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worrier_argh · Nov 19, 2007, 05:45 PM

OK guys, this is rather an unusual post. I'm 19 and because of one thing I have never allowed myself to be in a relationship or become attached to anyone because this one thing scares me... I have recently met a guy who is 21 and I really like him, we are currently seeing each other, but this is the furthest I've gone with a lad because of my secret. We have only been texting and met a few times and I'm already scared, yet I don't want to back out because I like him and want it to work.

My issue is that I have stretch marks on my boobs, and thighs and hips. I'm THAT worried it makes me sick. I know if someone appreciates you for who you are it shoulndt matter and they should love you for who you are, but I'm worried that when I finally tell whoever I'm with that they will laugh in my face, run a mile, and tell everyone I know that I have stretch marks. Its ruining my life, I can't be happy because even if I'm with someone I still think they will bother me!

This guy is quite into physical contact and I'm worried that physical attraction of the body may mean more to him. It doesn't come across that way but I'm just reallt petrified of opening up.

Basically what I want help with is how I should tell him that this is my worry and make him aware how much it bothers me. I don't just want to say I have stretch marks. Please help on how to deal with this with him... its really getting me down

Thank you

thereisno4evr · Nov 19, 2007, 06:03 PM

Well the "easiest" way to do this is to tell him exactly how you feel. Explain to him that you have something that you need to tell him and it is very personal and you would like to keep it that way. Don't worry about him laughing in your face or running away, if he really likes you as a person not just an object then he will accept it as just being a unique quality that you have(similar to someone having huge ears or a small noes). If he cannot accept this then he is a d*******. But don't worry there are many more guys out there and not all of them are that that shallow.
Do not let this get you down, you are beautiful with or without stretch marks.

worrier_argh · Nov 19, 2007, 06:12 PM

Thanks for getting back so quickly I really appreciate it. I know I have to tell him, its just SO hard as its such an embarrassment for me. I just think id be letting I'm down so much because I haven't even had a child to at least have a reason for having them. I'm not even carrying extra weight. I'm from the uk and I'm in size 10/12. I know some people just get them but I look at them in complete digust and I couldn't imagine a guy who is into sex wanting to be with someone as they would surely be disgusted by them too. Thanks though, really appreciated

thereisno4evr · Nov 19, 2007, 06:38 PM

DO NOT think that you are letting him down! Not even for a second. You are NOT letting him down, for this is something that you cannot control. If you missed a dinner date because you decided to work late, yes that is letting him down but if you missed a dinner date because you got hit by a bus, that would not be letting him down. It is a similar situation. You cannot control having stretch marks as you could not control being hit by a bus, thus it is not letting him down. You said it yourself some people just get stretch marks as they are growing, so do not feel like it is your fault you have them.
DO not be worried about having sex because of your marks. If its really bothering you then just turn the lights off, for no man can see in the dark. But if he is prepared to have sex with you in the first place, stretch marks are NOT going stop him.

oneguyinohio · Nov 19, 2007, 06:57 PM

If it wasn't for the fact that it bothers you, I would say don't even mention it, and act like everybody has them... He really may never notice or ever care... but if you open up about it, then you could have the comfort and reassurance that he is into you for more than just a perfect body... what ever that is... If he is going to take notice and not stick around over something like that, do you really want him anyway?

I'm speaking from the view point of having two of my front teeth missing due to an accident in the fourth grade... some people are shallow and don't go for the guy who looks like he played a little too rough or too long in hockey, but other people have more depth than that, and I really don't need the ones who want perfect teeth anyway... after all, I'm not some sort of a prize show horse to be judged for only my looks!

worrier_argh · Nov 20, 2007, 01:35 AM

Thanks so much, you have both really helped to reassure me. I really like the guy and want it to go somewhere and I'm hoping this time that because the feelings are so strong I won't let this issue effect me like I have done in all mypast life! I'm hoping to overcome my fear with this guy... I hope he accepts my issues and will learn to deal with it too! Thanks guys!

runrunrun · Oct 7, 2009, 03:35 AM

There are so many treatments for this. You are nly 19 which means your skin is youthful and still produces lots of collagen.
Go to you doctor and see if you can get help for this. If you can afford it you could talk to someone who treats with laser therapy.
Good luck

ItWasMe · Oct 7, 2009, 01:57 PM

I have dated girls with stretch marks, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I loved them for what they are, I don't think they look bad and many many many people have them, do not worry or put yourself down about it.

runrunrun has the solution if you think that getting them removed or concealed would help you grow as a person, but I think over coming your fear and realising that you are no different than a lot of people and that you should not be ashamed or worried about them will make you grow a lot more :)

jaime90 · Oct 7, 2009, 03:40 PM

Be honest with him, tell him how you feel. Physical attraction is part of a relationship (no matter how much people tell you 'looks don't matter!' if you're thinking right now "i'm not physically attracted to my significant other!" I will personally punch you.) But EVERYONE has their flaws- as a woman I know that looking in the mirror involves pointing out every possible thing that you want to change. I figured no one would like me because I'm only a size b34- I'm 110 lbs, and only 5' tall- but I wear a size 9 shoe! I felt ridiculous, and still do sometimes. The thing is, you can't worry about this guy and this stretch mark thing- if he is so concerned about stretch marks that he dumps you- then he doesn't even deserve you in the first place.

runrunrun · Oct 8, 2009, 03:27 AM

Originally Posted by ItWasMe

I have dated girls with stretch marks, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I loved them for what they are, I don't think they look bad and many many many people have them, do not worry or put yourself down about it.

runrunrun has the solution if you think that getting them removed or concealed would help you grow as a person, but i think over coming your fear and realising that you are no different than a lot of people and that you should not be ashamed or worried about them will make you grow a lot more :)

An answer worth it's weight in gold.
Many men think like this and it is very reassuring for women to hear this.
Thank you