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hanschaos · Nov 21, 2007, 03:52 PM

My ex (gf at the time) wanted 'space' or a break for about three to four weeks. Within the first week I was constantly txting her and emailing, in which case I would only get anger filled replies. So after a week she decided to break it off. I left her alone for awhile (she suggested a couple of weeks of n/c), but regularly see her around as we live near. Then after about 5 days I began txting again, and demanded to get my things back from her house. Now this has made her even more angry and says that it will take sometime until we become friends again. Every time I talk to her now, even that we are broken up, she gets furious. Is it worth sticking around?

Now, I would still like her back but the obsessive/pestering behaviour is getting to her even on a friends level.

Is it possible to fix this situation?

Thanks.

thisisjo · Nov 21, 2007, 04:29 PM

It happened to me last year and we got back together but a year on same guy similar break up. He gets stroppy with me and this time I just don't know?? I don't know but if you find out will you let me know?

s_cianci · Nov 21, 2007, 04:33 PM

It doesn't sound good to me. I think she's just trying to find a reason to break it off with you. I'd just collect my things, accept that it's over and move on.

hanschaos · Nov 21, 2007, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by thisisjo

it happened to me last year and we got back together but a year on same guy similar break up. he gets stroppy with me and this time i just dont know???i dont know but if you find out will you let me know??

Yea

Well she expected me to change that controllin' type behaviour, with that break... screwed it up in the break by constant txting/emailing and then began to screw it up just as friends by the same type of behaviour...

Then I heard she wasn't going to break it off with me if I had given her that space..?

needofhelp · Nov 21, 2007, 10:07 PM

"Those that get chased, runs."

hanschaos · Nov 22, 2007, 01:45 AM

Originally Posted by needofhelp

"Those that get chased, runs."

Very true. Damage is done.

simoneaugie · Nov 22, 2007, 04:19 AM

If the situation can be fixed, her cooperation is necessary. She asked you for some space. Respect her request. Find something to do other than obsess about her. Live your life, not hers and she'll come back to you if that is what is meant to happen.

hanschaos · Nov 22, 2007, 01:24 PM

Good call. Time to leave it until she contacts (as she has said)...

diya · Nov 23, 2007, 12:05 AM

As I have always said in my previous replies... the more u run after something, the more u lose it. Just nothing wrong with it, but harsh fact that it is. Please let go of certain things... more so relationships where fulfillment is achieved when both parties are in tandem. In your case, u seem to be more interested than she does... if she cares about you enough, she'll come around, trust me... or else this relationship would prove futile... Moreover, there's so much else to love than loving someone who is not reciprocating... isn't it?

hanschaos · Nov 23, 2007, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by diya

As I have always said in my previous replies.....the more u run after something, the more u lose it. Just nothing wrong with it, but harsh fact that it is. Please let go of certain things...more so relationships where fulfillment is achieved when both parties are in tandem. In your case, u seem to be more interested than she does....if she cares about you enough, she'll come around, trust me...or else this relationship would prove futile....Moreover, there's so much else to love than loving someone who is not reciprocating...isn't it?

Agreed. Best action in this case is just to leave things. I would just rather she wasn't scared of me of some sort, or believe I am obsessive. I am guessing that if I don't msn/email/txt whatever (and I haven't so far... ) I have much better chances of having her at least being civil with me... but who knows! Anyone else agree this is the right path to take?

Barbid · Nov 23, 2007, 11:54 PM

Originally Posted by hanschaos

my ex (gf at the time) wanted 'space' or a break for about three to four weeks. Within the first week I was constantly txting her and emailing, in which case I would only get anger filled replies. So after a week she decided to break it off. I left her alone for awhile (she suggested a couple of weeks of n/c), but regularily see her around as we live near. Then after about 5 days I began txting again, and demanded to get my things back from her house. Now this has made her even more angry and says that it will take sometime til we become friends again. Every time I talk to her now, even that we are broken up, she gets furious. is it worth sticking around?

Now, I would still like her back but the obsessive/pestering behaviour is getting to her even on a friends level.

Is it possible to fix this situation?

Thanks.

