[RahulZ]

Its been 2 yrs now... My relationship with a girl continuing... I fall in her love and proposed her 1 yr back but she denied my proposal saying she don't want to marry someone as she wants to be nun... she's catholic and I'm not.. but even she added only if family member forces then only she will mary a guy from her religion only... then she disconnected from me but I really fell down then... I tried contacting her.. with those positive hopes... now she talks with me... but ready to have just friendship with me... just plain friendship... But I'm worried... I love her and don't want to loose her at any cost... she's really nice but it really gets hurt me when I start thinking about her...

Please help me in this case? Should I leave her or should I continue with those filmy hopes... she started sharing stuff with me but becomes rude and warns me if that topic brought in picture...

Guys your help will survive me.. I really love her lot and donnt want to loose her...

[peggyhill]

Just keep being her friend and don't pressure her. It sounds like she is pretty sure of what she wants right now. Maybe, in time, she will change her mind. If she does, then you will be there. But, I should warn you, it doesn't sound like that is likely to happen. First of all, she wants to be a nun. Second of all, she wouldn't feel right marrying someone who isn't the same religion as her. If she feels that it would be wrong to marry outside her religion, then you aren't likely to end up with her. I would remain her friend, but try to meet other people too. Don't be so focused on someone you probably won't end up with. You might miss out on meeting someone else that is right for you. Like I said, if nothing else, at least you will have a good friend. Good luck!

[statictable]

I believe she's not ready to make this commitment and may be having difficulty expressing her true feelings. Some people find it easier to make excuses in order to delay decisions and knowing this you would be smart to simply be yourself and smile to her as a friend.
If in the future you hear more excuses and you want to find a woman for marriage then it will be your turn to make excuses or find another loving woman. You'll both be fine.

[RahulZ]

Its been 2 yrs now...My relationship with a girl continuing...I fall in her love and proposed her 1 yr back but she denied my proposal saying she dont want to marry some1 as she wants to be nun... shes catholic and im not.. but even she added only if family member forces then only she will mary a guy from her religion only.... then she disconnected from me but i really fell down then... i tried contacting her.. with those positive hopes.... now she talks with me... but ready to have just friendship with me... just plain friendship... But im worried... i love her and dont want to loose her at any cost... shes really nice but it really gets hurt me when i start thinking abt her...

Please help me in this case?? should i leave her or should i continue with those filmy hopes... she started sharing stuff with me but becomes rude and warns me if that topic brought in picture...

Guys ur help will survive me.. i really love her lot and donnt want to loose her...

Thank you so much peggyhill and statictable... u people are really nice...
But it will take really hard for me to carry out with her.. as truth is really stright forward. She and me are away from each other these days but we communicate lot by mail. Recently I come to know that she's having some problem in life and she don't want to share that with anyone.. not even with her mom.once she tried but seems her mom felt ill... Her mother is already having some deasise.. I dono even sometime I'm worried with what could be that problem.It seems that she will share with me if he she feels comfortable. Coz I convinced her saying it need to be shared with your best friend.sharing will definitely relax some of your mental pressure. And reply to that she told me she hasn't mate the fellow to shre with or she don't know with whom to share and she avoided me by saying I don’t want to make off somebody’s mood.

I really want to know wats wrong with her life.Now guide me people how should I talk with her in next meetings. I have decided to ask that problem when I personally meet her after 2-3 months.Im away from her on some biz duty.

Guide me guys.

Is the situation is really complicated?I want frank guide lines.

Thanks for reading.

[statictable]

The next time you meet with her you must assume your role as a male. I do not know your ethnicity therefore I am unable to determine the "norms" of your culture. I do not know if the man should assume a stronger role nor do I know if you live in a multi tribal world with well defined social levels but you mentioned Catholic and I assume the older parents still hold some pre catholic view points which may be hard driven into this girls character. If this is the case you will find it very hard to give advice without invading older dogma. If you are more direct with your friend she may feel very uncomfortable because of the parents influence over her. It sounds as if your friend hears criticism from her parents on a regular basis and she's probably been told never to share family problems with others including you. They have pride and don't want to "loose face" in any way. The mother might be feeding her daughter true or false information to make her feel guilty which could strengthen control over your friend.

If this is true then it will be very difficult for anyone to get the true story. The daughter is allied with her mother for better or worse and for anyone putting a wedge between them would be a big mistake.

Is your friend educated? Secondary education is valuable and opens one's eyes to problem solving in many areas. If your friend has few skills in this area then the mother can continue her campaign to keep her daughter very close to her. This creates a very strong hold on your friend and you do not have much of a chance to make a healthier environment for them with words alone.

The heart of this matter may be the mother. The way to your friends heart may be through her mother. Have you any chance of bringing warm feelings to the mother.

In reality your girl friend will not be able to make any of her own life decisions while she's close to her family and that will continue on and on.

1. Try to be close to her mother so you become honest friends and feel accepted.

OR

2. Figure out a way to get your girlfriend to move to another district away from her parents so she will have to start thinking about her own goals. Maybe move away to go to school?

Best wishes to everyone. Ps> Mom please give freedom to your daughter. Your daughter is now an adult and no longer belongs to you. She belongs to herself and to the world as the world belongs to her.

[RahulZ]

Yap very true dear... your getting my problem.. thanks very much.
About her education.. she's is highly skilled and educated but very much attached to her family especially her mother. Sometime she says its very difficult to live without her mother.This is how I caught up in the situation.

She's very much attached to her family but I wonder wats the issue in her life which holds her back.

But yes... your advice means lots of things. Its better if I somehow come to know about her family deeply.

But I'm worried at the same moment how much complications I'm going to get in turn and how much time I'm going to take on it and that to just being her best friend.

Hope your getting me correctly.

Thanks.

[s_cianci]

She's made it clear that she isn't interested in marriage unless it's a forced one and that she wants to be a nun. That being said, there doesn't seem to be much reason for you to stick around.

[RahulZ]

Hey people.. Help me for this. I beg your attention.

Thanks for advice.