He's Just Not That Into You

jeffatl · Nov 19, 2005, 02:51 AM

Ok, I don't know what to do here. I went out with a girl tonight and had a real fun time, we ended up kissing a few times, but I don't like her at all. I feel like crap because I have never really hooked up with someone (once before this) that I don't really care for. I know this girl likes me a lot because she told me "I have wanted to kiss you for a long time now". I think she is really cool and fun to hang out with, but I am just NOT looking for anything right now. I explained that to her as well after we kissed. Crap, I don't want to hurt her, but I just don't feel it with her. She is really cute and fun, but its just not there. Ideas?

fredg · Nov 19, 2005, 04:27 AM

Hi,
You have been honest with her. You told her "I am not looking for anyone right now". That is sometimes rare, and I congratulate you.
She understands how you feel, but might not want to accept it!
I think you have two options:
1. If you just want to be friends with her, then keep talking with her, but don't ask her out again. And, if she asks you out, just say "no", and repeat what you told her after you kissed.
2. Or, if you don't want to be "just friends", then don't talk with her.

She has to understand that you don't want anyone right now, and it could be a little difficult for her, if you continue trying to be friends.
I do sincerely wish you good luck, and hang in there.

letmeno · Nov 19, 2005, 01:15 PM

It is really hard to tell you WHAT TO DO, but it is easy to tell you WHAT NOT TO DO, and that is string her along. Please, it would be hard enough to deal with the fact that she is into you and you can't return the favor than to go on and on being into you and find out weeks or months later that you are not into her. I wish that all guys were like you and just be honest about how you feel about a woman instead of stringing her along.

jeffatl · Nov 19, 2005, 04:36 PM

I always try and be honset with everyone. I told her I would rather her hate me than for me to hurt her. I felt like crap after we kissed, but we were both drining (oops). I don't know, I didn't call her today, and she has not called me either. I am just going to lay low for a few days and think about things. I will call her in a few days. :cool:

Wildcat21 · Nov 20, 2005, 02:25 PM

She's kind of a rebound chick.

You need some time to yourself and figure things out - it will probably take at least two months.

I'd advise you do see other women - a new will come alone who actually WILL be good to you. Do't string this one gal alone.

jeffatl · Nov 20, 2005, 03:00 PM

Yea, I don't want to hurt anyone. I have become so paranoid of that now because of my EX, I would never want to hurt someone. I was honest with her about what I wanted, and I see that she is kind of a rebound girl. I do have a date on Tuesday though!(with a different girl)

Wildcat21 · Nov 20, 2005, 03:51 PM

No reason to be paranoid at all. You've learned a lot. Just remember the signals of tropuble. You know all the bad now - obviousl yuse the experience to your advantage,

Again, build barriers, don't fall so easily AND don't give yourself up and surrender to one woman. Take your time and find out if they are sankes - I am sure there were MANY signs with the last gal that she was not good - you over looked them - lust and smitten does this to us.

jeffatl · Nov 20, 2005, 06:06 PM

Wow, again wildcat... you hit it on the head. I am just going to take some time and figure myself out, and not jump into something else. I know I am a good guy, and I know I have a lot to offer. I have never had trouble getting girls, but that isn't really the problem with me. I have always just given too much of myself to them. I don't want this situation to change the person that I am, but I think in the long run this is going to make me a VERY strong person. I have always been the "water off my back" kind of guy, but I really let this girl get into my head. I gave her a real piece of my mind today and it felt GREAT! I am healing and I will find a good girl someday, I can't just expect to find her tomorrow. :D

Wildcat21 · Nov 20, 2005, 06:15 PM

"I have always just given too much of myself to them." - really bad for business - especially early on.

Chery · Nov 20, 2005, 11:12 PM

Originally Posted by jeffatl

Wow, again wildcat......you hit it on the head. I am just going to take some time and figure myself out, and not jump into something else. I know I am a good guy, and I know I have alot to offer. I have never had trouble getting girls, but that isnt really the problem wiht me. I have always just given too much of myself to them. I dont want this situation to change the person that I am, but I think in the long run this is goign to make me a VERY strong person. I have always been the "water off my back" kind of guy, but I really let this girl get into my head. I gave her a real piece of my mind today and it felt GREAT! I am healing and I will find a good girl someday, I can't just expect to find her tomorrow. :D

You're right you can't expect that, because you are on the 'rebound'.. There will be many girls coming at you now that they know you are no longer 'attached', but they don't know how much this hurt you, so you need to take it slow and tell them upfront, that you like to have fun, but no more, you're drained, and they must give you time and not push things. If they avoid you because of your honesty, then they are not worth a second look. Good luck dear, and keep us posted.
P.S. You don't want a relapse unless you've become addicted to emotional pain, do you? And all girls know that rejection is a part of life, so don't feel guilty for not pleasing all of them. ;)

wizzkid89 · Nov 21, 2005, 01:57 AM

I think this situation could go either way, some people need grieving time while others like to jump right back on the saddle, either way it sounds like you need time to heal, however don't shut her out, at the very least you should remain friends. Yes, you can tell her that you are not pursuing any romantic endeavors but remember that she won't wait around for you and don't expect her to because she needs to live her life as do you. But, there is nothing wrong with stepping back from everything taking a deep breath, looking at your problems, then going back in and trying to fix them, it probably could really help you right now as it seems that you are a little stressed and overwhelmed. So, at the least be honest with her and yourself, because in the end all you got is your word.

Chery · Nov 21, 2005, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by wizzkid89

I think this situation could go either way, some people need grieving time while others like to jump right back on the saddle, either way it sounds like you need time to heal, however don't shut her out, at the very least you should remain friends. Yes, you can tell her that you are not pursuing any romantic endeavors but remember that she won't wait around for you and don't expect her to because she needs to live her life as do you. But, there is nothing wrong with stepping back from everything taking a deep breath, looking at your problems, then going back in and trying to fix them, it probably could really help you right now as it seems that you are a little stressed and overwhelmed. So, at the least be honest with her and yourself, because in the end all you got is your word.

Jeff, this is very well put from a young man, so you see we are all behind you and will continue to support. Again, keep us posted.