First of all, if she wanted space.. did you ask her if you could contact her during the 3-4 weeks? When she said she needed space, you should have waited to contact her.. at least a week and half. But don't smother her. You did that. You insecurity got the best of you. Give her space.. I know its hard to do. If she really wants to come back, she will.

hanschaos · Nov 24, 2007, 06:24 PM

^good advice. I have been following what I have read, and been keeping the no contact up for the last few days, it does get easier day by day.

when we last spoke, she told me to text her about concerts if they are on or something, however I am not sure if that is a good idea? Any opinions on this?

also she has said that if she is to see me in public, maybe on the train or whatever to work, she will sit next to me and talk to me? Should this be avoided? I have been clearing my head and making some progress, but if I see her I feel that my progress may be undone. However, I do not wish to be cold either.

thanks

Barbid · Nov 25, 2007, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by hanschaos

^good advice. i have been following what I have read, and been keeping the no contact up for the last few days, it does get easier day by day.

when we last spoke, she told me to txt her about concerts if they are on or something, however i am not sure if that is a good idea? any opinions on this?

also she has said that if she is to see me in public, maybe on the train or whatever to work, she will sit next to me and talk to me?? should this be avoided? i have been clearing my head and making some progress, but if I see her i feel that my progress may be undone. however, i do not wish to be cold either.

thanks

It sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. Avoid her. It seems that she is keeping you on a string. She feels that she can lead you to thinking that she will come back, therefore she dangles the idea of having you think she wants you to stay in contact with her. She is leading you on. Drop her like a bad habit.

hanschaos · Nov 25, 2007, 01:19 PM

Originally Posted by Barbid

It sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. Avoid her. It seems that she is keeping you on a string. She feels that she can lead you to thinking that she will come back, therefore she dangles the idea of having you think she wants you to stay in contact with her. She is leading you on. Drop her like a bad habit.

Agreed.

We have friends in common, so id' have to see her around. But you are right, she seems to be calling the shots. I'd like to handle this the right way from here onwards, what about for instance - she contacts me, is it necessary to reply? Also birthday is coming up, big event too, is it appropriate to contact here? Or if I am invited should I turn up? As she was a big part of my party... just trying to avoid being cold..?

enigmagnetic · Nov 25, 2007, 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by hanschaos

agreed. best action in this case is just to leave things. i would just rather she wasn't scared of me of some sort, or believe I am obsessive. i am guessing that if i dont' msn/email/txt whatever (and I haven't so far...) i have much better chances of having her atleast being civil with me... but who knows! Anyone else agree this is the right path to take?

In your situation it's the only path you can take if you want something positive to come out of this.

hanschaos · Nov 25, 2007, 10:22 PM

^yep and I have been sticking to that. Getting my own life on track etc.

we were in someways best friends before we went out... I guess things are different now. However I'm still not too clear on the whole birthday issue thing? Do not want to be rude?

holeinheart21 · Nov 25, 2007, 11:03 PM

Take the time to learn from this. You said that you had that controlling type of behavior, so she wanted a break. You continued with that behavior, and so she broke it off. Then you continued with the controlling behavior STILL. As you most recently posted, you need to take time and not contact her and try to learn not to be so controlling. If everything happens for a reason, providing you with the time to learn to adjust this, could be the reason for this all happening.

hanschaos · Nov 25, 2007, 11:52 PM

Originally Posted by holeinheart21

Take the time to learn from this. You said that you had that controlling type of behavior, so she wanted a break. You continued with that behavior, and so she broke it off. Then you continued with the controlling behavior STILL. As you most recently posted, you need to take time and not contact her and try to learn not to be so controlling. If everything happens for a reason, providing you with the time to learn to adjust this, could be the reason for this all happening.

I understand this. And agree. But what if I am PUT in a situation where I need to make a choice between being straight up or being rude? As the situations I have described...

holeinheart21 · Nov 26, 2007, 12:43 AM

The best way to handle it would be to take everything at arms length. Don't let anything get personal in any way, and if she is on the same train as you, a simple "hello" is all that needs to be said. You let her initiate the conversation, if at all. Don't waste your time going over to her. She is the one that said she wanted space, so she has it. If you do wind up talking, just keep it simple, and don't get on the topic of your relationship. That is in the past and it needs to stay there.

hanschaos · Nov 26, 2007, 12:56 AM

Originally Posted by holeinheart21

The best way to handle it would be to take everything at arms length. Don't let anything get personal in any way, and if she is on the same train as you, a simple "hello" is all that needs to be said. You let her initiate the conversation, if at all. Don't waste your time going over to her. She is the one that said she wanted space, so she has it. If you do wind up talking, just keep it simple, and dont get on the topic of your relationship. That is in the past and it needs to stay there.

Good advice, definitley something I will follow...

Birthday party wise, if I am invited do I decline or accept?