[TrickTrick07]

I don't really know if anybody can help me but, my girlfriend and I had a baby and we put him up for adoption but for the 9 months we were thinking about the child she hated the idea of it but we put it him up for adoption and he went home with the adoptive family and for 3 days I tried to help her through what she was going through but she just kept begging me and begging me on her knee's crying to try, to at least try to look after him and so we revoked the adoption mainly because I felt she would never feel better (so really this is all y fault for flip flopping) and our child is now a month old.

I love him with all my heart but she is a very angry person and she yells and screams and gets angry at him for no reason and when she is holding him, slapping doors and cupboards and breaking dishes and stuff when she gets really mad. She makes me scared that one day she might do harm to the baby by accident and I shouldn't ever have to worry about something like that. I told her to move to her mom's for a bit so we could cool off, now she is being unreasonable and trying to make demands and force me to either move out of my current house into a different one, give her 500 a month for the kid and leave myself with no cash at all after paying bills and her and she refuses to put my baby up for adoption with me.

Am I in the right to be scared for my child and try to have the child taken away and put into the protective care of social services or something where my baby won't be relying on a $350 child support check from me and a welfare check?

[Synnen]

Whoa.

First off... get that girl in counseling. Period. No one should be having tantrums like that with a kid (no matter how much you want to!).

If she refuses counseling, and you believe she's a danger to your child--call CPS.

There is no way to force her to choose adoption.

As far as child support--that would have to be determined by courts.

I really suggest you call a lawyer and find out what your options are, because it sounds like this girl is a little unstable right now (having a kid at 17 does that to you, really, and the whole adoption process probably made it a LOT worse).

I know right now she probably is making demands of you that are not all just money, too. She's probably looking for a commitment (but only if YOU want it too) and for "happily ever after" to come around the corner still--and regardless of the situation, happily ever after only happens in fairy tales. The most the rest of us get is "happy with each other most of the time".

Get the girl in counseling, and try to go with her, if possible--if for no other reason than you're going ot be tied to this girl through your child for the rest of your lives.

[froggy7]

I'd also be getting the girl a medical evaluation. It's possible that she is suffering from post-partum depression/psychosis, and that may be treated medically.

[JudyKayTee]

If you believe your baby is being harmed, emotionally, physically, you have a duty to report the mother's conduct to Children's Welfare - let them sort it out. And, no, you cannot force her to adopt the child out - and I feel so sorry for the adoptive parents who then had this child snatched from them.

[K_2]

Did this kind of behavior just began after she had the baby or was she always a angry person? Like someone said, it could be post-partum. I don't know what the relationship is like with her mom, but you could try talking to her and getting your g/f some help. The best thing you can do is protect your child and get your g/f the help she needs. Walking away from her will not improve the situation. It will only get worse. Whatever is going on with your g/f is serious and needs to be handled. She obviously needs help. If you can't get her to seek help voluntarily then you may be have to force her to seek help through courts or child protective services.

[TrickTrick07]

She always has had this temper and it hasent gotten any worse or any better since the baby came, people keep trying to tell her its hormones but its really not. She won't change and I'm afraid that if I send CPS then she is just going to play happy and her parents will back her story because she has been feeding them a lot of bull and acting out behind their backs and her parents won't listen to my side. Our relationship was great except that I have been supporting her for a year prior to this and kind of been the victim in the relationship of a hell of a lot of verbal abuse. She went for anger management counciling and it failed miserably because she got angry and stormed out and refused to go back (this was before I met her) and I just wan't my baby to be in a safe loving environment... Even if that mean I need to remove him from my life again... and into another home that is more prepared for him, I don't think she can handle this even with my support, love, money, effort and time. His name is Shawn Dale Mclauchlan... He doesn't deserve to be used as leverage... or as a marter...

[K_2]

I assume you two are married, from your post title.

Do you have someplace stable you and the child could go? Such as your parent's home, a grandparents, aunt/uncle, etc. Some place that will provide you with stability and support.

What I would do is take the child, get my own home or with someone stable, file for temporary full custody, and hold off on getting anything permanent and give her a chance to seek help. Tell her you are doing this for her and the child. If she doesn't seek help, you will proceed and get everything finalized.


Again, this is what I would do.

[Foxy459459]

I agree with K_2 You have to make sure that your child is safe, and if she already failed anger managenment then you have that on your side already. You don't want her to hurt the baby or her self. I would do what K_2 said, I think its your best option.

