[asking]

and as of these past two weeks he looks at me in disgust every day.
Like,I cook huge meals for him in the evening and he hardly speaks to me, he gets up from the table and goes outside or stays really busy. . . he said he cannot touch me anymore.

I think hubby should take over the family cooking for the next 12 months. While he is cooking every night, you can use the time to go for a walk or go the gym and clear your head. Then you can come home to a home cooked high-fiber, low-cal meal with lots of fresh fruits and vegetables that he has lovingly prepared for you. If he doesn't know how to cook, this is the year for him to learn. Then you can wash the dishes together and talk about your days and he can start remembering that you are a person he married for love. If having you lose weight is his idea of a cool family project, he should help.

Am I fantasizing?
Asking

[RecCatholic]

Oh YoungGrayHair... you make me cry just reading your post. First of all, I will be your weight loss buddy. I need to lose weight, and my husband told me that I have to as well, but it's because I have epilepsy and it will help. As far as the affair... staying out late... losing weight himself... showering as soon as he gets home... comparing you to people you see on TV or in town... constantly "just talking" to a female friend... I have seen them all. When we had been married for 2 years my husband had a one night stand. It was with a woman (kid really) who I had let stay at my house because her old boyfriend beat her. Nice, huh? She worked with him. This next month we will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary. Do it. Snoop. Check his cell phone for messages... stop in at his work... track down his car. If he is really where he says he is then fine. If he is cheating on you and you find out, the first thing he will say is that you don't trust him and try to make it your fault. If that happens, then we will lose weight together so you can either patch up your marriage or look GOOD for the next guy! LOL

[love is abby]

Girl, if you don't leave him you ARE ruining your marriage. That isn't fair for him to be so judgemental.

[nicki143]

If he loved you he would love you as you are.
I have had eating disorders in the past and one thing I have learnt is love you for you and if you want to lose weight do it but do not do it for someone else

[Scottish2008]

I have been married for about 12 years , my husband has always had a problem with my weight. I have never been hugely overweight just a little pudgy.At one time I lost a lot of weight and got down to a size 4. I am now at the most i have ever weighed.180 size 12/14

See the thing is, for the past several years my husband has had a really big problem with my weight , and as of these past two weeks he looks at me in disgust every day.
Like,I cook huge meals for him in the evening and he hardly speaks to me, he gets up from the table and goes outside or stays really busy. I confronted him, halfway knowing his answers to my hurt.He said he cannot love me like I am , overwight , anymore.
He needs me to loose the fat i have gained over time, he said he cannot touch me anymore. I just dont know what to do any more. Ihave tried the atkins , south beach etc. lost and then gained it all back, now it seems i just rebell bad, i just need a weight loss buddy to help me get back to a size small and save my marriage.I love my husband and I dont want to put my child througha divorce, I really need some links to some really powerful weight loss pills or some thing.

My husband is 6'6 and has never had a weight problem.And he said either I loose weight or my marriage is over...please someone be my weight loss friend,buddy. someone i have to be accountable to and someone who can point me in the right directions.
TIA
Kaytie

OH MY GOD...
This is my first time reading this and I will say I am so discussed to what your husband said. I will say he is an A$$ Hole. Sorry for the bad language.
You know what... If you need a work out buddy then I will help. I will say that you should just leave him. It's people like that, that makes us men look bad. If you require any help like what to eat in a run of a day as well a work out program I will help. What ever you need I can get for you. Just say the word. I understand about keeping the relationship going and I feel like you are in a tough spot. But if you lose the weight you should rub it in he's face and do the same back to him. I would never say anything like that to my common law wife what so ever. If I felt that she was gaining weight I would do stuff with her to help her. I hope that this is not too late and I can help. So please get back to me. I willing to go all the way to help you lose weight. Just please get back to me.

[peggyhill]

Oh, honey I'm so sorry you are going through this. What your husband is doing is called verbal abuse. Telling someone that they're fat and could never make it on their own is abusive. He took TV away and now he wants to take internet away? Sounds like he wants to isolate you from any viewpoints except his own.

Losing weight to be healthy is good, but don't lose it for him. He doesn't deserve you at all. I think you should talk to a counselor, or someone. Maybe the people at your Weight Watchers group could give you some support right now. A size 12 sounds like a pretty average to me, honestly. It sounds like you are a wonderful wife, and it's so sad that this loser doesn't appreciate you. I think he is trying to make you feel bad about yourself because then he will be able to control and manipulate you even more. The abuse may not be physical now, but emotional and psychological abuse can be just as damaging to you.

You are a wonderful, beautiful, smart person. I think that if you want to go to college that's great! You should go for it. Would it be possible for you to get a part time job to save up some money in case you decide to leave him? That way you aren't under his control financially. What type of work would you enjoy doing?

