[jealous_girl]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now. Everything has always been great between us, as we have so much in common and always have a laugh, even in the most common situations.

True, we've had our share of problems because I lied about my past, and he dissaproves of it (even though I didn't know him when I was with other guys, etc.). But even with those issues, we have always had great times, most of the time our relationship is great and very fun...

... except that yesterday my boyfriend came to my place, and things were not really fun. He was very quiet and we didn't talk much. When he left, he said he didn't have such a great time, that he didn'nt even feel like coming but he did anyway so I wouldn't get mad. I asked him if he was bored with me and he said no, that maybe we need to break the routine. That he loves me. He tried to reassure me, but I felt it was more like an obligation to him so I wouldn't be upset.

Today, he IMed me. We started talking about that same topic. He said he's bored with me. I told him we should break up then, so he's free to do whatever he wants. He said he wants to be with me and that he loves me. I asked him if he's starting to fall out of love, he said he doesn't think so. He said he's bored, he doesn't know specifically why, but it's a feeling of dissatisfaction. He doesn't want to see me this week. He's busy with school, but still... he has 3 tests this week, but before, even when he was busy he'd try to make time to see me! He says it'll probably pass, but come on, he's so cold and distant that he's probably just saying that!

Will this pass, is it normal? Should I just break up with him? I'm so hurt by all this, because it seem as if he doesn't care about not seeing me, he seems fine with it, what should I do? And why doesn't he want to break up if he's bored?

[enigmagnetic]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now. Everything has always been great between us, as we have so much in common and always have a laugh, even in the most common situations.

True, we've had our share of problems because I lied about my past, and he dissaproves of it (even though I didn't know him when I was with other guys, etc.). But even with those issues, we have always had great times, most of the time our relationship is great and very fun...

... except that yesterday my bf came to my place, and things were not really fun. He was very quiet and we didn't talk much. When he left, he said he didn't have such a great time, that he didn'nt even feel like coming but he did anyway so I wouldn't get mad. I asked him if he was bored with me and he said no, that maybe we need to break the routine. That he loves me. He tried to reassure me, but I felt it was more like an obligation to him so I wouldn't be upset.

Today, he IMed me. We started talking about that same topic. He said he's bored with me. I told him we should break up then, so he's free to do whatever he wants. He said he wants to be with me and that he loves me. I asked him if he's starting to fall out of love, he said he doesn't think so. He said he's bored, he doesn't know specifically why, but it's a feeling of dissatisfaction. He doesn't wanna see me this week. He's busy with school, but still... he has 3 tests this week, but before, even when he was busy he'd try to make time to see me! He says it'll probably pass, but come on, he's so cold and distant that he's probably just saying that!

Will this pass, is it normal? Should I just break up with him? I'm so hurt by all this, because it seem as if he doesn't care about not seeing me, he seems fine with it, what should I do? And why doesn't he wanna break up if he's bored?

It's very difficult to define normal. I think it's better to define what's good for you. Just reading your post once I know that you both need space. If he isn't sure why he is dissatisfied he needs time to think about it. These aren't things you should just brush to the side. Tell him you want a break. Just for a month while he and you think about the relationship. If he is cold and distant then let him be distant. Remember the adage if you love something let it go it if comes back to you it's yours? That has a lot of truth to it. Don't focus on whether it's you or him, it may have nothing to do with you. It's important that you take the right positions. Whether it will pass is hard to say, but you can't bet on one or the other. Just focus on making the right decision and sticking to it. Tell him you understand and that you care for him and that you will take a break from your relationship so you can reevaluate why you are with each other. He may be back within a week. He may not. But it will yield an answer. I think you understand that lying was a mistake. You never build a house of cards and expect it to hold up. That's what lies are, a house of cards. Always be yourself and never pretend you are someone else in a relationship because it will be a false relationship. Good luck.

[jealous_girl]

I don't know what's wrong... all this happened all of sudden, unless it's been happening for a longer time and he hasn't told me and has been acting like everything's OK.

I really love him and he says he loves me too... but I don't know, it makes me so sad, because we also used to talk about eventually living together, getting married, having kids, because we're each other's ideal... now I'm thinking maybe not.

Maybe we're too young. I don't know. I love him deeply. Is there anything I can do to lessen the pain of losing him? (If it happens... )

[emzeena]

Can I just ask how old you are? If you are like 14-17 it is extremely likely that you should/will split up as a guy at that age telling you he loves you but is bored with u is feeding you rubbish and is probably doing the dirty - however if your older the situation would be completely different

[jealous_girl]

I'm 19, he's 21... guess we're young anyway.

