[Miszulaki]

Good day everyone!

Prior to my previous messages, I was going through a lot of stress and unhappiness with my ex boyfriend. He took me for grated, didn't put me in his priorities even though he said he was... etc. Regardless On Friday when we broke up... I felt good yet very sad... I cried to let the pain out! On Saturday, I received an email from his sister (which I was shocked) saying how sad she is and how she want to be there to help me over come it! That made me feel so good that I know and knew he had made a big mistakes! Anyhow, he didn't told her why we broke up and I decided to tell her a bit! She keeps on telling me that it's temporary and that our path will cross again and we'll be together. Unfortunately it's not what I want anymore! I do not want him in my life! I feel free and without pain! I feel released and I feel like I don't have to explain myself or fight for attention! He hasn't contacted me and I don't care! I mean I know I did my best and I know deep down he is rushing right now but I'm not! I have great things going for me right now! A new job, I'm looking for apt. to move by myself for the first time and I'm enjoying every moment! I thought this weekend would have been horrible but I woke up super happy today and did enjoy my weekend! Is that normal that I don't feel upset, sad, or crying... Deep down after the rush he is going through with his life... He will come and ask me back! But honestly I don't want it! I really don't! Wow I can't believe I'm actually saying this! We had a great relationship and the beginning but I was blind to see the things he wasn't doing where they were needed to be done for a healthy relationship... And now... Maybe later I'll start dating again! Im just waiting a bit since it's fresh but I'm totally over him!

My question is: Will I feel sad later on because I didn't realize it yet? Will I feel horrible? Etc
Or was it really over for me and I'm fine with the ending?

Thank you for your answers!
Have a great day!

[450donn]

Probably. But you said it yourself that you felt good after the breakup. That tells me that you did the right thing, and deep down in your heart you know it was right. Next step is to break off contact with his sister. Yes, I know all that girl stuff, but it is just another way for him to keep a hold of you by remote control. Get an apartment, an unlisted phone number and be sure to not go to places where he might be.
After 41 years of marriage I can tell you that any man that does not treat a woman like a queen is not the right man for you.

[Marriedguy]

It sounds like the relationship was not worth saving. Since, the relationship was in its worse state its perfectly normal to feel relieved and happy.

[Miszulaki]

[QUOTE=Next step is to break off contact with his sister. Yes, I know all that girl stuff, but it is just another way for him to keep a hold of you by remote control. QUOTE]

He doesn't know we have contact together, as I had problems with him regarding the relationship their had! He was too close to her and she was a sister/mother /girlfriend for him and didn't want to let it go! As for her she is an amazing person and loves to help! He doesn't know and I told her that I doubt and I don't to come back with him! I have other need and wish for what he had gave to me! All woman should be treated like princesses or queens by their man! And if you are not then he is definitely not the right one!

I know deep down I made the right decision... However his family was in love with him like I was in love with them! I know I have to let it go but for now I like the comfort of having her in my life because I don't have family myself!

[Miszulaki]

Anyone wants to add more? :)

[N0help4u]

He wasn't right for you and your feeling relieved that you can get back to being you and putting your efforts in your goals and so forth. It isn't a bad thing to not feel bad that he is out of your life. He obviously isn't crying over you. Some relationship are toxic, energy draining and actually rob your life.

[br_hjs]

I think its a good thing that you feel good about it... I wish I could be prepared for if me and my boyfriend ever break up. I would rather just go back to how my life was than sit their crying all day every day which I know I would do. But you can't help how you feel about things. Some people are more emotional and some people don't care much or they do care but just don't get sad or worry about things... Just because a lot of people would be sad when they break up doesn't mean its normal.

[Miszulaki]

[QUOTE=N0help4u] He obviously isn't crying over you. [QUOTE]

Oh my... When I read this yesterday night! It made me thing... It soooo true! He is not crying over me and even when we had the first break up he didn't cry thus didn't run after me! Somehow I am not crying as well because like I said I did it on the night it happened and didn't feel like I had to cry again! But wow!! From someone who said he wants to marry me, I'm the love of his life, can't live without me!! Wow guess those words were bull!
Lol
Man man man!!

[lovelesspa]

I think you made the right decision, but at this moment he's still renting space in your head. Even though you say your over him and you deserve better, Time to move on, you do deserve better and once you get started better will come to you. Think about other stuff, the final decision has already been made, Go have some fun now, hang with new friends, go out to new place, Make New memories!!