[lovelesspa]

I agree with a lot I've read, it's unfair that he's stressing you out like this, If you want to lose weight do it for yourself. Smaller portions of foods, smarter food choices, and stop making the big meals to please him, tell him this is the new deal, we all eat healthy together! Stop trying so hard to please a man who seems so unhappy, look to your future and focus on how to make yourself happy. Exercise and small portions of foods will go along way to help you, it's really a matter of time and patience, if you cut out fast, fried, fatty, sugary snacks, salty foods.Cut out high fructose corn syrups and presweetened drinks, and instead drink lots of water. Eat lots of lean meats, fish, whole grains, instead of white flour products,cook with olive oil or the new healthier spreads, bake or broil your foods, steam or stir fry your veggies, eat fruits, yogurts, and low fat/skim dairy products. And exercise 30-60 minutes, even if it's just walking build yourself up to a mile a day 4-5 times a week.

[RecCatholic]

So what is going on with you now, YGH? I just read all of the past posts that I have missed and there has been a lot happening with you. If you want more information on how to spot a cheating hubby let me know... mine did it... if you want to talk about possibly leaving him I can help with that as well (I am a social worker/counselor and was one at a battered womens' shelter). I have been a stay at home mom for the past 3 years, and you were right to check into the community college about classes. Here at the workforce center there is a program for "displaces homemakers" more or less. They help people who have been out of the workforce for a while, mostly moms, get back in by training, getting special jobs, doing classes for free or at a reduced cost, etc. Just another thing to check into. Please let us know how you are doing.

[cozyk]

I have been married for about 12 years , my husband has always had a problem with my weight. I have never been hugely overweight just a little pudgy.At one time I lost a lot of weight and got down to a size 4. I am now at the most i have ever weighed.180 size 12/14

See the thing is, for the past several years my husband has had a really big problem with my weight , and as of these past two weeks he looks at me in disgust every day.
Like,I cook huge meals for him in the evening and he hardly speaks to me, he gets up from the table and goes outside or stays really busy. I confronted him, halfway knowing his answers to my hurt.He said he cannot love me like I am , overwight , anymore.
He needs me to loose the fat i have gained over time, he said he cannot touch me anymore. I just dont know what to do any more. Ihave tried the atkins , south beach etc. lost and then gained it all back, now it seems i just rebell bad, i just need a weight loss buddy to help me get back to a size small and save my marriage.I love my husband and I dont want to put my child througha divorce, I really need some links to some really powerful weight loss pills or some thing.

My husband is 6'6 and has never had a weight problem.And he said either I loose weight or my marriage is over...please someone be my weight loss friend,buddy. someone i have to be accountable to and someone who can point me in the right directions.
TIA
Kaytie

I say loose the weight OF the husband. Dump him, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00 . You should not have to jump through hoops to win his love and affection. If he puts this kind of condition on you or anyone he supposedly loves, he has MUCH BIGGER issues than you do. Loose the weight for your own satisfaction. THEN, the little devil in me says, flaunt it in his face. This is mean but HOW DARE he threaten you by holding the marriage over your head. He must think he is quite a catch. Geeeeezzzzzz!!

[cozyk]

I called a diet doctor this morning. I am scheduled to see her Friday.
I also am joining weight watchers and I am looking into going back to school.
I have been a stay home mom and wife, all these years,my husband did not want me to get a job,but he gives me a small allowance every two weeks$75.00.So plan to start saving some of that for an apartment I think.
We talked this morning, I told him I plan to leave and he said I could not make it without him.That I could not get a job anywhere.That no one would hire me ,That I have no where to go.I have been estranged from my family all this time, he really does not like for me to go anywhere or visit my family, they live 4 hours away, he says he does not want me driving by myself that far.
I have been spurred to do some digging, there is a program at the local college for people like myself,who have not been in the workforce for many years wanting to get a two year degree.
The only thing is , my husband makes way too much money for me to get any financial helps.I dont know for sure just what my next move may be , I think I will just think on things for a bit and see just what to do.
He did say that I could never make it without him.
So i guess if he was wanting our marriage to be over , then he lied.He thinks now i will leave and that has brought out this reaction,Should have said that a long time ago, called his BLUFF.Every thing has changed now, I feel like my life is changing and I dont like it,Im halfway scared.

I LOVE THIS I hope you went through with this. I'm just now reading all this on March 2. Every move he makes is to cut you down and you are rising up against this. Yipppeee!!

[bushg]

To the nice people that keep posting on this Younggrayhair has not signed on since December of 20007, most likely he took her computer away. Post #24
She did say that he threatened to, maybe he followed through. Hopefully this situation will make some person that is facing the same problem stop, think and get out.

[ladybug31]

Well I understand how you feel but I want to tell you that you are valuable and if you want to loose weight then do it for yourself after that dump his and go get someone else so he would know what he lossed and then he will regret it but don't worrry if he thinks that's more important then you then and the marriage then screw him but you know what goes around comes around.I hope you feel better and thigs get better God bless you and don't feel sad move on work out try to eat healthy like vegetables,salads,chicken,and stay away from fats and another thing theyres this diet called the cleveland diet youull loose 10 pounds in 3 days look it up on line and my aunts tried it and it worked for them but try to exercise to sign up to a gym or something.

