[galileo235]

Hi, I'm new here, and trying to get through this utterly desperate period after my breakup. My ex and I have been together for 6 1/2 years, with a break early on in the relationship for about a year. We've pretty much grown up together, dating long distance in college and then after. We're long distance now, but we're set to move in together next summer. There's been rocky times and he's figuring out where he wants to go to grad school right while I finish up mine. We've talked about getting engaged, and he said he wanted to get engaged in the next year, then he said he wanted to move in and he wasn't ready to get engaged yet. I'm currently far away working in a high stress situation with no support network where I am, and I think I became needy and was pushing him inadvertently. We were having a conversation about next year and I pushed him and we ended up breaking up. He said he loved me so much, but he didn't know if he wanted to marry me and he felt like after 6 years he should know. Things were rough at times, making it work, but I love him and I know he loves me. We talked and at first I tried to be strong, but then I broke down and I told him I thought this was the wrong decision and that we could make it work. He said he didn't know how we could. But then he called and text message "I love you". I really don't think it is an issue of love, part of me thinks it is him freaking out. But I told him I don't think we should talk for a while if this is what he really wants. I'm heading home for thanksgiving in a week, we said we would see each other there. It's been two weeks since I last talked to him on the phone and we told each other how much we love each other. Can I fix this? I love him. Truly I do. I regret the times I didn't appreciate how special our relationship was. Everyone says I need to move on, and I know I can, I do know I will be OK. But I want another chance to do things right. We were so close. What do I say when I see him over Thanksgiving? Do I pretend like I'm OK, do I tell him again that this doesn't feel right... do I not see him? Insight is much appreciated. For lack of a poetic way of putting it... this really sucks... hurts so much.

[madaman]

Well after 6.5 years, it may be worth talking it out in person. The part about 'after 6 years he should know if he wants to marry you' really stood out to me. If he really feels that way, then I don't know what you could change. If you push him for any answers you will get the exact opposite ones you want, guaranteed. I mean you should be prepared for the worst, but personally I would be willing to endure a bit more pain to get some closure (thats just the way I am and have been with past relationships).

How old are both of you? And was there other relationships before hand?

[galileo235]

We're both 26. Dated other people. But not seriously.

[jolienoire]

Well... I can relate to what you are feeling.. I think he needs his time.. You can't convince someone to be with you. If someone wants you nothing can't keep them away. If they don't want you nothing can make them stay.. not saying he doesn't want you. He just needs time to miss you.. You can't make someone be with you Or make them see what they lost they have to figure this out on their own without the influence or pressure from you. As this will drive them in the opposite direction. If you love him as you say you do then you will respect his decision and vic versa he should respect the fact that you want what you want. It is so hard when you put in that much time and effort.. But even if you give all you have he has to be willing to give just as much.. Otherwise the relationship will be unbalanced.. I know you want to see him but will this help or hurt you even more to see him?? That's what you need to ask yourself.. Do you think if you spend time with him you can work it out? Be prepared if you do see him.. Not all times we get the answers we are looking for... But go with your heart..