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Ash123 · Nov 30, 2007, 12:04 PM

Thx, T -

sxybaby1 · Nov 30, 2007, 01:42 PM

I don't really know how to answer that. Thanks for the message its silly because even though I know all this, there is still apart of me that doesn't believe he is gay, maybe its just I don't want 2 believe it. I've read messages off other women who think there husbands are gay an the things they say... they don't av sex... they get treated badly no romance looking at other men john is nothing lik that he tells me how much he loves me all the time will bring me breakfast in bed he calls me his beauty queen an that is just how he treats me he knows that I come on these websites an chat 2 people an he is happy wiv that never asks me questions about it he says if this is what I need 2 get past it an be happy again he is willing 2 do anything an I really want 2 believe him but there will always be the fact that he lied to me he is adment he as never cheated on me and openly admits that if I didn't find out he prob would still be doing it but swears he would never meet anyone he says it was more like an adictsion he ad done this for so long that he couldn't help himself an apart of me thinks he got sloppy for a reason I always think he kept it quiet an no 1 ever knew for so long he has ad girlfriends in the past who av always done the dirty on him an he would fall bk into the internet world I know its no excuse.I av spoke 2 my best friend an a close friend of the family an they know most of wats happened an they think I should give it another go they c how well he treats me how much he does for me an the kids. But there is still summat there you no what I mean? Its just hard. Thanks for listening to me an every bit of advice helps. X

sxybaby1 · Nov 30, 2007, 01:47 PM

Also I know what your saying is true but I love him so much he is my whole world. He says he wants nothing an no one else but that's not the point now is it? The trust is gone an I so wish I could have that back, he says he will spend his life making it up to me but how can he? He won't go I kick him out he sits in the car outside, I say if you love me you will let me go he says he will be nothing with out me an no one will ever be me. How can I leave him when I know how much he loves me but I don't know if what happened with him is what he said or if he is denial. I can't imagen my life with out him in it, life is so unfair.

Ash123 · Nov 30, 2007, 01:48 PM

No problem.

But since you disagreed with me there is not much more than I can say - except read my last post... my guess is deep down you are so hurt you can't handle any more reality right now.

Can you imagine catching him and another man in a couple years? If so, maybe you can handle trying again.

sxybaby1 · Nov 30, 2007, 01:56 PM

I don't really know what I can or can't handle anymore. I have read your last message and thank you for your time.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 30, 2007, 02:30 PM

Sure he treats you good and does things for you, he feels guilty and should, because he is living a double life. He likes men. He can call it what he likes. As long as he is sneaking and talking to men, he is cheating because he is doing something behind your back. He is going to gay sites, talking to men in the phone, straight men don't do that. But only you know how much you are willing to deal with.

BMI · Nov 30, 2007, 02:41 PM

The advice is pretty clear sexy.

It's pretty obvious your man is bi-sexual, no one thinks contrary to that. If that is established, then him telling you he does or can't sleep with men is because he's embarrassed about it andso he's covering up, like it was a one time deal. I can't imagine enjoying the ummm oral part and not going further, its bound to have happened. Soooo its easy really, would you date a bi-sexual? It obviously bothers you, and I doubt telling him to stop will make any difference, if he has a boy's nightout it could happen,it canalways happen... run away!

Choux · Nov 30, 2007, 08:16 PM

I think that you are at an important crossroads in your life... you are faced with having to give up your romantic illusions and delusions about "love", or facing reality, and making a life for yourself in which you have a chance for some happiness in the future.

There is no future in a relationship with a homosexual man. He knows he can BS you because you are all tied up in thoughts of love and being loved instead of in thoughts of what is best for you, what will give you the best chance for happiness.

The worst that can happen is that you will be in your late 40-s, lost your looks, are bitter and unpopular... and still asking people what you should do, and responding,, "but, he loves me".

Be positive! You might go to a quiet place such as a library, or whatever, and think about your life and what you want your life to be like in five years, ten years... the areas of employment, children, man, hobbies, sports, education... describe in detail what you want for yourself. Write down all the good things you want for yourself... write down the positive actions you can take toward your goals.

It is important to take charge of your life so you can make yourself happy!

Best wishes to you.

sxybaby1 · Dec 2, 2007, 04:53 AM

Its not like I can just cut him out of my life, we have children togther. I think I should make my mind up when I'm in a good state of mind, not when I'm pregnant. Don't know if that means kick him out now or when I've had the baby an I know what I'm thinking is me and not hormoans.

I do look at my life and ask myself what I want in 5, 10years and I don't see it without him in it.

I think if he had told me from the start that he was bisexual then we wouldn't be togther now, but he didn't give me that chance and now we have a family and he says a future, there is a part of me that believe's that to. I don't want to believe that it will be like that, that il be 40 an bitter still asking the same questions I hope that he will have proved to me that what he is telling me now is the truth.

I always thought that someone who is bisexual couldn't settle down and love one person as they want sex with both men an women, but after talking to people who are bi it's the person they love not the sexualty. Being faithfull is the issue and I hope and believe that what we have is to important to him to risk it again because I lnow me an I know that if he ever did anything he would lose me forever and he knows that to.

Ash123 · Dec 2, 2007, 08:15 AM

I am sorry you are pregnant. That is tough.

