[anneli769]

I've been dating this wonderful guy for 2 wees now.. OK, I have had the problem of jealousy with all my previous boyfriens.. I question every little thing they do and when they answer me, I don't believe them.. what can I do to stop being paranoid? Every time when he picks up his phone I think: what if he is busy to sms other girls or what if he is dating them also behind my back? It's driving me crazy! I like this guy a whole lot and I don't want to drive him away from me.. if someone could please give me some advice on it, I would appreciate it a lot!

[anneli769]

Just wondering if a girl has been dating a guy for a month and a week now and he hasn't asked her to be his girlfriend yet, should she see red lights?

[talaniman]

No, you should just have fun getting to know each other, unless you're a teen ager in school. Then you should ask him what's up. He might already think you're his g/f.

[anneli769]

Thanks Talaniman.. I am 23 and he is 25.. Was just wondering if he was playing around with me. I got hurt a few times before and is scared that it would happen again. Maybe I am just paranoid.

[lmnotok]

Hey, get rid of your fear, the guy is brand new, there's no clue of him hurting you so don't let that happen. Just enjoy dating.

Don't rush things, the slower it is, the more stable it may be in the future (if it becomes a relationship). Just let him be himself, he'll ask when the time is right. Have some faith!

[anneli769]

Hi guys! Just an update quickly! Yesterday night one of his friends phoned him while he was visiting me and he told the guy that he was with one of his friends..? So am I now a friend with benefits? Please help me guys, because if he is just playing around I don't want to be with him anymore.. should I ask him what's up, but I'm scared I would chase him away!

[jiltedgirl]

Just give it some more time. I remember when I started seeing someone, and someone called his cell, he told his friend he was "with a friend." Much later, he was introducing me and talking about me as his girlfriend. I remember because upon hearing him call me that publicly, I choked on my drink.

If it's been a few months and you two are still seeing each other, then you can bring up the girlfriend-boyfriend issue. Otherwise, you can end up chasing him away by trying to rush the relationship (which I have also already done.)

My advice is to take things steady.

Good luck! :)

[talaniman]

Forget your fear of chasing him away, get the facts before you trip out. A nice calm conversation is all you need as with out communications your only going to assume the worse, and that's no good.

[epiphany]

I'm 32 and my BF is 29.. he didn't use the term GF until the 5 month mark. Up until that point we told everyone we were dating. We and others knew we were just dating each other exclusively, but neither of us saw the rush on putting a name on it. It really isn't a big deal unless you make it one AND a little over a month is not a lot of time to put anything on lock down yet.

Take your time and it will happen.

[anneli769]

Hey guys! So, we went to one of his friend's wedding this weekend and he got real drunk. He left me at the table and stood at the bar almost the whole night. Once in a while he would come to the table and say hi and then go back to the bar. He got drunk with his rugby friends and even had a few shooters with some other girl... That night I decided that's it! I don't care how drunk he was, I just told him that if he is interested in being young and enjoying his life as a single guy, he must tell me, because I am not interested in getting hurt. So he told me that he wouldn't have vissited me so much if he didn't think I was nice. And he said his friens also thinks I am nice that's why he is still visiting me. Ok, so that was no answer to my question. Anyway, after the weekend I haven't seen him since... So, I think I probably gave him a fright!

[Grayfox]

I have no idea what your relationship was like, but it sounds like he might have been trying to get the milk for free and the second you bring up commitment he disappeared. This could just be what it looks like, I doubt you gave him a fright, its also possible that he's upset about what you said and is trying to figure out what he wants to do. I would really be careful with this guy, don't let him sweet talk you too much. If you wan to be official then make that clear, ask him what he wants and he needs to be clear as well. Saying someone is nice doesn't sound like much of a basis to date to me. Just be careful.

[talaniman]

Relationships are define by how well partners work together through communications, to solve their issues.

No communications= No relationship!

