[drewreed]

I am a 21 year old college student finishing my final year in college. I started my first relationship with a 25 year old male who is planning on going to medical school next year. This is also his first relationship. We have had a great relationship so far even though we have been forced to do long distance (I go to school about 500 miles away from my hometown where we started dating). Next term, he wants to move move up with me and live together. Both of us are really looking forward to being able to see one another everyday.

My question is, do you think this is too early to be considering moving in together? I have heard that couples who live together often have a higher rate of break up later on in the relationship? I should mention that we have said we love each other very much and he mentions the prospect of marriage often. I know from reading other posts on this site, that it is much much too early to be seriously discussing marriage at this point in our relationship.

My understanding is that he wants to marry me, but of course we're not formalizing anything right now. When we talk about it, I usually say I want to do long term with him too but that we should wait at least until our first year mark to seriously discuss this and waiting until our second year mark would be an even better time to consider marriage. We believe being able to live together for the rest of the academic year (approximately 6 months) as a good way to get to know one another more.

We love each other very much and have learned we have very similar backgrounds. We also find that it has been hard to meet gay guys that have the same interests and values that we share. For instance, we both have Christian upbringings, science backgrounds, and relatively conservative personalities. Finding a guy in the gay community who wants a truly monogamous relationship when you're both in your early 20s is rather hard to come across.

His parents support our relationship and us moving in together. Unfortunately, my parents do not know about my relationship with him, let alone know that I am gay. I acknowledge that this is a significant issue that eventually needs to be remedied.

My main concern is that we both do not know after the six months are up where he will end up in med school and where I will end up post-graduation. I plan on applying to graduate school, however that could be anywhere in the US. Would living together temporarily be a detriment to our relationship if we are unsure of where we'll both physically be in year? I know that because our relationship is still new, we should take things slowly and enjoy our time together as it comes. Still, I like the thought of being in a relationship that has the potential to go somewhere in the long run. This guy is very different from my impression of other gay guys. He is stable and most importantly extremely trustworthy. I feel absolutely safe with him.

So anyway, my main question is, could you please give me advice on if you think we're moving too fast and if you think we should postpone moving in together given our situations?

Thanks a lot

[LearningAsIGo]

When I met my husband, he moved in after dating only 2 weeks... sure, we just got married, but we've been together 8 years now. It can be real bliss, but it can be troublesome as well.

Living together will force you to learn the good and the bad about each other and your relationship FAST. As long as your open to his potentially annoying habits, etc. you'll be fine. The key is communication and similar paths... which it sounds like you have. I think its important to have an independent attitude when living together... not everything has to be done together. You can still have your own friends, etc. as your relationship progresses.

Reading your post, the only thing that struck me as problematic is your relationship with your parents. Hiding your sexuality will be much harder if you move in together first. If they find out "the hard way" it might cause tension not just with you but with your boyfriend.

I would recommend clearing the air with them before you get more serious in your relationship. Give it the fresh start it deserves...
Good luck!

[drewreed]

Oh, I should clarify that its been a little over three months since we met each other.