[taspam]

Hi, I feel the same way..
I had a very bad relationship with my ex, and was dependent on him and thought I would be devastated to lose him. I have cried a couple times, and I do feel sad, but although he broke up with me, and I know he won't look for me, I don't care. I am OK and thinking about other things and proyects in my life, like working and moving on my own...
I just feel, he didn't deserve or respect me, and now its over, I don't respect or want him.
I'm scared cause I've never felt like this after a breakup

[aaa333]

Hey,

I know this is out of date, but when I read this, I just want to say one thing: I feel you! I felt the same way when I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years a couple of weeks ago, and man oh man, it feels liberating, doesn't it? My ex and I had shacked up together for three and a half months prior to breaking up and we were basically each other's first loves, so when we were together in the beginning, it was exhilarating and exciting. Wearing rosy-colored glasses, we idolized each other and our relationship, but ultimately, we were too excited for our own good. It clouded our vision as we infatuated over each other and couldn't (or didn't want to) see what bad was growing in our relationship over time. But of course, I could only realize all of this once the relationship ended. While the relationship was still going on, I clung onto the hope that we could do better and tried not to emphasize all the ways in which it had already gone wrong (over time, our conversations lacked quality, to the point where we didn't really talk when we were together. He also began taking advantage of my thresholds for patience and was quite selfish sometimes. He used to say "sorry" when he did something wrong, but over time, I realize he got into the habit of just expecting me to forgive his faults, despite the number of times he tried to tell me that he values my patience and is afraid of taking it for granted).

Here is my theory. When a relationship drags out past the honeymoon stage, and he/she starts to take you for granted because he feels that you would let him get away with things (i.e. the only thing that was at first holding him back from taking you for granted was a fear of a bad impression), then the relationship will feel and will be quite bad for you over time. What once was good becomes a rotting dragging carcass and it takes a great mental toll on you as you try to correct the faults of the relationship while it is falling apart. Having devoted and invested so much in a person, you forgive and forget many times in an attempt to "make things right again", all the while that the relationship continues to fall apart. It falls apart perhaps because two people were not quite compatible in the first place, that they endured the first part of their relationship because they lived and relied upon the highs which affection, sex, and the ideas of love and romance give them.
But simply relying on the emotional rushes and thrills that having a relationship gives you is a big mistake, because you are neglecting many other conditions and aspects of what is required of a healthy long-term relationship: compatibility, MUTUAL compassion, respect, and understand, emotional maturity on both parties, etc.

Having neglected (or having not learned) these aspects of a healthy relationship, in the long-term, habit becomes an enemy, because it softens the emotional rushes and thrills and makes you face a more somber reality between the both of you. That, in my case, we were not very compatible at all, and the relationship was very lopsided. I feel that over time, I was giving more while he was taking more, and I continued to give and give because I had hope. Blind hope that even to the day when things get really bad between us, that we could correct the flaws in our relationship. My hope was blind, because I could not picture myself dating or being with other people. I gave a part of my self-identity to him. He defined a part of my life which I could not personally fulfill, and that, my friend, was when things took a turn for the worst, because I continued to give and give and give without really respecting or acknowledging my own thoughts on the situation, my own boundaries and standards. But still, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that this was not the man I wanted to marry. This was not the man I wanted to be with forever. A part of me which was still independent of him did acknowledge how much of a dead-end our relationship became, but I did not let that part of me out. Rather, antagonized it, attempted to silence it.

So when the relationship finally ended, yes, I definitely cried and mourned the loss of something which was such a large part of me for a good couple of hours. But then, within as quickly as a day or two, I started to see things more clearly and more objectively, because I could now let myself view my relationship from a third angle. I began to think of myself as a person independent of him. And that's when things really started to clear up. Throughout these past few weeks, I truly started to find myself all over again, picking up interests which I had neglected before while I was with him. I stopped antagonizing the part of me which acknowledged the faults in my relationship, and instead, I embrace it now in an effort to establish my own train of thought and strike out a new identity for myself, in an effort to remove the blinders which had been covering my eyes during our relationship and to see things more for what they were when our relationship began and what they became by the time our relationship ended. The relationship became suffocating over time, because I had silenced my own opinions to cater his own.

There is not "inevitable sadness" that one feels in a break up, no emotional template that every break up must follow. The relationship was what it was, and how you feel about the break it is a result of that--and nothing more. You are feeling better because you no longer have to give so much while receiving little in return. It's like quitting a job that worked you like a pig but paid you very little. Of course you would feel great after quitting it! Okay, relationships are not quite like jobs, but I hope you get what I mean.

Don't be scared. Be strong, embrace it. This is a time for you to be YOU again! Realize the difference between what the relationship was and what it became, and carry on the lessons you learn from this relationship into the next one. Remember to never SACRIFICE a part of your self-identity for someone else. Keep it. Rather, CREATE a new identity together, while keeping your own. Relationships are certainly a give and take, but it is not like one person is the giver and the other person is the taker (so I also disagree with the notion that the girl must be the one who is entitled to royal treatment and should be treated like a princess, because the guy must also be treated like a prince.).

You've got a friend in this cyberspace who is telling you that she's gone through the same motions as you had and is feeling great about it. I hope this eases your fear.