[anneli769]

Hey guys! So after 4 months he still hasn't asked me out. I desided that I have to speak with him. We had a nice chat and he said that we are definitely more than friends and that we are officially a couple. I was so glad because I am really crazy about this guy. So, it went well for about 3 weeks, except that I saw him like 3 times a week and that's only the evenings and he sms'ed me like 2 or 3 times the whole week. The weekend of valentines he had to go away for a small meeting. The meeting was on Friday night and the next day, that is valentines day, he watched rugby. He only came back Sunday night. I sent him a sms saying that I was very unhappy that he went away that weekend, it was after all valentines and it was our first. I also said that we needed to talk, because I give my all and he only gives half for this relationship. So we spoke when he came back and he said that he think I'm a very nice girl, intelligent, pretty and he has loads of respect for me. He said that he doesn't think he's ready to commit in a relationship. He was single for 5 years. He thought that he will get better but he didn't. He said that he doesn't want to hurt me and that I have a very special place in his heart. I'm so heartbroken now. I was absolutely crazy about him and now he's gone! I don't know what to think or do. He said he's also heartsore! But why?

[talaniman]

You both were on different pages, and you were way more emotionally invested than he was. When that happens you back away.

[anneli769]

Thanks tal! It just hurts so bad. He also said that he has a very responsible job and it takes lots of his time. He said that he doesn't want to hurt me. He said he can't go on with something he is not 100% committed to. He said that its all his fault and that there's nothing wroong with me. I just can't help wondering if maybe it was because of that sms I sent him while he was away on valentines weekend. And the worst part of it all is that my friends typed that text message for him.. I didn't want to send it, but they thought it was the best thing to do. I told him it wasn't me. At first he was a bit angry then he told me that something told him that it couldn't be me that wrote that sms, because I was never that nasty..

[Romefalls19]

At least he was honest, sucks it turned out this way but I give him credit for owning up to it and allowing you to go free and find someone who is more invested

[talaniman]

Keeping others out of your business is a good thing to do, no matter how well intentioned they think they are.

[anneli769]

Ok, so I have been dating this guy for 4 months now, he's an absolute honey! And I think I have messed everything up. The past month we have been fighting almost every weekend because I can't control my jealousy. If he just speaks to his ex on the phone I freak out! Last weekend we saw his ex girl's mother. We were there with other people and he stood up and greeted her. They stood there for a while talking, I tried my best to hear what they were saying. The women asked him how it was going with our relationship and he told her that he was not sure if it was going to work between us, and I don't blame him because I fight all the time! So she asked him if he didn't want to take her daughter back and he said they tried and it didn't work he will always love her and will always want to know how it was going with her, but they were done. So I totally freaked out because he was so negative about our relationship and that he still loved his ex. We decided the night before that I was going to try to trust him and that we would try our best to make it work. That is why I freaked out, because I totally love him and want to try but when I hear stuff like that, why should I even try! I know I am jealous and I should work on it but how? Can anyone just tell me if I should go see someone?

[ilovemison]

I used to have the same problem with jealousy, I learned the hard way though.

The more you drive him away by accusing him of cheating, its more the reason for him to go off and do it because he'll just think in the back of his head she already thinks I am cheating so what's wrong with it if she is always saying I am,

You need to try and set aside things like that, and trust him. If he is with you than by all means honey he is with you and not with anyone else. Its been 4 months now that he's put up with the jealousy and that right there should show you he cares, if he didn't care about you and didn't care for trying to get you to trust him he would have left you long ago, get what I'm saying?

And your right for him to be upset with your relationship because to many arguments is not healthy for a relationship.

I hope you two work out though and can get through this. I've been with my b/f for 3 years now he was my first and we have a son together, we have been through hell. As long as the two of you can work with each other and talk to one another about things and what might peek your jealousy maybe things can get better. :)

[I wish]

What you need is professional help to boost your self-esteem and confidence.

I suggest that you spend time working on yourself. Consider seeing a therapist or counsellor before you worry about jealousy.