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sxybaby1 · Nov 18, 2007, 08:45 AM

I'm 26 an my fella is 23 we have a little girl an another on the way but about 8months ago I found a text on his phone 2 another man saying that he loved me an his daughter but he wanted 1 last time wiv him I asked him about it an he tried saying that it was a joke an this lad was from school I didn't believe him so I started checking his emails I found out that he was on a few gay web sites anyway it all came out that he did av oral sex wiv men before we met but could never see himself wiv a man couldn't sleep wiv a man an so on so I tried 2 forgive him then I got pregnant again an I was about 3months pregnant an came home from work an had a feeling 2 check his history as I work nights and again he ad been on chat rooms looking at men I asked him about it an he admitted that he was bi an wanted to know if he was making the right choice as he didn't want to hurt me anymore he said after that he knew that I was all he wanted we sorted it out an as much as my head as been messed up wiv all this I am trying 2 for give him the his phone got cut off so I put my sim in his phone an txted a few people ut of his phone got a text bk frm 1 lad an chatted as if I was my boyfriend just 2 get rid of him txtin my phone then he started saying sick things so I have kicked my boyfriend out he says he doesn't no why he is doing this he loves me an can't live wiv out me should I give him a chance or leave him there is a lot more 2 this story just will take me a week 2 wright it help I feel like I'm going mad!!

Homegirl 50 · Nov 18, 2007, 08:55 AM

I'd leave him alone. He is conflicted. Probably gay and does not want to admit it. He needs to leave women alone and stop making babies until he finds out what he wants.
You don't know that he is not having sex so, I would not want him in my bed.
I wish you well.

Xrayman · Nov 18, 2007, 03:16 PM

MMM just because he is bisexual does not mean he does not love you! Tell him to sort out if he wants a committed relationship with you a woman or a man-then if he decides on you-then good-if not then move on.

Ash123 · Nov 18, 2007, 03:39 PM

You know the facts.
You are not crazy.

In the long run you both will be happier on your own.
If he's had oral with other men, he's wired a little differently than you (or a life male partner for that matter)

If you can deal with him smoking other guys on the side, hang in there, but right now what you have is an "arrangement" and perhaps that is nice for the child, but may not work in the long term.

sxybaby1 · Nov 28, 2007, 03:15 AM

Can't believe no one is answering me all I need is a little advice frm everyone who looks 70 people av read my problem only 3 posted comments how is this suppose 2 help me :( help!!

NeedKarma · Nov 28, 2007, 03:20 AM

It may be because your post is very hard to read - it's written in chatspeak without a single bit of punctuation.

NeedKarma · Nov 28, 2007, 04:38 AM

You asked why people were looking but not answering. I gave you the reason.

Synnen · Nov 28, 2007, 06:14 AM

Sorry, NK, have to spread the love, or I'd balance the noob.

To the OP--YOU are being rude. Most of us adults here ignore chat speak, because WE learned to type using full words, with correct spelling and punctuation.

Your question was hard to read.

Secondly--I just had no advice for you. Love just isn't enough to make all relationships work. Disney has made it so we expect happily ever after with every relationship, because if it's NOT perfect, some fairy godmother is going to pop in and fix it all with her magic wand.

Well, honey--this is the real world. You kicked him out--great! If you can't trust him to be honest with you, then why in the world would you want a relationship with him?

Move on, in my opinion. There are other guys out there.

mseik · Nov 29, 2007, 12:53 PM

Okay, so this is what I think I'm reading from your original post:

I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 23. We have a little girl and another on the way. About eight months ago, I found a text on his phone to another man saying that he loved me and our daughter, but he wanted one last time with him. I asked my boyfriend about it and he tried saying that it was a joke and this lad was from school. I didn't believe him, so I started checking his emails and found out that he was on a few gay web sites. Anyway, it all came out that he did have oral sex with men before we met, but could never see himself with a man, couldn't sleep with a man, and so on. I tried to forgive him.

Then I got pregnant again. When I was about three months pregnant, I came home from work and had a feeling to check his browsing history (I work nights). Again, he had been in chat rooms looking at men. I asked him about it, and he admitted that he was bi, and wanted to know if he was making the right choice as he didn't want to hurt me any more. He said that after the last internet experience he knew that I was all he wanted. We sorted it out, and as much as my head has been messed up with all this I am trying to forgive him.

Then his phone got cut off, so I put my sim in his phone and texted a few people out of his phone. I got a text back from one lad, and chatted as if I was my boyfriend just to get rid of him texting my phone. Then he started saying sick things, so I have kicked my boyfriend out. He says he doesn't know why he is doing this. He loves me and can't live without me. Should I give him a chance or leave him? There is a lot more to this story, but it would take me a week to write it. Help, I feel like I'm going mad!

People don't just stop being bi or gay or straight. People also don't just start being monogamous. Nobody can or should answer your question for you, because you are the only one who can do that. Maybe asking yourself if you can live with someone who is seeing other people would be a start. It certainly does sound as though your boyfriend has a desire to engage in some kind of intimate contact with other men in addition to his relationship with you. Can you live with that? Have you and he really talked honestly about this? Is there enough of a foundation in this relationship to even consider exploring all that?