[ScottGem]

I may be reading between the lines here, but I see a different story. I see a young man who got an underage girl pregnant. I see the young man pressuring the girl to give the child up for adoption. I see the young man being pressured to into becoming a husband and father before he was ready. I see a young man looking to get out of the finaincal responsibility of this child.

I think we are only seeing one side of this story. I think you BOTH need counseling to deal with a situation you both were clearly not ready for.

[TrickTrick07]

Well that is definitely what it could look like too. But if I had just got her pregnant and not cared I would not have lived with her for 10 months and tried to make it work in every way possible. I have expended all my options as far as our relationship, I went over to her house for 3 hours on Saturday to try to talk this out and if you forgot, we already had the baby up for adoption, it was finalized then I went back on it and took the baby back because We both missed him and she was so devastated and she wanted to just try, and she told me in the beginning before the baby went up for adoption the first time that "Well I would rather try and fail rather than never try at all" and I told her that it would be WAY harder to put him up for adoption if we kept him for a while and realized we couldn't and that putting him up for adoption sooner than later was the only logical thing to do. I can't afford to pay for my child, her (who refuses to get a job for another year and has not had one since Nov last year), myself and rent and bills. Plus if I can't afford him now, I know I won't be able to afford to raise him in the near future :S. So here I am trying to talk sensibly to her and she tells me that she wants every dollar off my paycheck that does not go to rent in her hands and she will tell me how much she needs/wants and how much I might be allowed to spend on myself. Part of her list of demands If we were to move back in with each other in a months time...

#1 Move into a new cheaper house

(Really she wants to move because the upstairs tenants who are also my landlords are angry at her and they evicted us in October because of all the constant yelling and screaming into all hours of the night. I had to re-negotiate a new lease with them under strict guidelines, which is a saving grace. She put our whole family on the streets because she couldn't control herself and this yelling and was when she was "looking after" our baby child... )

#2 Child Support

Even though we would be living together and working out our relationship where in I would be happy to pay for whatever the baby needs (whatever I can) And what I needed to buy for Anne, but that isn't enough, she wants to file for child support anyway even while she is living with me.

The list goes on, and its not even about the relationship, after we had a 3 hour talk about all our frustrations and needs, I gave her $150 that I had in my pocket because she needed to buy formula right away and I asked to keep the other $150 in my pocket for underwear and socks and lizard food because I haven't had ANY money in 2 weeks because I made myself poor to be sure I had rent set aside before the 1st and my next pay came on the 2nd or so of November. She said okay, and I had another $400 or so in my savings at home for the baby but I was not going to carry that much money on me to the mall. (I don't live in a nice area of the city) I told her before I walked away "When you need the rest just tell me" and an hour later she phones and says this.

"Okay so... if your check was $1,200 and rent was already set aside and the Telus bill was only $5 (because of the last payment I made) and you bought your bus pass which is 70 dollars and the $150 you gave me and the $150 you still have, where did the rest of your check go?" So I told her "Oh, well I have the rest of it still here at my house in our savings container." and she blew up on the phone and said "Well you know what Shawn is a little more important than YOU or YOUR savings, you don't give a about Shawn or me and you just don't want to pay for him at all, I want the other $700 from you check and I want it NOW. I want it by SUNDAY! (this was on the Saturday) and we are filing for child support on MONDAY! (her mom added the last one about child support, I heard her in the background on the phone) So the money is so much more important to her than trying to work things out with me and Shawn so we can have a normal family. Its so undignified, I don't need a court to tell me I love my son... She has been using me like a bank machine for the 8 months prior to our baby being born... Now it doesn't even sound like she wants to try anymore... And if I'm not there to see what's going on, who knows what she might be doing to Shawn. All she has to do is shake him once or drop him once or hit his head against something once while she goes wildly storming about the house. I'm so worried because that phone call proved to me she isn't able to control her temper (Like she Told me she was and promised me would continue and I told her was one of my conditions for moving back in) So I am trying to speak to a lawyer first but then I'm calling CPS and hopefully they can help me :S. I don't even get to see my kid, I miss him so much...

[Synnen]

You know... if that's the way she's going to play it...

File for custody. Unfortunately, that will probably come with formal child support payments, but that would be based on your income, not on what SHE thinks she should get.

Are you really married? If so... child support isn't going to be an issue. A husband doesn't pay child support to his wife until they are formally separated or divorced.

