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s_cianci · Nov 30, 2005, 08:08 PM

If your "caring" step-dad who is a "good man" has split with your mother, then I think you mom has issues that go far beyond a broken marriage and far beyon the expertise of us "laypersons" on this forum. I'm not trying to suggest that everything was your mother's fault but considering the high regard in which you seem to hold your step-dad, I can't help but wonder what could have caused their marriage to crumble? Your concern for your mother is certainly admirable but I think you've done everything you can for her. She needs help from the experts so encourage her to get it. Good luck!

talaniman · Nov 30, 2005, 10:27 PM

MOM needs help from a professional big time,if step dad can't help try talking to some one close that she respects good luck this is bad situation. :cool:

momincali · Nov 30, 2005, 10:45 PM

DJ- It's easy to get sucked into this because these are your parents and you love them both. Thank you for not dismissing your dad just because your mother divorced him. If she can't understand the relationship you have with him and that he is a very important part of your life then she is just being selfish. He is your dad in every sense of the word, he was there for you when the other guy was not. It seems he has earned your loyalty.

As hard as it is to watch your mom go through this, it's best to just let her be. You are not her sounding board and I don't think it's fair for parents to involve their kids in their problems, it's just not your burden. You honor your mother by offering to take her out to lunch, shopping or a nice phone call, if she's not willing to accept your generous offers, then maybe she's not done having her pity party yet. Your brother is acting out resentfully toward your mother because she has disrupted his home. She decided she wasn't happy and who cares what her 8 year old thinks or goes through. If she tries to complain to you about your dad, just let her know in a nice manner that this kind of talk isn't something your feel comfortable with. You're a good sister and a good daughter but don't let this stress you out or you may end up resenting your mother as well.

DJ 'H' · Dec 1, 2005, 03:04 AM

Things just are not getting any better. She only talks to me on an even level when she wants something (like her rent) otherwise she just has ago at me or ignores me.

I was trying to quit smoking shortly before all this kicked off and I was doing really well - but since all of this has escalated and I have been so stressed out I have found my only outlet to contiue to smoke. She was laying into me about it this morning and upset me - then she turns round and asks for her rent as if nothing had happened.

I am at the end of my teather. I have try to encourage her to go and see the doc and get professional help - but she is too stubborn to listen and says she is fine. I know there is nothing more I can do, and I am trying to look out for myself now.

I have been thinking about going to stay with my Nan for a bit - would that be wrong of me to leave my mum on her own? Or should I stay and just bear with things so Mum knows I am there??

momincali · Dec 1, 2005, 01:18 PM

I think it would be a wise decision to go and stay elsewhere until your mom gets her head on straight. You aren't abandoning her in the least, you'll still be around, but you need to stabilize yourself and being in the middle of things won't do it. She's a big girl, she'll be okay. Call her from time to time, not everyday or what's the point of moving out.

lylcoop · Dec 1, 2005, 07:45 PM

I came across your post by accident, and it was the last one you put up. The one where your mum is heading for a breakdown. I then went to the 1st one and read them all.

When I got to the one where you say you should be grateful all are alive and well and that you still get to see them, that there are people that are worse off and have lost their loved ones, and so you are thankful for what you have, well, I was blown away. I started to cry. It just got to me. Because you are right. And for you to be aware of this is a trip.

What a wonderful person you are. For so young, (I am 35 yrs young) I cannot believe you are so insightful, and humble, and aware. So many people are so busy complaining about what they don't have, they are blind to what they do have!

As for your mum, wow, what can I say? You aren't the one to solve the problem. So stop pressuring yourself. This is her thing. Let her figure it out. I know you are worried about everyone's feelings, so just be there for them.
And thank you, for being grateful.

My parents are gone, my mother from brain cancer, and my father in his sleep. They were both still young, and I have 2 kids that won't get to know them. While this does break my heart, I am grateful still... for all I do have.

DJ 'H' · Dec 2, 2005, 03:42 AM

Thank you so much for your kind comments.

I am so sorry to hear of you losses, I have to say I really felt overwelmed with sadness reading your post; but at the same time I was filled with joy to have the privalidge of speaking to you.

Just with your words I can tell you are a very strong person with a very big heart and your children are very lucky to have you.

I have through so much in my life and you kind of get to the point where you just have to let go of all the bad things and leave the past in the past. Life is hard at the best of times but all honesty I am a very lucky girl.

I am fit & healty; I have a driving licence, own a car, I have a wonderful boyfriend, a great job as a wedding co-ordinator & DJ, I can Sing & Dance, I have great friends and even though my family is falling apart and going through a tough time there is still a lot of love & support there which is something I will always have.

I have a friend who lost his dad last year and he said to me "be lucky you have two dads, because I don't even have one" That put everything in perspctive and there was nothing more to be said.

I have come to realise that life is precious and way too short. There is no point worrying about things or letting the bad things take over your life. We need to deal with things let go and move on. Enjoy our lives while we can. Things change all the time; nothing is ever the same for long. So we need to make the best of what we have and appreciate what we have while we have it.

My step dad moving out also made me realise how much I took for granted him being there. I never really took my time out to spend with him - but I making an extra effort to do so now and once the dust has settled I will hopefully be able to the same with my Mum.