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heynow · Nov 10, 2007, 11:51 PM

First let me say that I am a girl and I'm 17, turning 18 in a week. Im in college, not dorming. And ill apologize now for writing a lot.
First off, ever since I was 16 I have been feeling kind of depressed. I did attempt suicide once, it obviously didn't work lol. I took a bunch of pills one night, woke up the next morning and was like "damn it!". Nobody knows about that or the fact that I'm depressed because I NEVER cry in front of other people. I just hide in my room and cry. Whenever I talk to people I act really happy just so they don't suspect anything.
Another thing is that I feel people are always watching me or talking about me. I have this strange feeling that there are cameras set up in my room and people watch me. I can't even get fully undressed without freaking out.
I also have these strange feelings of wanting to hurt people (dont like alert the police or anything I would never hurt anyone lol) but I always just want to like stab my friends or family... its really weird and its starting to scare me.
Also, I am always in like a dream world and sometimes can't distinguish between reality and something that I just fantasized about. Because of this I forget a bunch of things that aren't like really important but needed to get done (like homework or chores and stuff)
Anyway, that's just about the gist of it. Im writing here because I think I might need therapy but I feel that because I'm going to be 18 that if I tell people they are going to be like "your an adult now, deal with it". What should I do? What do you think is wrong with me?? Sorry again for writing so much. I appreciate you reading and responding to this :)

Wondergirl · Nov 11, 2007, 12:06 AM

Hmmm, I used to jump over the scatter rug next to my bed in case there was a monster under the bed and he might reach out and grab my ankle and foot. And sometimes I want to just reach out and slap my boss because she isn't making sense. But then, I think we all have these fears that sometimes paralyze us or change our behavior, and also have impulses that bubble up but we don't dare act on them.

You might want to run this all past an adult you trust (teacher, friend's parent, minister, guidance counselor)--someone who will listen but won't get all scared and reach for the phone to call the men in white coats. I think you need to let this all out with someone safe, and just vent to your heart's content. After that, figure out what's left inside you, what strange or strong feelings haven't been voiced.

Please post here again. I'd like to find out how things are going for you.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 11, 2007, 12:11 AM

As a teenager, there are so many ups and downs. Hormonal changes and chemical imbalances happen frequently. As far as having these thoughts, are they all the time or just sometime. Many people think of good and bad things and many people will not admit to it, guarantee people have gone through it. Just because you think of something bad does not mean you will act on it and you being scared about it tells me that you have a concience.

Now, I do believe that you need therapy, counseling whatever you would like to call it. They will help you figure out what might be the cause of this, and then find different solutions and suggestions on how to get past it and work on becoming a more positive thinker. Hope this helps some, but even if you are 30 and going through this, just because your turning into an adult does not mean you should not ask or get help.

heynow · Nov 11, 2007, 12:17 AM

To respond to both of the previous answers:

I do have these feelings all the time and I always think it will get better but it never does. Sometimes ill be crying for an hour and not even know why. Also, I have trouble trusting people so I don't really tell people my feelings, that is why my friends don't know about this. And my mom would probably just brush this off just like she does with everything else... im not saying she's a bad mother its just that I am one of seven kids so she has a lot to do and worry about.

Thank you for your help though.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 11, 2007, 12:22 AM

Maybe this is where it all stems from. You never share your feelings. You always hold things in. You have other issues that are happening. So that would explain maybe why your feeling the way you do. You have learned how to always handle things on your own and to always keep your feelings inside that it is slowly eating away at you. You need to get to somebody and open up your thoughts and feelings and start releasing whatever is holding you back.

I would also suggest you talk to a family doctor and maybe they can do tests. Hormone tests and blood work and thyroid because there is a posibility what your experiencing is medical in nature. Hope you do this as well as counseling. Stop hiding away and starting opening yourself up.

pinkface92 · Nov 11, 2007, 09:42 PM

I think you should try to talk to someone about it. I know you're probably not used to it, but try to find someone you trust or even go and talk to a counselor or something. Its good to have someone to talk to when you are depressed most like ly the person will help you and you will feel a lot better. Good lUck!!

edfrienz · Nov 18, 2007, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by heynow

First let me say that i am a girl and im 17, turning 18 in a week. Im in college, not dorming. And ill apologize now for writing a lot.
First off, ever since i was 16 i have been feeling kinda depressed. I did attempt suicide once, it obviously didnt work lol. I took a bunch of pills one night, woke up the next morning and was like "damn it!". Nobody knows about that or the fact that im depressed because i NEVER cry in front of other people. I just hide in my room and cry. Whenever i talk to people i act really happy just so they dont suspect anything.
Another thing is that i feel people are always watching me or talking about me. I have this strange feeling that there are cameras set up in my room and people watch me. I can't even get fully undressed without freaking out.
I also have these strange feelings of wanting to hurt people (dont like alert the police or anything i would never hurt anyone lol) but i always just wanna like stab my friends or family...its really weird and its starting to scare me.
Also, i am always in like a dream world and sometimes can't distinguish between reality and something that i just fantasized about. Because of this i forget a bunch of things that arent like really important but needed to get done (like homework or chores and stuff)
Anyway, thats just about the gist of it. Im writing here because i think i might need therapy but i feel that because im going to be 18 that if i tell people they are going to be like "your an adult now, deal with it". What should i do? What do you think is wrong with me??? Sorry again for writing so much. I appreciate you reading and responding to this :)

Sometimes problems are to big for us. Seek a doctor or clergyman and tell them what you have said already. If you go to a medical doctor they should direct you to a counselor or you could go to one on your own. A minister should always be considered and they should be able to direct you. You sound like a lovely person that is in a tough age. You do not say what your homelife is like.