know part of him still wants to stay with me..,.
This is the only time he has ever wanted to leave and wasn't mad but usually I talk him into staying. Now, its gettign harder because I think maybe just maybe I really could live without him but I don't know. I lost all my feelings. But I still see it like he's always going to be their with me. Its like this time I'm just not trying as hard. \



Also... I don't believe in god. But I preayed to god anyway to dream out all the answers to everything that will happen so I know what to do... that night I had a dream he changed and was a lot better towards me... he keeps talking to this girl at my school. They seem to just argue a lot in a joking way. But I had another dream a few nights later that he liked her

[Wondergirl]

There can be no "good help" from us if he doesn't want to be with you. It's his decision, not ours.

Why do you think part of him wants to stay with you? I don't get that feeling at all from what you wrote. I say move on.

[beth911]

I know part of him wants to stay because of what he said when he wrote me. He said he didn't want to be hurt anymore and he felt bad about leaving me but he hopes that everything works out with me and his friend.. . I don't want his friend though and I can't get the chance to teel him that... I know if we could talk about it it would chang

[beth911]

N I notice he really does seem 2 look reaaly sad lately and I've never seen him that way before

[Wondergirl]

I know you, don't I.

If you talk about it, it would change because you would make him feel guilty?