[emzeena]

I think you will probably find that he is a bit confused or something really small which he is not used too has annoyed him or something and because everything has been great he has found it difficult to react too. You also really do need to get to the source of his boredom - minor changes could solve it, but he isn't doing you any favours by not seeing you - maybe you should throw a long jesture and go to his house with something nice for him e.g. a present or even kinky undies haha treat him to something new - or if u feel too low to do this just try to talk to him, you deserve an explanation

[enigmagnetic]

i think you will probably find that he is a bit confused or something really small which he is not used too has annoyed him or something and because everything has been great he has found it difficult to react too. You also really do need to get to the source of his boredom - minor changes could solve it, but he isnt doing you any favours by not seeing you - maybe you should throw a long jesture and go to his house with something nice for him e.g. a present or even kinky undies haha treat him to something new - or if u feel too low to do this just try to talk to him, you deserve an explanation

It may be something minor but it is difficult for a relationship to last at your age. He is in college, he is learning about himself and learning about what the rest of his life will be like. He is changing by the minute. More than likely so are you. It is common for people to grow apart. Now there are cases where couples go through college together and stay in love and work things out. I think the best way to make sure a relationship is always exciting is for each person to always keep growing. The more hobbies, skill, education, and experiences you allow yourself to have the more you can give and the more exciting you are. It's called being well rounded. It seems you are focusing a lot on him, maybe it's time you focus more on yourself. I know this from experience. One little gesture may save the relationship but if there is a real problem there that is not addressed by actually analyzing and finding a solution, then it will come back. Basically it is merely placing a bandaid on a wound that requires stitches. I still stand by what I said.

[s_cianci]

I'd break up with him. He doesn't sound like he has much of a backbone. Frankly you don't need a man like that. He's being unfair to you and toying with your feelings. He probably feels that you need him and so thinks that he can get away with it. By standing up to him and ending it you'll put those ideas right out of his head.

[Wondergirl]

You both have lives apart from each other. Maybe there's been too much "togetherness" so that other pieces of his life have begun to suffer. And I know guys just can't keep the emotional stuff going. Guys seem to have to move and do and explore and be out and about. Girls are much more easily able to find contentment just "being".

It's like the recent thinking with girls and boys in the same school classroom. Boys have to move; girls sit still nicely. Boys have to be rough and tough; girls are sugar and spice. Boys are busy and in their own world; girls listen to the teacher and are right there on top of things. The conclusion is that only in the lowest grades should boys and girls be together in school. After that they should be in separate schools or at least in separate classrooms. I taught 3rd and 4th grades, and totally agree, especially about the differences in the genders.

So let your boyfriend be a boy and do stuff like boys do. Meanwhile, find things to do that will make you a more interesting person to him. That's probably why he was attracted to you, that he found you to be very interesting. Now that he knows you much better, there are no more surprises for him to discover. Give him some new surprises.

[T J luzzi]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now. Everything has always been great between us, as we have so much in common and always have a laugh, even in the most common situations.

True, we've had our share of problems because I lied about my past, and he dissaproves of it (even though I didn't know him when I was with other guys, etc.). But even with those issues, we have always had great times, most of the time our relationship is great and very fun...

... except that yesterday my bf came to my place, and things were not really fun. He was very quiet and we didn't talk much. When he left, he said he didn't have such a great time, that he didn'nt even feel like coming but he did anyway so I wouldn't get mad. I asked him if he was bored with me and he said no, that maybe we need to break the routine. That he loves me. He tried to reassure me, but I felt it was more like an obligation to him so I wouldn't be upset.

Today, he IMed me. We started talking about that same topic. He said he's bored with me. I told him we should break up then, so he's free to do whatever he wants. He said he wants to be with me and that he loves me. I asked him if he's starting to fall out of love, he said he doesn't think so. He said he's bored, he doesn't know specifically why, but it's a feeling of dissatisfaction. He doesn't wanna see me this week. He's busy with school, but still... he has 3 tests this week, but before, even when he was busy he'd try to make time to see me! He says it'll probably pass, but come on, he's so cold and distant that he's probably just saying that!

Will this pass, is it normal? Should I just break up with him? I'm so hurt by all this, because it seem as if he doesn't care about not seeing me, he seems fine with it, what should I do? And why doesn't he wanna break up if he's bored?

