[nymphetamine]

Are people always telling you that if you love someone even if they are with someone else you should be happy for them? Is it just me or does anyone really feel that way. I mean you honestly tell me that while your smiling at their face saying" im happy if your happy," that your not thinking " why do you have to be with that person? why can't you be with me?" Lets be realistic people. The I'm happy even if your with that dork instead of me thing is some artificial made up crap. Its not how you really feel. Its something you have to force yourself to say to look good to society or to make others happy while you suffer. Now the reason I brought this up is because someone once told me that if you know that your boyfriend had feelings for some girl in the past and this girl suddenly calls or shows up and you don't tell him or help him contact her then you don't love him and are being selfish. Well your damn right. I am a selfish little %%(*&^^$%%(*((()((*). There is no way that once I get my paws on a good man that I am just going to let some other person snatch him away. If she called id lie and tell her he don't live here anymore. Protect what is yours. If you let someone come into your mans life that could cause the break up of your happy home then you are a dummy. If he finds out and get mad its only because he didn't get to cheat on you with her wich is what would happen if you tell him they will be in a bed together somewhere. I don't care if I'm selfish. I protect what's mine and I pet and feed it too darnit. :mad:

[DJ 'H']

If you are with someone you love and they love you equally and you are both really happy together then there is no way anyone would ever come between you. If someone does come between you then the relationship obviously was wrong and not meant to be.

Relationships are a two way thing. I could love someone with all my heart and soul; but if they didn't love me; but they loved someone else what would be the point in trying to hold on. It would only cause more heartache and pain. I would rather let go and move on and end up with someone that loved me as much as I did them than fight to keep someone who's heart belongs to someone else or someone who was not sure of their feelings.

If someone wants to be with you then no one could ever change the way they feel.

If I was in a relationship and a Man came into my life from the past or perhaps a new Man and I felt more for them than I did my own partner - it would be really unfair of me to stay with them. It would be out of guilt and because I did not want to hurt them which is all the wrong resons to be with someone and it would only aid unhappiness. I would end up resenting my partner and arguments would start. All that can be avoided with honesty and the strength to go with what you want.

My ex stayed with me out of guilt. He wanted to be with someone else but held on because he did not want to hurt me. The amount of time he would shout at me for no reason and the amount of times he nearly hit me. All because he was with me but wanted to be with someone else. I was with him for 2yrs and half of it was a complete lie. I only found all of this out after we split - so all the time he said "I love you" he was just lying to me.

If he had just been honest with me; I would have had so much respect for him and we may have been able to stay friends. I would rather him be honest than lie and make me feel so small. I don't thank him for it.

Everyone has one chance at life and the chance to be happy. Why settle for less. It works both ways and on some level if a guy/gal breaks up with you it's in your best interest as well as their own.

[fredg]

Hi,
At 63 yrs old, married for 28 yrs, I am realistic.
Many yrs ago, I loved deeply a lady when I was 18. Went off to college, her another college. After a yr, got a "dear John" letter from her. I've never forgotten her, and her memory will always be with me.
Why mention that? There is NO WAY I would have given her phone number, address, or anything else out to another man!
I was in love with her, and was not about to take a chance on another man moving in, and taking her away. But, it happened anyway, but I didn't do it; she did. Was I happy for her? I really don't remember, but probably not.
The part you say about not introducting your boyfriend to another girl was "selfish", is garbage. If you really love someone, I wouldn't be trying to "get rid of them" by giving them the names of people I think are in love with him!
DJH has some very good points. Love is a "two way" street. If he is really in love with you, then he won't care about anyone else anyway. If that's the case, then he will not want to meet other girls.
But, why take a chance on introducing him to other girls. If he is yet undecided about his love for you, give him a chance; but not with another girl.
If my wife of 28 yrs suddenly decided she would be happier with another man, would I be happy for her if she left me? I really don't know; and don't want to find out. I do wish you the best, and if I were you, I would hold onto a boyfriend, and be honest with him; but don't try to get rid of him by introducing him to someone who thinks they love him, too! Just tell her "no".

[s_cianci]

For the most part I agree with you but there's a fine line between "protecting what's yours" and being overly possessive and jealous. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and nobody is going to find that attractive. You'll have a much better chance at "winning the prize" if your "significant other" realizes that you're willling to lose him. After all, there's plenty of fish in the ocean and if he'd rather dump you for an ex love interest, you'll quite readily go out and find someone else. The key is to make him think that your options are more varied and flexible than his. Also, if you want to flush out any potential competition from an ex, when you first meet someone you're interested in, question him openly about his past and be willing to likewise honestly tell him about yours. If he admits to having recently ended something with someone else, ask him whether there's a chance of them getting back together. His answers should clue you as to whether he's ready to consider a new relationship or if he's just on the rebound. My own experience with people on the rebound is that they tend to talk a lot about their ex whether I ask them or not. If this happens you should note it as a "red flag" item and take it as a sign of being on the rebound, in which case it's a good idea not to waste too much time on him.