This is a very tough situation. One of the tougher I've seen recently... BUT you are not a prisoner and if you are OK being married to a Bi-sexual or a gay man, then please have an honest talk about it. If ou are going to be in a relationship you need to set some parameters... Is that something you all can do? And your kids can live with - an open relationship?
You don't want AIDS. That would make the problems you have now seem like NOTHING! You must think of the worst caase scenario first and then work back to a best case scenario. If you are going to continue one day with him or on your own with a divorce settlement you need to weigh the realities... (I would take a small break with loving care and famlly and friends if possible. If you cannot, that's life).

sxybaby1 · Dec 2, 2007, 09:24 AM

Im OK with him being bisexual, what I'm not OK with is that being an excuse for him to cheat on me if he ever did, if I'm going to give him the chance now then I have to forget the past first or at least forgive it. Being bi is no excuse he can't cheat on me and think its OK because he is bisexual. He can cheat on me with a man an not a woman, I don't think so if he wants me then he has to live with the fact that's its me and only me or nothing he can't have his cake and eat it to, it doesn't work like that I am not the sort of woman to sit back and turn a blind eye. You may not think it from what I've been saying but I'm a very strong woman and he knows that this chance is his last. It may be the biggest mistake me giving him another chance but if he did it again there would be no excuses he could say he would be gone for good.

I wish I could get some time on my own he won't leave me, I kick him out an he sits outside in the car or sleeps in the car then I can't sleep because I'm worried about him sleeping in a car.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 2, 2007, 09:30 AM

You need some time to think, you can't be worried about where he's sleeping. He's grown. He'll sleep in the car if he knows you will let him back in. He has created this mess now he needs to allow you the time and space to decide what you're going to do.
He is acting like a confused teen.

sxybaby1 · Dec 2, 2007, 09:30 AM

Also if he was gay and was just ashamed about it, why would he be OK with me talking to people about it says he doesn't care who knows what he's done as long as I believe it will never happen again.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 2, 2007, 09:36 AM

I think he will say anything at this point to get you to stay with him.
He does have sexual issues and if he wants a relationship with you he needs to deal with those issues so he will know if he wants to be with you or wants to be free to explore options. He can't have it both ways while he is in a relationship.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 2, 2007, 09:39 AM

He is saying all of this because you caught him again. Who knows how far he and this guy would have gone had you not found out about it. The fact that this is the second time would lead me to believe you've got a problem here.
How long have you two been together?

sxybaby1 · Dec 2, 2007, 09:42 AM

We have been back togther for 15months we were togther for a short time before, we split up he was with someone else an so was I then we got back togther he had a child with this other girl.

sxybaby1 · Dec 2, 2007, 09:51 AM

I chatted on his msn for a while as him to this bloke with out anyone knowing, the guy thought I was him it was hard but I found out everything he told me was true he ad only met this guy twice it was while he was with this other girl not me that text was the first text he had sent since we were back with each other. I will never forget this I was on his msn talking to this Ian and he said John your not gay you was curious what we had is nothing compared to the love you tell me you have for this woman go and save your family he also confirmed that they never kissed never had sex all the time we were talking he thought it was my boyfriend I would put it like she doesn't believe we have never kissed and he would say that's because she doesn't understand that sex for men isn't all about love and passion its about cummin. About 3days after that message I phoned this guy told him that for the past to weeks it was me he was talking to and that I didn't blame him. About a week later I checked his gaydar account before deleteing it and found a message from Ian he said didn't know if he still used it vut wished us well and hoped that we could put this all behind us.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 2, 2007, 10:24 AM

I just have issues with this guy. He is 23 has two kids, another on the way, chats with other guys on line. He sounds very immature and pretty irresponsible. Why did he break up with the other girl. Was it the same type of thing, the gay thing? Does he take care of his other child?
This guy just seems like bad news all around to me, wayyy too much drama, but you know him, I don't.

sxybaby1 · Dec 3, 2007, 04:31 AM

He split up with the other girl to get back with me nothing to do with the gay thing, he loved me and wanted me back. No he doesn't see the other child that baby an our daugther only have about a months diffrance between them but he doesn't think this child is his as she was sleeping with her ex at the same time. Your right about the drama there is way too much of that, he is a wonderful dad my son from a past boyfriend loves him to bits and calls him dad as a person he is great I just think that he didn't know what he wanted till it was to late, he nearly lost everything and now I hope an believe that now he knows what he wants.

mwilliams15 · Dec 3, 2007, 02:20 PM

It sounds to me like he is more than likely more gay than bi. He likes the idea of being with you because you give him the dilusion of something that he wants.. he wants to have a family (as many gay men do), but he can't have a family with another man. He got in to this situation with you before he was sure of what he really wanted sexually, now he's too scared to leave the situation because he does want the family, he does love you, but he also does want a man. You can't be a man. He's not speaking completely with you.. it's obvious that he really doesn't want to hurt you, or his kids, but the truth is, he's gay. You may love him forever, you may think that you will never find anyone who can replace what you two have together, but you can.

What you need to do is end it. Just because you end it doesn't mean he can't be there for your kids or you. Let him be in your life, but you need to move on and see him as a really good friend. Get your life together while you are still young. Don't wake up one day to find him with another man. You need to realize that eventually he is going to realize that he wants a man and not a woman.. and you need to be gone before that happens.
Start listening now.

Its going to be hard, its going to take a long time to get over, your going to cry a lot, you'll be angry and confused, but when you look back on it 10 years from now and you have a man who isn't gay, who loves you and will give you his whole heart, you will be happy.

Good luck to you