He won't end it because you will be the booty call babe, and the other honey is the current brag about to his buds and co-workers. Cut it off and find a new one.

[AbL6669]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now. Everything has always been great between us, as we have so much in common and always have a laugh, even in the most common situations.

True, we've had our share of problems because I lied about my past, and he dissaproves of it (even though I didn't know him when I was with other guys, etc.). But even with those issues, we have always had great times, most of the time our relationship is great and very fun...

... except that yesterday my bf came to my place, and things were not really fun. He was very quiet and we didn't talk much. When he left, he said he didn't have such a great time, that he didn'nt even feel like coming but he did anyway so I wouldn't get mad. I asked him if he was bored with me and he said no, that maybe we need to break the routine. That he loves me. He tried to reassure me, but I felt it was more like an obligation to him so I wouldn't be upset.

Today, he IMed me. We started talking about that same topic. He said he's bored with me. I told him we should break up then, so he's free to do whatever he wants. He said he wants to be with me and that he loves me. I asked him if he's starting to fall out of love, he said he doesn't think so. He said he's bored, he doesn't know specifically why, but it's a feeling of dissatisfaction. He doesn't wanna see me this week. He's busy with school, but still... he has 3 tests this week, but before, even when he was busy he'd try to make time to see me! He says it'll probably pass, but come on, he's so cold and distant that he's probably just saying that!

Will this pass, is it normal? Should I just break up with him? I'm so hurt by all this, because it seem as if he doesn't care about not seeing me, he seems fine with it, what should I do? And why doesn't he wanna break up if he's bored?

A breather time would be good for both of you.. You would see if it is not him that is bored but yourself, or you would both find that You are both everything you need in life. Use the time to think and explore other options. Imaging what it would be if you were with say the guy at the Bookkeeping place or what your life with him will be like in 5-10-20- years. And never be ashamed of your past they teach you what you want or don't want in a relationship.. Always have your 10 I wants in your partner where you alone can see it.

[holeinheart21]

The reason for his so called "boredom" is because he is 21 years old. It has nothing to do with whether it is a male or female. It has nothing to do with girls being sugar and spice and guys wanting to be rough and get dirty. I can see where some of those ideas are stemming from, but in today's society those don't justify the reason for his actions. Especially considering that more girls want to play rough and get dirty today, more than every before in society. The guy is 21 years old, in college, and he has a couple of things to to think about. In his mind, he is probably thinking to himself that he really enjoys the stability of the love in your relationship, and I would presume that he really does love you still. So the love is not the issue, but instead the thoughts that are tossing around in his head. He is thinking about how he is in a relationship in which he may be in for the rest of his life, which would mean that you are the last girl that he would ever be with. Now, you can't jump to conclusions and say that this is horrible and that you should leave him because of this. This is a normal part of the human process, in both males and females. If this wasn't the case, strip clubs wouldn't exist and people that are in relationships wouldn't go to dance clubs. We all love the stability of a relationship, and in many cases, this is what causes many of those break-ups, in which a person ends it, all of a sudden and out of the blue. People get so stuck in a relationship, and they don't want to give it up for many reasons. However, a part of their mind can only handle seeing so many cute girls/guys walking by or approaching them, without imagination taking over. Those that are sure of what they want, are able to suppress whatever thoughts may arouse. However, those who are still young or undecided as to whether they want to be settled down forever, have to think about the situation for a moment. This doesn't mean that a person loves you less, but actually, depending on how they react in this situation, can show you how much they really do love you.

He has been straight-forward with you so far, and unless you want to start assuming things, like some people have hinted on here, you have no reason to think that he is cheating on you. Your relationship was healthy for a year and three months and he was willing to overlook your dishonesty, so you really shouldn't even be considering breaking up with him. In all reality, from the time that you lied to him until now, you should have prepared yourself if the relationship did end. Sure, it's not really fair for him to hold that against you now, but how much in this world is really fair? So, you should realize that what you did will always be there as long as you are with him, and if you want to lessen pain, should he decide to end the relationship, take this time right now that he is figuring things out, and do things for yourself. Stay within reason though and be respectful to him, considering that he is being respectful to you.

Keep the lines of communication open between the two of you during this time though, but don't push the issue. I think he just needs some time to decide to get over the fear of being settled down for possible the rest of his younger years, if not his entire life.