[bushg]

My 14 year old daughter wants me to take a poll. She feel's like she should be allowed to hang out with a boy she likes. Go to his house watch a movie With his parents at home, or go to the movies, ball games, Mcdonalds etc... :eek:
She has always been pretty responsible and has never gotten into trouble and makes decent grades Not honor roll!
This is her Daughter and I think I should be allowed I am a good student and I am very responsible person. I don't let people take advantage of me in anyway.. I don't think it would hurt for her to cut me a little slack I mean I am a freshman in high school.
And I wouldn't let it get serious.



What do you think?:confused:

[charlotte234s]

I think a 14 year old girl should be allowed to hang out with a boy in groups (not just a group of other "couples", but not one on one with a boy really. 14 is a little young to start dating, shoot for 16 more, you'll be surprised what just 2 years will do for your maturity level and that of the boys your age. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you will be glad later.

[J_9]

Have you met his parents? This would be my first step.

[bushg]

Only at ball games and they do seem like nice people. Their not dating, just talking. We do not allow her to have boyfriends but she is asking to date. DaD says nooooo but he is super strict.

[charlotte234s]

My parents let me visit a boy friend at the time at his house when I was about 15, but his parents who my parents knew had to be present there. But really, I still feel that even though I didn't really go out one on one with a boy until I was 16 and I still feel like I wasn't ready for it. I know it seems harsh, but I am not very much older than your daughter, but even as a young adult I look back and wish I'd waited longer to get involved with boys, they distracted me from school, not badly, but also took up a lot of time, wasted because I could've been studying or with my girl friends or doing things besides wasting my precious child hood with some jerk boy trying to be grown up..

And I'm not speaking from a sexual position at all, but just a general, wasting your time, dating at too young an age position, it's just not really worth it and you're not mature enough for a real relationship anyways/

[bushg]

Lol, cahrolotte she is so not grown acting... this child still plays in the mud and doesn't care who sees her. She is also very confident.
She says she has a dad that she knows loves her and she doesn't need a boy to tell her she is pretty and to give her confidence.
She just thinks he is sweet, nice and enjoys his company.
But I see your point, boys do take time away from other things you could be doing to better yourself and get ready for your future and career. I was taught that marriage was the beginning and end and I don't want that for her.

[J_9]

I know where you are coming from Bushg. My daughter is 14 and she has had "boyfriends." She broke up with them within the week though. LOL

Her friend though (13) has a boyfriend and the parents are always around. Parents take them to movies and stay with them, parents take them out to dinner, etc.

I personally think 14 is too young to "date" but group outings should be okay with a chaperone. Yeah, I'm old fashioned. Blush blush

[charlotte234s]

I agree with J-9 here about the group outings and chaperone thing.

I never dated boys to feel better about myself, I am a fairly thin, relatively pretty girl, (Not trying to be rude, but honestly I'm not like, ugly and or insecure or anything awful for my self-esteem) my family life wasn't perfect but I always knew I was a decent person and tried to do the right thing, didn't try to seek others's approval really, but I'm just saying that at her age, a boy who is a friend is better than a boyfriend, know what I mean?

[bushg]

Yeah j9, she has liked them for maybe a month and then thye get on her nerves. But this little boy she has liked for awhile. Maybe I will allow a group outting. We did let her go to a dance with a boy. But they went in separate cars. Sigh... I'm stressed

[J_9]

Ah, it's a good time of the year to go shopping. Take them both Christmas shopping, he can shop for his parents, she can shop for her Dad. You will be with them all the time, and it's not like a date.

[charlotte234s]

Why don't you take the kids to a movie or to some other fun kind of outing, you don't have to cling to their sides, but you can be around in case anything gets to where you're uncomfortable.

[bushg]

Char, I know what you mean. I keep telling her not to ruin a good friendship. Also you never truly know what someone's intentions are. Btw I did not have a very good childhood at all... so I am really over protective.

[charlotte234s]

It's okay to be over protective to a point, but when she is maybe a couple years older, start giving her more privileges if she continues to be mature. It's okay for her to like boys, it's normal, and it's okay for her to be close friends with a boy, but she's still young enough that she needs supervision most of the time.

[bushg]

Yep she sure likes the mall... she is sitting right here.. she says he likes the mall as well. Maybe on my day off. Surely dad will go for that. Thanks for giving suggestions. We'll see wha dad thinks.

[charlotte234s]

Good idea, a trip to the mall, you can even just set up places to meet up every half an hour or so, if you don't want to be too clingy.

I hope your daughter understands that we want her to be able to express her feelings and it's okay she likes boys and we want her to have fun, just that she's young still and she needs to have parental guidance for a little longer.

[bushg]

Char, goo idea on setting up meeting time... lol I would have been frantically searching for them. Lol I really would have I am so forgetfull.

[mwilliams15]

I'll be 20 in a month and I when I look back I wish my mom wouldn't have let me date at 14. Towards the end of my freshman year I started dating a boy and dated him 3 years.. I was so shoved up his butt that it almost ruined my whole high school experience. Finally my senior year we broke up and it was good to have the freedom.
Speaking from the mindset of someone who just graduated high school year before last, I wouldn't let your daughter actually have a boyfriend until she's about 16. There is just so many better things about high school then having a boyfriend.. like hanging out with girl friends.. making good grades.. preparing and thinking about college and what to do with your life..
Maybe your daughter will read this, maybe not. If she does I want her to know that she may not plan on it getting "serious" but when your young, its easy to fall in love and for things to get serious.. I really regret being in a relationship in high school. High school should be about hanging out with everyone and having a good time without being tied down.. you have college and beyond that to be tied down to a guy..
Have fun with your friends, study hard, and enjoy high school while it lasts because college is A LOT harder.
I hope I helped somehow..
Let us all know how it works out.

[J_9]

i was soo shoved up his butt that it almost ruined my whole high school experience.

This is why we are advocating parental inclusion. The parents should be included in EVERYTHING they do.

[mwilliams15]

This is why we are advocating parental inclusion. The parents should be included in EVERYTHING they do.

My mom was involved and his parents were extremely involved.. but that doesn't matter. Whether his parents are there or her parents are there, they still may be spending a lot of time together.
Gradually she'll start spending more and more time with him.. and less and less time with friends/family/school work.. it could get to the point where they are inseparable. Some parents give in after a while of chaperoning and let the two have their freedom.. that's where it gets worse..

[mwilliams15]

But I do agree with you J_9 that the parents should be involved in everything they do if she chooses to let her daughter date.