[Becca1025]

That is exactly what happened with my parents marriage. My father is an a*shole. My mother has a thyroid problem and it is very hard for her to lose weight so he always told her all the time to lose weight. He even called her fat a*s at times. I rememer when my father told me to lose weight, I am 5'6 and when I was 14-15 I weighed 113 lbs. I looked sick and too thin. To him I was still fat. He tells my sister she is overweight all the time too. WHat your husband is doing is wrong. This is not a marriage. It's going to hurt you more if you stay with him rather then getting a divorce. Nobody should be treated that way no matter how they look or how much they weigh.

[kimarnoldjohnso]

I have been married for about 12 years , my husband has always had a problem with my weight. I have never been hugely overweight just a little pudgy.At one time I lost a lot of weight and got down to a size 4. I am now at the most i have ever weighed.180 size 12/14

See the thing is, for the past several years my husband has had a really big problem with my weight , and as of these past two weeks he looks at me in disgust every day.
Like,I cook huge meals for him in the evening and he hardly speaks to me, he gets up from the table and goes outside or stays really busy. I confronted him, halfway knowing his answers to my hurt.He said he cannot love me like I am , overwight , anymore.
He needs me to loose the fat i have gained over time, he said he cannot touch me anymore. I just dont know what to do any more. Ihave tried the atkins , south beach etc. lost and then gained it all back, now it seems i just rebell bad, i just need a weight loss buddy to help me get back to a size small and save my marriage.I love my husband and I dont want to put my child througha divorce, I really need some links to some really powerful weight loss pills or some thing.

My husband is 6'6 and has never had a weight problem.And he said either I loose weight or my marriage is over...please someone be my weight loss friend,buddy. someone i have to be accountable to and someone who can point me in the right directions.
TIA
Kaytie

To me seems very selfish. I would try making him jealous by letting him know many men prefer a woman that is pleasingly plump (me included).

[ChristianRS]

People have to realize that men and women work totally different when it comes to sex... MOST men focus on the physical... whether they like blondes, brunnetts, whatever... where women USUALLY focus on whether the guy is a good guy, good provider, personality, how they make them feel, family, etc... it's a very different world... it's the way men's brains are wired, certain physical features turns us on, and we can love you with all our hearts, but our brains will not allow us to get sexually excited and get a girl pregnant that is not fit to carry a baby... usually the more healthy a girl is (not anorexic skinny... but healthy) to carry a baby to term, the more desirable the women are to us... but being overweight, underweight, too old, whatever... is unatractive to most men and that's where I think it comes from... it's survival of the fitest... nature made it that way... girls can forgive a guy not being in top condition if he can provide in other ways cause he isn't the one carrying the baby... I think it would be different if men were the one's getting pregnant... I'm sure women would care if men were overweight with heart conditions a lot more.

[Homegirl 50]

This man is just rude. There is no excuse for this clown. Grown mature men do not treat their wives with such disrespect. He married her when she was what he thought was heavy, if it was that big a deal, he should not have. Now he is treating her like dirt instead of supporting and her and helping her loose some weight and respecting her as his wife.
I'd maybe expect this from a boy but a mature married man, Please.
You don't tell your wife, loose weight or the marriage is over. You tell her "honey, lets do this together, let me help you"
This ignorant and selfish man probably has a girl friend.

[ChristianRS]

This man is just rude. There is no excuse for this clown. Grown mature men do not treat their wives with such disrespect. He married her when she was what he thought was heavy, if it was that big a deal, he should not have. Now he is treating her like dirt instead of supporting and her and helping her loose some weight and respecting her as his wife.
I'd maybe expect this from a boy but a mature married man, Please.
You don't tell your wife, loose weight or the marriage is over. You tell her "honey, lets do this together, let me help you"
This ignorant and selfish man probably has a girl friend.

Not trying to be rude... just the way nature is... it's the truth, which sometimes is really hard to swallow... but you are right... some men do like overweight women... it turns them on somehow... just like some men like to get their balls stompped on by high heels... so if overweight women is your thing, power to you.

[Homegirl 50]

I'm not talking about men liking or this liking overweight women. This man thought she was over weight when he married her and did anyway, now instead of helping her, he wants to treat her like dirt.
If you don't like overweight women fine, that your prerogative, but don't marry her then treat her like dirt when you change your mind.
This is not about weight preference, but treating your wife with respect.

[ChristianRS]

True that... well said. If she was fat, and u didn't like it, you shouldn't have lied.

[kp2171]

The OP hasn't been here since December... she isn't coming to the AMHD boards now. Just keep it in mind before spending a lot of time giving her advice. She hasn't been here since last year.