Ash123 · Nov 29, 2007, 12:58 PM

Run.

Ok, Don't trip or fall or anything. Or bump into a wall as you are fleeing. Or step in a hole. Or get out of breath... and if you do - get up - and keep moving.
But, You are better off with someone who was born to love you and only you!

sxybaby1 · Nov 30, 2007, 12:31 AM

Thank you for taking time to reply to my message. I wrote it way I did because I thought people would get bored reading it. He loves me I know that. He says that he wants me and only me, he will never love or want anyone other than me an will never cheat on me.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 30, 2007, 05:15 AM

Go back and read your own post. He has already cheated. But if you love him enough to always be wondering if he is on the gay sites or with another guy sucking the lollipop, then you stay with him.
I think you are n serious denial and so is he.

sxybaby1 · Nov 30, 2007, 05:32 AM

Just because he had that message on him phone doesn't mean he has cheated on me. Im not saying he hasn't but isn't it my choice to believe him or not? You may all think I'm stupid and maybe I am but I ;ove him and my kids need there dad.

mseik · Nov 30, 2007, 07:05 AM

Originally Posted by sxybaby1

Just because he had that message on him phone doesnt mean he has cheated on me. Im not saying he hasnt but isnt it my choice to believe him or not? you may all think im stupid and maybe i am but i ;ove him and my kids need there dad.

It's got nothing to do with stupidity, but about how much you're willing to delude yourself, and it sounds as though you've already answered that question. Life is all about choices, and you're exercising that power right now by choosing to believe what works for you right now.

A word of caution: strong relationships aren't built on deception. Staying in this type of relationship may seem to be the best choice to you right now, but please remember kids aren't stupid. You're deluding yourself willingly; your kids don't have that choice.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 30, 2007, 08:04 AM

Originally Posted by sxybaby1

Just because he had that message on him phone doesnt mean he has cheated on me. Im not saying he hasnt but isnt it my choice to believe him or not? you may all think im stupid and maybe i am but i ;ove him and my kids need there dad.

No one said you were stupid, but you asked for opinions and you got them. You have dealt with this twice with him, who knows how many times you don't know about. He may love you, but he also has a thing for men.
It's your choice if you want to deal with this, but don't delude yourself. Until your boy friend is honest with himself about his sexuality, you are going to have to deal with him sneaking around and looking at gay sites or talking to other men. He is not honest with himself and IMO until he is, he won't be honest with you either and that is not fair to you or your kids.
I wish you well.

Tuscany · Nov 30, 2007, 08:13 AM

Originally Posted by sxybaby1

Just because he had that message on him phone doesnt mean he has cheated on me. Im not saying he hasnt but isnt it my choice to believe him or not? you may all think im stupid and maybe i am but i ;ove him and my kids need there dad.

Sweetie, it sounds like you know what you want to do. If you are looking for reassurance I am not sure if you are going to get it here. We can only comment on what you post, and what you posted points to the fact that he did cheat on you. But, we do not live your life so we cannot comment on how he treats you or your children. And ultimately yes it is your choice to stay or go. Please make sure that you make the choice that is best for you and your children.

To me though, if he is cheating on you and texting men about being with them that would be a big ole sign to run away fast.

Ash123 · Nov 30, 2007, 08:26 AM

This relationship is DOOMED. No chance. ZERO. read your post... he has had a DOUBLE LIFE. You were with the wrong guy. I know that is a terrible reality. But the MORE important thing is your NEW life and getting yourself in a position to meet a new and better man for your child and you to love... your ex can visit in the future I'm sure.

Sorry.

Contact your family and friends and keep them close for the holidays and you can survive this.

sxybaby1 · Nov 30, 2007, 08:30 AM

Does he have to be gay though? Why can't he just be bi? He doesn't have sex with men and he sent messages never slept or done anything with anyone else but then again hiw can I believe that? Just do I suppose.

Ash123 · Nov 30, 2007, 09:14 AM

Bi? Gay?
Does it make a difference?

Your boyfriend has been looking for love with another sex... and it's not YOU.

Get a new life... maybe in a year you can take another look at this.
Not now.

He just doesn't respect you enough.

Ash123 · Nov 30, 2007, 12:00 PM

That is your right to disagree.

I can only say this perhaps:
Hear me now.
Believe me later.

I wouldn't believe me either if I had a child, another on the way, and was in love and hurting...
It could take months for any of this to sink in.
I do hope for the best for you all though... Sexual orientation is not something we can turn on and off and his current contrition is not emblematic of a lifestyle conversion.

I am sure he is hurting as well. But if you had never found out (more than once I might add.. hmm)... then what?
How long would it have gone on and how far would it have progressed?
Hmmm, I think you got lucky. But I am hoping you can find peace whatever way you choose -- soon.
Sometimes the right thing is not the easy thing.