Definitely get a lawyer, because you never know what a lawyer will use against her that you would be hesitant to use--and remember, this isn't about HER anymore, it's about your child.

Once you have custody (and do try to get the child to live with you, with HER going to come for visitation), turn around and ask HER for child support.

Seriously... this is one of the most screwed up relationships I've ever heard of. Unfortunately, being a birth mom, I can't casually say that the child would be better with adoption without knowing what the exact situation is... I chose adoption willingly, and it's messed with my head, my life, my relationships, everything, for 15 years. I can't imagine how I would have felt had it been unwilling.

It sounds like you BOTH could use some counseling, and possibly parenting classes. If she won't go--use it against her in court.

[TrickTrick07]

... thank you... it is a very difficult situation, I'm having my own child dangled in front of my face and used as leverage. Thank you for your support and I will do exactly that...

[TrickTrick07]

Oh and by the way we are not married we have been together since Nov 8th of last year and lived together until mid October when she had us evicted.

[TrickTrick07]

You should read the other posts on that thread where the situation is better explained

[ScottGem]

Comments on this postFoxy459459 disagrees: I don't think so. I think he just wants what's best for his child. The mother is unstable, and has been sense before the baby was wrong. And he is worried about the well being of his son.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

I was expressing my opinion. Yes you can disagree, but even the OP understood how I could have come to the conlusions I did. But giving me a negative rating was inappropriate.

[ScottGem]

To TrickTrick,

I think you are a nice guy who wants to do the right thing. But deep down I think you believe the right thing was adoption.

But I agree with Synnen. If you really love the child, then file for Custody and take care of it. I don't think you love the girl, I think you let your hormones get the best of you and got youeaelf into a situation you can't handle.

This just goes to prove what I've been saying; NO ONE should engage in sexual intercourse until they are emotionally and financially ready to have a child. Your situation proves that.

[JudyKayTee]

Oh and btw we are not married we have been together since Nov 8th of last year and lived together until mid October when she had us evicted.

Now I'm confused - the heading is "17 year old mother/20 year old husband (me)." Now they aren't married - ?

I am trying hard not to judge here but adoptive parents took this baby home for, as I recall, three days, and then the 17 and 20 year old rescinded. They are still squabbling, still treating this baby like the prize in a cracker jack box. Meanwhile two people who thought they were going to be parents are somewhere, hurting, and worrying about this baby - for apparently good reason.

The mother is now threatening to take the father to Court for child support. This is not a bad thing. Let the Courts get involved in this. I'm not really sure either natural parent is fit enough to parent this baby.

Meanwhile nobody is notifying Child Welfare that the mother is unstable! Once again - report your concerns and let Child Welfare's trained, professional personnel sort things out before something terrible happens.

[repo]

Get that baby away from her no matter what it takes. Even if you have to somehow record her actions on video and turn it in to social services or the police. At least one of the two will put this inocent child into protective custody.

[K_2]

Wondering how the situation is going and how the child is doing. Hopefully the child was taken out of those conditions with the mother's mental state.

Hope whatever has happened has been the best for the baby and for the dad secondly. Hopefully the mother received some help, no matter what the outcome was. That was a definite.

[lookin4you]

I don't really know if anybody can help me but, my girlfriend and I had a baby and we put him up for adoption but for the 9 months we were thinking about the child she hated the idea of it but we put it him up for adoption and he went home with the adoptive family and for 3 days I tried to help her through what she was going through but she just kept begging me and begging me on her knee's crying to try, to at least try to look after him and so we revoked the adoption mainly because I felt she would never feel better (so really this is all y fault for flip flopping) and our child is now a month old.

I love him with all my heart but she is a very angry person and she yells and screams and gets angry at him for no reason and when she is holding him, slapping doors and cupboards and breaking dishes and stuff when she gets really mad. She makes me scared that one day she might do harm to the baby by accident and I shouldn't ever have to worry about something like that. I told her to move to her mom's for a bit so we could cool off, now she is being unreasonable and trying to make demands and force me to either move out of my current house into a different one, give her 500 a month for the kid and leave myself with no cash at all after paying bills and her and she refuses to put my baby up for adoption with me.

Am I in the right to be scared for my child and try to have the child taken away and put into the protective care of social services or something where my baby wont be relying on a $350 child support check from me and a welfare check?

[take hir to a doctor so he could heelp her and talk to her about this and don't let her take the baby alone she mait do something to it . That's all I got to say.